Enrollment Surges Among Teens Who’ve Never Said “My Bad”
Trump Announces “No Apology Academy” for Future Leaders
Enrollment Surges Among Teens Who’ve Never Said “My Bad”
PALM BEACH, FL — Former President Donald Trump has unveiled his boldest educational venture yet: the “No Apology Academy,” a leadership school for youth dedicated to the fine art of never backing down, admitting fault, or spelling “mea culpa.”
“Apologies are for losers and Canadians,” Trump declared at the ribbon-cutting ceremony, where the ribbon refused to be cut and was simply ignored. “This school teaches backbone, not backtracking.”
The curriculum includes courses like “Deflection 101,” “Advanced Blame-Shifting,” and “The History of Saying It Louder Until You’re Right.” There’s also gym class, which consists entirely of dodging accountability.
Parents are thrilled. “My son used to apologize for everything,” said one Texas mom. “Now he just points at the dog and says “deep state.’ It’s beautiful.”
Graduates receive a gold-plated diploma and a lifetime ban from ever using the word “oops.”
Critics from the liberal arts community protested the school’s opening, but were shouted down by students chanting, “We Regret Nothing!”
Melania is reportedly designing the uniforms, which include mirrored sunglasses and shoulder pads shaped like bald eagles.
Trump promised expansion into universities next. “We’re gonna take over the Ivy League. No more safe spaces. Just strong chins and stronger denials.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
