Emails, Apologies, and Court Filings Now End With Gratitude Instead of Guilt
Trump Issues Executive Order to Replace “I’m Sorry” With “You’re Welcome” in All Government Communications
Emails, Apologies, and Court Filings Now End With Gratitude Instead of Guilt
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former President Donald Trump has issued a preemptive executive order titled “The National Confidence Act,” mandating that all government communications eliminate the phrase “I’m sorry” and replace it with the phrase “You’re welcome.”
“America’s had enough of this guilt nonsense,” Trump proclaimed from a gold-plated podium. “From now on, we don’t apologize — we accept gratitude in advance.”
The rule affects all departments, from the IRS to FEMA. Sample edits include:
- “We apologize for the delay” ? “You’re welcome for your patience”
- “Sorry we misplaced your file” ? “You’re welcome for the surprise”
- “We regret the incident” ? “You’re welcome for the experience”
The Pentagon confirmed that future collateral damage reports will now begin with “You’re welcome for freedom.”
Government apology hotlines will be replaced with recorded loops of Kid Rock songs and a voicemail prompt that yells, “Deal with it!”
Legal analysts are baffled, but Trump insists it’s “the kind of bold reform that makes Founding Fathers fist-pump from the grave.”
Critics say the order erodes decency; supporters say, “You’re welcome.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
