Deere Recalls 275 Waterloo Workers and Plans 400 More Hires
WATERLOO, Iowa — John Deere has announced plans to bring back more than 275 laid-off Waterloo employees and hire more than 400 additional workers across its manufacturing operations, following an extraordinary discovery in American industrial management: tractors do not assemble themselves simply because executives have reduced the payroll.
According to the John Deere hiring announcement, the company has recalled approximately 1,000 employees since the downturn began, a period during which agricultural equipment demand weakened and corporate management showed remarkable confidence in the economic benefits of unemployment.
The latest development has reportedly sent shockwaves through corporate America, where executives have spent decades searching for ways to manufacture products without employing the inconvenient people required to manufacture them.
One Waterloo machinist summed it up.
“First they tell you there’s not enough work. Then they tell you there’s work. I figure next week they’ll discover we need electricity.”
Corporate America Rediscovers the Manufacturing Employee
Manufacturing consultants describe the breakthrough as potentially revolutionary.
For years, conventional corporate wisdom held that reducing employment increased efficiency, improved quarterly financial statements and demonstrated decisive leadership. The theory worked beautifully until someone walked into the factory and noticed nobody was building anything.
A tractor requires thousands of individual components, experienced workers, specialized equipment and assembly operations. None of those tasks, it turns out, can be accomplished by giving the shareholders a motivational speech. The Bureau of Labor Statistics tracks the machinery manufacturing industry in considerable detail, and nowhere in the data is there a column for “tractors assembled by optimism.”
One industrial economist explained that manufacturers have historically relied on a complicated process called having employees.
“Companies hire people, those people manufacture products, and customers purchase the products,” he said. “It’s an obscure economic theory dating back to the Industrial Revolution.”
Wall Street analysts reportedly requested additional research.
Leaked Plant Memo Calls Tractor Assembly “Staff-Dependent”
A memo circulated to supervisors at John Deere Waterloo Tractor Operations and reviewed by this publication describes the assembly process as “staff-dependent at this time.” The memo runs three paragraphs. It asks supervisors to “confirm headcount before confirming production schedules” and notes that “several line stations remain unoccupied.”
A fourth paragraph was added by hand in the margin of the copy obtained. It reads, in full: “Who is going to weld this?”
Nobody has claimed authorship of the handwritten line. Three supervisors said it was not theirs. A fourth said it was, and then asked to be referred to as a consultant.
Meeting Minutes Show Long Silence Over Production Without Production Workers
Minutes from a planning session held ahead of the announcement list seven agenda items. Item three, “Current Tractor Output,” was approved without discussion. Item four, “Producing Tractors Without Producing Employees,” was tabled after a participant asked how.
The minutes record a silence lasting “approximately four minutes.” They record that a second participant then suggested the matter be revisited “once we figure out who knows how to do any of this.” The motion carried unanimously, which the minutes describe as the most agreement the group had reached all quarter.
Deere Spokesperson Confirms Tractors Still Require Assembly
“We’re pleased to welcome our colleagues back and we’re grateful for their skill,” a company spokesperson said Saturday. Asked whether the plant could keep running on reduced staffing alone, the spokesperson said the company “continues to evaluate all options.”
Pressed on whether any of those options involved tractors assembling themselves, the spokesperson paused, then confirmed that a tractor contains roughly the same number of bolts as it did last week.
Farmers Express Cautious Optimism About Deere Hiring
American farmers welcomed the employment announcement, although several questioned whether Deere executives had consulted anyone who actually purchases tractors.
“That’s wonderful,” said an Iowa corn grower. “Now if they’d hire somebody who can explain why I need a banker’s permission to replace my combine.”
The farmer said his grandfather purchased equipment with cash, his father purchased equipment with financing, and he now purchases equipment through a combination of debt, prayer and promising his wife they’ll take a vacation someday.
Industry observers noted that bringing back manufacturing workers could strengthen Midwestern communities where good industrial jobs support local businesses. Employment creates wages. Wages support families. Families buy groceries, automobiles and occasionally a hamburger without checking their account balance first. The principle has survived several generations of business-school instruction.
Meanwhile, Deere’s announcement confirmed that approximately 125 employees remain on layoff in the Des Moines area. Corporate strategists described those workers as an important reminder that economic recovery is most efficient when not everybody experiences it at the same time.
The returning Waterloo employees, for their part, welcomed the chance to get back to building tractors. Their principal concern is whether management intends to keep building them once the next quarterly spreadsheet arrives.
Five Humorous Observations
- They laid off the people who build the tractors and then seemed surprised there weren’t any tractors. That’s like firing the pilot to save on fuel and then asking why the plane’s still at the gate.
- “Staff-dependent.” That’s the corporate way of saying “needs people.” My refrigerator is staff-dependent. Somebody’s got to put the food in it.
- Four minutes of silence in a meeting. I’ve been in marriages with less honest communication than that.
- Wall Street asked for more research. On whether factories need workers. Folks, they’ve got a building full of guys named Dale who could’ve answered that for free.
- The machinist says next week they’ll discover we need electricity. Give it time. Somebody’s gonna put it in a slide deck and call it a breakthrough.