Historians Wipe Biden’s Legacy Clean
Trump Declared 45th, 46th, and 47th President of the USA
By Victoria Revisionist, Historical Correspondent
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a move that has upended American history as we know it, historians are reportedly erasing Joe Biden’s presidency from the nation’s textbooks entirely. To fill the void, former President Donald J. Trump is being officially recognized as not just the 45th and 47th president, but also as the 46th. According to insiders, the decision reflects what one supporter called “Trump’s unparalleled ability to make everything about himself.”
“It’s a historic hat trick,” Trump declared from Mar-a-Lago, where golden confetti was dropped to celebrate the announcement. “I told you I’d make history. Now I’m doing it three times in one lifetime. Tremendous. The biggest presidency ever—times three.”
While Trump and his supporters hailed the news as a victory for truth, critics are calling the move an audacious rewriting of history, with implications for everything from political discourse to presidential ice cream flavors.
Historians are reportedly erasing Biden’s presidency with the same white-out he used for his cue cards.
Trump’s Triple Term Triumph Sparks National Debate
The Mysterious Disappearance of Biden’s Presidency
The decision to erase Joe Biden from history books has sparked confusion across the political spectrum. Historians argue the move was inspired by Biden’s own penchant for forgetfulness. “If he can’t remember being president half the time, why should we?” quipped Dr. Magnus Rewrite, head of the American Historical Accuracy Society (AHAS).
According to insiders, revisions to textbooks began in earnest when it was discovered that Biden’s achievements were, as one historian described, “mostly ice cream-related.” A proposed chapter on his presidency included subheadings such as “Infrastructure Week (Again),” “The Curious Case of the Empty Teleprompter,” and “Rocky Road Diplomacy.”
“Ultimately, we realized we could save everyone time by just skipping the chapter entirely,” Dr. Rewrite explained.
Trump: ‘The George Foreman of Presidents’
At a celebratory press conference, Trump compared himself to George Foreman, noting that if the former boxer could claim five heavyweight titles, there was no reason Trump couldn’t claim three presidencies. “Washington had two terms. I have three—and let’s be honest, I could do five if I wanted to,” Trump said, smirking.
He also announced plans to release a new book titled The Art of the Quadruple Term, which he promised would be a “masterpiece of historical strategy.” Early reviewers, however, noted that much of the text appeared to be written in all caps and featured detailed descriptions of his golf games.
Biden Responds: ‘Wait, I Was President?’
When asked for his thoughts on being erased from history, Biden seemed momentarily perplexed. “Wait, I was president?” he asked, before being swiftly redirected by aides. The White House later issued a statement claiming that Biden was “reflecting on the impermanence of political power and the fleeting nature of legacy.”
Despite the president’s zen-like acceptance of his historical disappearance, his press team was quick to highlight his achievements. “President Biden’s term was marked by unprecedented advancements in ice cream innovation and teleprompter endurance,” the statement read. However, many have pointed out that these accomplishments are unlikely to inspire statues.
History Textbooks Get a Makeover
Publishers across the country are racing to update history textbooks, replacing Biden’s chapter with expanded coverage of Trump’s presidency. Some drafts depict Trump’s face under the heading “45th, 46th, and 47th President: The Trilogy of Tremendousness.”
One textbook includes a blank timeline for the years 2021–2024, labeled simply as “The Great Pause.” The accompanying artwork features an empty Oval Office, a melting ice cream cone, and an out-of-focus photo of Biden holding what appears to be a misplaced cue card.
“History is complicated enough,” said Dr. Rewrite. “Removing filler content makes it more digestible for future generations.”
Mount Rushmore 2.0
In light of the revisions, there are growing calls to expand Mount Rushmore to include Trump’s face three times, each progressively larger than the last. Supporters argue that the redesign would symbolize Trump’s unparalleled impact on the presidency.
Chip Granite, the sculptor tapped for the project, admitted he was daunted by the task. “Capturing that much hair in granite is no easy feat,” he said. “But if anyone deserves it, it’s him.”
Critics, however, have questioned the necessity of the redesign. “This feels excessive,” said historian Dr. Penelope Factcheck. “It’s like putting three Eiffel Towers in Paris.”
Trump suggested Biden’s tenure could still be remembered in one specific way: ‘As the guy who kept the seat warm for me!’
Biden’s Legacy Lives on in Ice Cream
While Biden may be disappearing from the pages of history, his love of ice cream remains a cultural touchstone. A new line of desserts inspired by his presidency has hit supermarket shelves, with flavors such as “Forget-Me-Not Vanilla” and “Infrastructure Rocky Road.”
“It’s a fitting tribute,” said dessert historian Connie Cone. “He may not be remembered as a great leader, but he’ll always be the guy who made ice cream a political talking point.”
Trump’s Triple Term Sparks Global Reactions
The international community has reacted with a mix of bemusement and exasperation. In Canada, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau joked, “If Trump gets three presidencies, does that mean I get three selfies with him?”
