Textbooks Replaced with Autobiographies and Rally Highlights
Trump Endorses “Sorry-Free School Curriculum,” History Class Now Includes Bold Claims and Zero Footnotes
Textbooks Replaced with Autobiographies and Rally Highlights
TULSA, OK — In a sweeping reform of the U.S. education system, Donald J. Trump has introduced the *Sorry-Free School Curriculum*, an unapologetic approach to teaching where feelings are left at the door and facts are now considered “optional seasoning.”
“If history wanted to be apologized for, it should have done better,” Trump declared at the launch ceremony held on the front lawn of Patriot Prep Academy, a new charter school where “Don’t Tread on Me” is the school anthem and homework includes defending your opinion with volume, not evidence.
Under the new curriculum, all history books are replaced with “The Art of the Deal” and “Great Moments in Trump Speeches: Annotated with Applause Breaks.”
Science class now features experiments such as “Building a Wall Out of Logic” and “How to Measure Crowd Size with Confidence.”
Melania offered to contribute to English class but was reassigned after her essay “Apologies: Why Waste Words?” broke spellcheck software.
The cafeteria is decorated with portraits of misunderstood emperors, and students receive badges for “Outstanding Boldness in the Face of Basic Facts.”
“We’re teaching kids to stand tall, speak loud, and rewrite history before someone else does,” said Principal Tucker Loudman. “No apologies, just GPAs.”
=========
SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
