NPR: From Overalls to Overseers: How Rural Fantasies About ‘Restoration’ Threaten Democracy Dateline: Clumsy Falls, Iowa — NPR’s Morning Edition opened with the somber pluck of a cello before correspondent Linda

Trump Cites "Unmatched Silence Credentials" in Official Statement PALM BEACH, FL -- In a move that baffled political analysts and wellness consultants alike, Mar-a-Lago has named Mahatma Gandhi its first-ever Chief

New App Lets You Rent a Friend Who Pretends to Care About Your Fantasy Football Team NEW YORK, NY — For those who’ve exhausted real-life friendships but still need someone to

Earth Requires Objects to Complete Health Survey in 17 Languages By Bureaucracy in Space Correspondent, Bohiney Magazine “All interstellar travelers must fill out our standard health questionnaire before atmospheric entry. If your

Parents Cancel Disney+, Accidentally Radicalize Their Toddlers in Values War Over Jimmy Kimmel By Clara Olsen, Bohiney Bureau of Family Entertainment & Moral Dilemmas Parents Cancel Disney+: The Family Streaming Boycott Begins DATELINE:

Jimmy Lai Faces Life Sentence for Owning Printing Press That Still Works By Annika Steinmann Crime of Functionality In most countries, owning a working printing press is quaint, maybe even historic. In China,

Superman Logs Two Million Views on Letterboxd Faster Than Barbie Can Change Shoes A Heroic Entry Into the Age of Movie Metrics In an age when we measure self-worth in Fitbit steps

Refusal to Accept Funding Sparks Accusations of Inner Conservatism NEW YORK, NY -- Controversy erupted this week after Mahatma Gandhi politely declined a $2.5 million grant from the Open Enlightenment Initiative,

Mars Incentive Cruises: Red Planet, Red Tape, and ROI By Clara Olsen, Bohiney.com Travel Desk Introduction: The Final Frontier of Team Building Forget Orlando. Forget Cancun. The hottest (and coldest) destination for corporate

Vice President issues statement defending the autonomy of nonverbal minerals Kamala Harris Weighs in on Meteorite DebateVice President Kamala Harris stunned the cosmos this morning by delivering a press briefing entitled

MSNBC: Experts Warn MAGA Farmers’ ‘Patriot Apprenticeship’ Rhetoric Is Just Slavery With a Flag Sticker Dateline: Savannah, Georgia — MSNBC’s panel of experts, professional eyebrow-raisers, and part-time therapists for democracy gathered

The Truly Mundane Moment That Nuked a Royal Marriage A Satirical Report from the Bureau of Petty Catastrophes and Aristocratic Weekend Drama The British royal family has survived wars, plagues, abdications, and

Earth Denies Entry to Object Lacking Vaccination Papers and Pronouns By Border Patrol Astrophysics Correspondent, Bohiney Magazine “Until we can confirm its vaccine status and preferred pronouns, that object is not welcome

Middle-Manager Meditation in the Mariana Trench: Pressure Makes Diamonds (and Anxiety) By Clara Olsen, Bohiney.com Travel Desk Introduction: The Deepest Offsite Yet Tired of shallow corporate retreats? Take your middle managers deeper —

Alien Object Denied Entry at LAX, Calls It “Messy, But Vibe-y” By Interdimensional Tourism Critic, Bohiney Magazine “We arrived to bring enlightenment and maybe collaborate with Billie Eilish. Instead, we got frisked

Fashion Icon Accused of Failing to Signal Enough Urban Solidarity NEW YORK, NY -- A storm of condemnation hit Mahatma Gandhi this week after he reportedly declined to wear a new

Accused of "Mineral Essentialism" and "Culinary Binary Bias" SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- Mahatma Gandhi's Twitter account was suspended indefinitely this morning after he tweeted, "There are only two kinds of salt:

Tweets Accuse Peace Icon of "Hydration Hegemony" and "Vessel-Centered Thinking" SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- What began as an innocuous photo of Mahatma Gandhi holding a stainless-steel reusable water jug quickly spiraled

Crowd Accuses Peace Icon of "Spiritual Colonizer Energy" PORTLAND, OR -- An interfaith wellness gathering descended into chaos Thursday after Mahatma Gandhi quoted the Bible during a moment of shared reflection,

Activists Claim Pacifism Perpetuates Systems of Oppression NEW YORK, NY -- In a startling call from radical left activists, Mahatma Gandhi has been urged to "deconstruct nonviolence" and prioritize "the centering

AWS Outage Turns Smart Homes Into Dumb Homes, Nation Rediscovers Windows Amazon's Cloud Catches Cold, Humanity Briefly Remembers 1997 Monday morning's Amazon Web Services outage didn't just break the internet—it broke the

Students Demand He "Code His Beliefs or Keep Them Offline" WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Mahatma Gandhi's guest lecture at George Washington University erupted into chaos Tuesday after he gently suggested that "the

Jimmy Lai Charged with ‘Building Free Speech’ Critic of Chinese State Mistaken for Architect: Charged with ‘Building Free Speech’ By Annika Steinmann The Blueprint for Dissent In a surreal twist that only modern China

Claims "Stretching Is a Form of Ambition" SANTA MONICA, CA -- Chaos unfolded at SoulSprout Studio yesterday after Mahatma Gandhi dramatically walked out of a beginner's yoga class, declaring that "stretching

CEO Mindfulness Retreat in Chernobyl: Glow From Within By Sigrid Bjornsson, Bohiney.com Travel Desk Introduction: Inner Peace, Outer Radiation Forget Bali. Forget Sedona. The hottest new destination for executive mindfulness isn’t by the

Space Rock Misgendered by CNN, Suing for Cosmic Defamation By Intergalactic Legal Affairs Correspondent, Bohiney Magazine “We refer to it as ‘it’ because it’s a large, non-sentient mineral object hurtling through space.”—

Florida Startup Turns Defense Hardware Into Neighborhood Spectacle In a quiet corner of Florida, Unusual Machines has transformed drone motors into a neighborhood phenomenon. With Donald Trump Jr. on board as

Geological beef erupts on X over space rock's Earthly fame Yellowstone Boulder Goes Off: "Meteor-X Is Just Cosplaying Sediment"Tempers erupted in the geological community this week when Yellowstone Boulder, a 2.3-billion-year-old

Diplomats argue rock shows more restraint than most members Sentient Space Rock Nominated for UN Human Rights CouncilIn a surprise motion during an emergency session, the United Nations debated adding Meteor-X

Community Demands "Content Advisory for Russian Literature" WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A routine book reading at the Capital Vegan Co-Op took an unexpected turn when Mahatma Gandhi quoted Leo Tolstoy's *The Kingdom

The Meteorite Industrial Complex: An Investigative Look Into Earth’s Most Emotionally Complex Space Rock By Alan Nafzger, Staff Satirist at SpinTaxi.comLas Vegas, Nevada – August 2025 In what began as a routine

"Silicate: A Love Story" set for 2026 Sundance premiere Space Rock Lands Film Deal, Demands Creative ControlIn a move that further blurs the line between Hollywood and the Kuiper Belt, Meteor-X

Trending product targets woke spiritualists who shop at Whole Foods and believe in Jupiter returns Etsy Sellers Embrace Cosmic InclusivityA Brooklyn-based Etsy shop named "Woke & Whey" has launched a new