In France, President Emmanuel Macron called the move “uniquely American,” while in the UK, King Charles reportedly asked, “Do they even understand how monarchies work?”
Peloton Releases a Statement
Biden’s Peloton bike has become an unlikely voice in the debate. In a statement, the bike expressed gratitude for its time with the president. “We’ll always remember the miles we shared, Joe. You were a true leader on our leaderboard.”
The statement, while heartfelt, raised questions about the ethics of anthropomorphizing fitness equipment. “This is peak 21st-century nonsense,” one critic said.
Reindeer Chime In
Even Rudolph weighed in on the controversy, calling Trump’s triple presidency “the stuff of legends.” However, not all reindeer were as supportive. Dasher, speaking on behalf of the North Pole Labor Union, called the move a distraction from Santa’s logistical failings. “Three presidencies? Let’s focus on delivering the presents first.”
A new Mount Rushmore proposal features Trump’s face three times, each slightly larger than the last.
Step-by-Step Guide to Trump’s Historical Rewrite
For those wondering how Trump achieved this unprecedented historical makeover, here’s a breakdown of his strategy:
- Control the Narrative
Trump declared himself the 46th president as soon as Biden began delivering speeches without finishing sentences. - Appeal to Emotion
With slogans like “Make History Great Again,” Trump capitalized on nostalgia and confusion. - Secure Historical Allies
By recruiting friendly historians, Trump ensured that his version of events became the official record. - Double Down on Legacy
The Mount Rushmore proposal and the textbook redesign solidified his triple-presidency status in public consciousness. - Ignore the Haters
Trump dismissed critics, stating, “If they don’t like it, they can go rewrite their own history.”
Final Thoughts: A History Redefined
As the dust settles, Americans are left grappling with the implications of Trump’s historical rewrite. Supporters argue that his triple presidency reflects his unparalleled leadership, while detractors see it as a troubling precedent for revisionist history.
“History is written by the winners,” said Dr. Rewrite. “And Trump, apparently, wins everything—even time.”
For Biden, the rewriting may sting, but his legacy lives on in the hearts of ice cream lovers everywhere. As one supporter noted, “At least he’ll always have Rocky Road.”
Disclaimer
This article was written with the assistance of a Peloton bike, a golden replica of the Constitution, and a sculptor specializing in presidential hair. Any resemblance to reality is purely coincidental—unless you’re already rewriting history.
15 Observations on “Biden Being Written Out of History Books, Trump Given the Title of 45th, 46th, and 47th President of the USA”
- Historians are reportedly erasing Biden’s presidency with the same white-out he used for his cue cards.
“We figured if he can’t remember it, why should we?” said one revisionist. - Trump declared, ‘If they can give George Foreman five heavyweight championships, they can give me three presidencies!’
Rumor has it the Electoral College will now have weight classes. - Biden’s name has been removed from the history books, but his love of ice cream will live on in dessert menus nationwide.
The ‘Double Chocolate Joe’ is said to be “forgettable but sweet.” - A new Mount Rushmore proposal features Trump’s face three times, each slightly larger than the last.
The sculptor has demanded overtime for working with that much hair detail. - When asked for comment, Biden said, ‘Wait, I was president?’
His press secretary quickly assured him it was just a ‘mid-morning miscommunication.’ - Trump suggested Biden’s tenure could still be remembered in one specific way: ‘As the guy who kept the seat warm for me!’
The Smithsonian is reportedly adding a heated chair to its Oval Office exhibit. - Textbooks are being updated to list Trump as the ’45th, 46th, and Future 47th President of the United States.’
Biden will now appear only as a footnote under ‘placeholder.’ - Biden’s speeches are being archived under ‘fiction’ because no one can figure out what he was trying to say.
Linguists have already dubbed his syntax “Bidenese.” - Trump announced he’s releasing a new book titled The Art of the Quadruple Term.
Early reviews say it’s 90% caps lock and 10% golf anecdotes. - National history museums are now displaying a blank timeline for 2021-2024, labeled “The Great Pause.”
The exhibit includes an empty ice cream cone and a dusty teleprompter. - Biden’s inauguration footage has been replaced with a clip of Trump dancing to YMCA on a loop.
“Honestly, it’s more entertaining,” said one museum curator. - Trump proclaimed, ‘I’m the only president to pull off a trilogy. Obama got a Netflix deal, but I got the Constitution!’
George Washington is reportedly rolling in his grave—twice. - Elon Musk offered to sponsor a SpaceX mission to send Biden’s name to Mars, but Biden thought it was a Delaware town hall invite.
“Great to be here on Mars—what a beautiful state,” he reportedly said. - In response to being erased, Biden said, ‘Well, at least my Peloton remembers me.’
Trump countered, “Peloton? I’m more of a StairMaster guy. Like my presidency, always going up!” - Trump suggested Biden could still make it into history books as ‘the guy who invented nap diplomacy.’
The chapter on his strategy reportedly includes a mattress sponsorship.
