Device Also Dispenses Gold Stickers When Blame Is Deflected Creatively
Trump Installs “Apology Buzzer” in Mar-a-Lago: Shocks Staff Who Say “Sorry’
Device Also Dispenses Gold Stickers When Blame Is Deflected Creatively
MAR-A-LAGO, FL — In a bold step toward a fully regret-free environment, Donald J. Trump has outfitted his Mar-a-Lago estate with “Apology Buzzers”–motion-sensor devices that deliver a mild electric shock anytime someone says the word “sorry.”
“We’re eliminating weakness at the source,” said Trump, who tested the system by shouting “I’m wrong!” in the mirror, then chuckling as nothing happened. “See? It doesn’t even register!”
The buzzers, disguised as eagle-shaped chandeliers, are connected to AI software trained exclusively on Trump’s tweets and old Apprentice footage. Staff are now trained to substitute phrases like “my bad” with “you’re welcome for the learning opportunity.”
Employees who creatively deflect blame–like attributing errors to Obama, gravity, or solar flares–receive a gold sticker featuring Trump’s face and the phrase “Great Effort, No Responsibility.”
Melania was reportedly zapped for whispering “oops” after knocking over a decorative pineapple. “She’s adjusting well,” Trump assured reporters.
The system has already been shipped to the offices of several GOP senators and a Chick-fil-A in Georgia for beta testing.
“It’s about accountability,” Trump said. “And by that, I mean holding everyone else accountable while looking fantastic.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
