First Course: Gaslighting 101, Taught by a Mirror and a Bullhorn
Trump University Relaunches with “No Regrets” Curriculum
First Course: Gaslighting 101, Taught by a Mirror and a Bullhorn
NEW YORK, NY — After a brief hiatus that included lawsuits, bankruptcy, and a very polite cease-and-desist letter (which Trump proudly ignored), Trump University is back — and this time it’s bolder, brassier, and completely sorry-free.
“No regrets, no refunds, no weakness,” Trump declared. “It’s the only school where a dropped course means you just denied it ever existed.”
The new curriculum is based on three pillars: 1) Deny Everything, 2) Brag Loudly, and 3) If Cornered, Change the Subject to Hillary.
Freshman orientation includes seminars like “Historical Revisionism for Beginners,” “How to Win a Debate by Interrupting,” and “Emotional Deflection Using Patriotic Metaphors.”
Students receive a free Trump mirror and megaphone upon enrollment. The mirror reminds them they’re always right, and the megaphone drowns out doubt.
The school motto? “Veni, Vidi, Gaslighi.”
Accreditation remains pending, but Trump insists, “We’re already more legit than Harvard. Harvard apologizes. We don’t.”
One alumnus, Randy Biggums of Tulsa, said, “Best $27,000 I ever spent not learning anything.”
Melania is rumored to be developing the fashion line for the graduation robes, rumored to feature sequins spelling “Unrepentant” down the back.
Financial aid comes in the form of NFTs, and tuition can be paid in MAGA Bucks, gold bullion, or deeds to regret-free property.
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
