Graduates Receive Diplomas and Signed Restraining Orders
Trump Institute Launches Online Course: “Apology Resistance 101” Taught by Rudy Giuliani and a Live Bald Eagle
Graduates Receive Diplomas and Signed Restraining Orders
PALM BEACH, FL — The Trump Institute of Higher Yearning (TIHY) has officially launched its first fully online course: “Apology Resistance 101,” a bold, unaccredited masterclass taught by Rudy Giuliani, a bald eagle named Liberty, and occasional guest rants from Diamond & Silk holograms.
The syllabus includes:
- “Historical Greatness and Why They Never Said Sorry” — Featuring reenactments of Andrew Jackson brushing off criticism with a musket
- “Advanced Deflection Techniques” — Starring Giuliani in a fog machine explaining, “It’s not a lie if you yell it”
- “How to Cry Without Feeling Weak” — Optional, and mostly just involves pepper spray
Enrollment has exceeded projections, with over 40,000 signups — 70% from counties that also voted to ban tofu.
Each graduate receives a gold-embossed diploma that reads “Certified in American Confidence,” along with a restraining order automatically filed in case they ever enter a Whole Foods.
Trump described the program as “an Ivy League experience, but with more hot dogs and fewer facts.”
Tuition is payable via Truth Social tokens, Confederate coinage, or “patriotic barter.”
Critics call the course a grift. Giuliani responded, “Grift is a form of freedom.”
=========
SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
