Senate Republicans Applaud, Democrats Ask “Is This Performance Art?”
Trump Names New Cabinet Position: Secretary of Not Apologizing, Picks Kanye as First Nominee
Senate Republicans Applaud, Democrats Ask “Is This Performance Art?”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that surprised even his most loyal advisors, Donald Trump has announced the formation of a brand-new cabinet-level position: Secretary of Not Apologizing. The post, he declared, will “lead America’s refusal to back down, look back, or ever say sorry.”
His nominee? Kanye West.
“Kanye’s never apologized for anything. Not the concerts, not the speeches, not the leather kilts. That’s the energy we need,” Trump told reporters while autographing Bibles with a gold Sharpie.
In his acceptance speech, Kanye said, “I’m not sorry for interrupting this moment with more of me. That’s the whole job, right?”
The new department will be headquartered in a luxury RV parked behind Trump Tower. Its budget? “Whatever we can divert from PBS and OSHA,” Trump said proudly.
Duties include shredding pre-written apologies, tweeting in all caps, and staging rallies on the White House lawn called “BlameFest.”
Senator Josh Hawley praised the move: “Finally, someone to defend America from the tyranny of empathy.”
Chuck Schumer responded, “This isn’t governance — it’s an improv class gone rogue.”
Trump concluded, “We’re going to win so much without apologizing, you’ll beg me to say sorry. But I won’t.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