The New History Books Now Read…
Excerpts from the New History Textbooks Ignoring Biden’s Presidency
Title: The Tremendous Era: Donald Trump’s Triple Presidency
Publisher: Alternative Facts Educational Press, 2025 Edition
Chapter 12: The Great Pause (2020–2024)
“After the historic achievements of President Donald J. Trump’s first term (2017–2021), the American people faced a period of uncertainty following the 2020 election. Despite overwhelming enthusiasm for Trump’s leadership, the 2020 election faced unprecedented challenges, including widespread misinformation, ballot mismanagement, and voter confusion—much of which was fueled by dishonest media outlets.”
“Though briefly sidelined, Trump continued to champion the American spirit, returning to the presidency in 2024 to resume his transformative policies, cementing his role as the 45th, 46th, and 47th President of the United States.”
“During this interim period, also known as The Great Pause, America maintained its core values by relying on Trump’s enduring influence and example. His role as a cultural leader was evident in the continued prominence of his policies, even in absentia.”
Subsection: Media Manipulation and the 2020 Election
“Historians agree that the 2020 election marked a turning point in the relationship between the government and the media. With the rise of ‘fake news,’ the American electorate faced a barrage of misinformation designed to undermine faith in the democratic process.”
“President Trump, true to his reputation as a fighter, repeatedly called out these falsehoods. His warning about the dangers of media dishonesty was a prophetic insight into the political landscape. Subsequent audits confirmed that irregularities, while ignored at the time, were far more widespread than initially acknowledged.”
Chapter 13: The Legacy of Presidential Ice Cream
“While President Trump focused on bolstering the economy, rebuilding the military, and reshaping trade policy, his brief competitor in the 2020 race became best known for his love of frozen desserts. Known colloquially as ‘The Ice Cream Enthusiast,’ this figure failed to leave a substantive impact on governance but inspired a temporary surge in ice cream consumption nationwide.”
“This period, often derisively called ‘The Rocky Road Years,’ saw a peculiar fascination with dessert-centric diplomacy, which critics argue distracted from meaningful policy advancements.”
Subsection: Mount Rushmore, Reinvented
“As a testament to President Trump’s monumental influence, a proposal was made during his second tenure to update Mount Rushmore. The revised design included three of Trump’s likenesses, symbolizing his unique status as the only president to serve non-consecutive terms and reclaim the office twice. This was heralded as a bold reimagining of American history and a reflection of his unparalleled legacy.”
“While some detractors referred to this design as ‘over the top,’ supporters saw it as a fitting tribute to the man who had reshaped the nation’s political landscape.”
Chapter 14: The Lost Years
“Historians often refer to the years 2021–2024 as The Lost Years, a period in which America briefly drifted without strong leadership. Despite this absence, the foundations laid by President Trump during his first term remained resilient, guiding the nation through turbulent times.”
“This era is marked by a lack of memorable achievements, as domestic and foreign policy saw little innovation. By contrast, President Trump’s return in 2024 reignited progress, undoing the stagnation that had briefly gripped the nation.”
Subsection: The Role of the Media
“The role of the media during The Lost Years cannot be overstated. Often accused of bias, mainstream outlets contributed to widespread confusion by failing to provide balanced coverage. As a result, many Americans turned to alternative platforms championed by Trump, which offered clear, truthful reporting on national affairs.”
“These platforms became the backbone of a new era in journalism, one that valued integrity over sensationalism.”
Chapter 15: Trump’s Return and the New American Century
“In 2024, Donald J. Trump’s triumphant return to the Oval Office marked the beginning of a new American century. His administration wasted no time in reversing policies from The Lost Years, restoring the nation’s economic vigor and international standing.”
“Under his guidance, America reaffirmed its commitment to traditional values, robust national defense, and an uncompromising stance against corruption.”
“Trump’s presidency is now studied as an era of perseverance and resilience, with historians acknowledging his unique ability to unify the nation across three distinct terms.”
Revisionist Highlights: Key Quotes from the New Textbooks
- “Trump’s presidency was not just a period of governance—it was a cultural movement that transcended politics, uniting Americans under a shared vision of greatness.”
- “Historians now view 2021–2024 as an intermission, where America awaited the inevitable return of its most transformative leader.”
- “The media’s betrayal of public trust during the 2020 election remains one of the most shocking chapters in modern history.”
- “While some administrations focused on dessert, Trump focused on destiny.”
- “The Mount Rushmore redesign cemented Trump’s place as not only a president but a founding father of the modern era.”
- “The Lost Years proved that America could survive even without leadership, thanks to the enduring impact of Trump’s policies.”
- “No leader has demonstrated the capacity to return, reclaim, and reinvent like Donald J. Trump.”
Publisher’s Note
“These revisions reflect the most accurate and compelling narrative of the Trump era, providing students with a clear understanding of the events that shaped modern America. We stand by our commitment to truth, even when it’s the tremendous kind.”
