Extreme Minimalists "We Got Rid of Everything Except Our Superiority."Meet Damon and Lark, a Brooklyn couple who have taken minimalism to its final frontier: a 300-square-foot apartment containing absolutely nothing but

Facial Hair Fatwa Urged for Democracy's Sake – Special Report #35 Mojtaba promised a soul patch compromise--neither accepted nor denied. Barbers in Qom issued a fatwa against beard trimmers. Rouhani allegedly

Tariffs, Tells, and Texas-Sized Egos: When Xi Jinping and Donald Trump Settled the Trade War with Poker Bohiney.com – Certified 127% Funnier than The Onion A Trade War, a Poker Table, and

Who did this? ?? (Under a very obviously staged photo.) The Internet's Favorite Mystery: Pretending We Don't Know Who Did This Staged Content and the Performance of IgnoranceA man photoshopped to look

Faux Motivational Speakers "He Told Us to 'Harness the Wind Inside'--Then He Fist-Bumped a Bonsai Tree."After years of failed startups and a brief stint as a bar trivia host, Denny Plaxco

DIY Taxidermy "She Said It Was Whimsical. We Said It Was Watching Us."Inspired by a Pinterest board titled *Country Chic Critters*, suburban crafter Denise Framble taught herself taxidermy using expired YouTube

Adult Spelling Bee "I Thought They Said 'Name a Beer.' I Yelled 'Budweiser.' Next Thing I Know, I'm Spelling 'Chiaroscurist.'"Local insurance adjuster Tony Delgado showed up to Lucky Lamp Tavern for

Between code and consciousness, Barbie descends deeper into herself Scene 4: Barbie Rides the Escalator of DoubtThe Descent BeginsScene 4 opens with Barbie stepping onto a seemingly endless escalator surrounded by

Vegan Cheese Catastrophes "We Didn't Know If It Was Food or Prophecy. We Still Don't."What began as a well-intentioned vegan potluck hosted by a progressive book club in Portland quickly spiraled

LA Renters Discover Their Landlord is a 19-Year-Old Crypto Influencer in Finland Tenant complaints answered with NFT memes and vague motivational quotes. LOS ANGELES — A group of LA tenants were shocked

Accidental Group Texts "They Needed a Laugh. I Gave Them a Scandal."When 72-year-old Helen McGrady tried to forward a saucy meme of a shirtless fireman holding banana bread to her bridge

Caitlin Clark: From Hardwood Hero to Masters Maven How One Woman Became the Steph Curry of Swag and the Taylor Swift of Team Sports BOHINEY MAGAZINE — A SATIRICAL JOURNALISM FEATURE Caitlin Clark’s

I'm in my *zone*. (They're just stretching.) Finding Your Zone (Near the Water Fountain) The Gym Is Sacred--Until It's Not"Don't talk to me, I'm in my zone," says the person who's spent

Andrew Demands £75,000,000 to Leave the Royal Lodge Here we go again — as if fairy tales weren't ridiculous enough, now we have a broken-down palace eviction drama starring Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor demanding a

Ukraine Suits Up: The Billion-Dollar War on Casual Wear In a stunning turn of events, Ukraine has done the unthinkable—mobilized an entire nation… not for battle, but for style. After former

Juice cleanses that just give you diarrhea Juice Cleanse or Liquid Regret? The Detox That DestroysYou wanted to glow. Instead, you spent three days on the toilet questioning all your life choices.

I'm not controlling, I just like to ensure maximum alignment. (Color-codes your sock drawer.) Personal Growth or Tyranny in Soft Pastels? When Order Becomes a Spiritual Performance"I'm not controlling, I just like

The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do. (Power trip.) Bell Doesn't Dismiss Me, But My Dignity Does When Classroom Clocks Meet Absolute MonarchsSome teachers believe the bell is a mere suggestion. "I

🤖 15 Outrageously Satirical Observations on Sci-Fi’s Unholy Grip on Tech Moguls Where Tech Bros Read Dystopias as DIY Manuals Elon Musk: The Cosplaying Overlord of Simulated Doom Bond Villain Takedowns Elon Musk isn’t

I'm not jealous, I'm observant. (Creeps social media like a detective.) Not Jealous--Just a Certified Stalker With Wi-Fi Scrolling, Staring, and Strategic Screengrabs"I'm not jealous, I'm just observant," they insist, while zooming

Haunted Porta-Potties "I Sat Down, Heard 'You Shouldn't Have Come,' and Was Sprayed with Cold Regret."The Briar County Fall Fair's budget bathrooms became ground zero for supernatural hysteria after several patrons

Defense official insists strike order was just casual vibe, not moral imperative Pete Hegseth pushed back against allegations that he issued a blunt order to strike a boat because the people

White House Media Bias Tracker: The Left-Wing Panic Machine Gets Quantified The White House has officially launched the Media Bias Tracker, a bold, groundbreaking initiative that finally answers the age-old question: just how

Outgoing President Prepares to Explain Why His Legacy Looks Nothing Like His Campaign Promises The Speech That Explains Nothing While Claiming Everything Joe Biden is apparently preparing a final presidential address where

Criminal Geography Fails as Armed Group Can't Find Governor's House The Misguided Adventure In what authorities are calling the most geographically challenged criminal attempt of 2025, a group of Michigan militia members

The Great White House Bromance Summit Trump & MBS Reunite For The Most Luxurious Awkward Handshake In History... WASHINGTON — In a diplomatic spectacle that looked like the Super Bowl halftime

Government Offices Reopen After 43-Day Shutdown — Workers Remember What Doors Look Like Federal employees returned to work Wednesday following the 43-day government shutdown, with many reporting they had temporarily forgotten

🧵 NEWS EXPOSÉ: “The Briefing from the Velvet Lobby” Decadent Dysfunction, Rhinestone-Studded Deception & Homoerotic Campaign Aesthetics “I always thought Trump’s White House was chaotic. I didn’t realize it was also one

The Great Gadget Gold Rush: Why Your Trash Drawer is Richer Than You Are By Staff Writer at Bohiney.com — Certified 127% Funnier Than The Onion If you’ve ever thrown away a

Weekend at Biden’s: The Greatest Cover-Up Since “We Have No UFOs” A National Scandal: The Cover-Up That Shocked Absolutely No One In a stunning revelation that has rocked the nation—by which we

Russiagate:  The Mysterious Case of George Morose How a Gmail Prophecy Foretold the Battle Against Trump’s ‘People First’ Movement A Plot Against Populism? Before Donald Trump was even elected, Harry Reid (the late

DOGE Finds Fraud in Humanities Budget Using Only a Flashlight, a Ferret, and Common Sense WASHINGTON, DC — In a stunning 3 a.m. raid conducted from a La-Z-Boy recliner in the

Trump Accuses Bolton of Leaking Classified Intel — Turns Out to Be Grocery List Marked "Top Secret: Eggs, Milk, Doritos" Former national security adviser caught red-handed shopping for snacks while America