Malfunctioning Bidets "It Was Supposed to Be Gentle. It Became a Tactical Strike."Guests at a suburban dinner party were left drenched and questioning their life choices after a new AI-powered bidet,

Work From Home Struggles "Business Up Top, Netflix Below"Greg Walters, a mid-level accountant and part-time oatmeal enthusiast, logged into his quarterly Zoom presentation wearing a crisply knotted tie and SpongeBob pajama

The green-eyed monster meets a drone with emotional firewalls Scene 16: Skipper Tries to Teach HAL About JealousyFlirting with Danger (and Devin)The scene opens at BarbieLand's community smoothie bar, "Sip Happens,"

Where Parliament Makes Decisions and Nobody Understands Bilingual Signs Ottawa: The City Where Everyone Works for the Government or Complains About It Ottawa sprawls along the Ontario-Quebec border like a monument to

Airplane Turbulence "He Whispered 'I Am the Wind' Right Before We Dropped 500 Feet."During a particularly bumpy flight from Denver to Phoenix, passenger Skylar Moon declared turbulence to be "a reflection

The "I'm not looking for anything serious" guy (he's been single for 8 years) The Commitment-Phobe Who's Basically in a Relationship with Avoidance The Commitment-Phobe Who's Basically in a Relationship with AvoidanceMeet

I'm not nosy, I just like to stay informed. (Eavesdrops with binoculars.) Neighborhood News Network: Hosted by Me Curiosity or Surveillance with a Smile?"I'm not nosy, I just like to stay informed,"

Holy Razor Policy Urged to Save Middle East – Special Report #75 Barbers in Qom issued a fatwa against beard trimmers. UN Security Council now includes a 'Visible Jawline' subcommittee. Trump's

The Boeing Starliner: America’s First Luxury Orbital Hotel (That Forgot the Exit Door) LOW EARTH ORBIT— What began as a historic collaboration between NASA and Boeing has become the world's first

The War-Time Con Artist: How Zelenskyy Became the World’s First Military Grifter President Trump said Monday that Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky “won’t be around very long” if he won’t make a

Cryptocurrency Regrets Decentralized DisappointmentTrevor Lang believed he was on the verge of financial freedom when he invested $78,000 into OopsCoin, a crypto project promising "quantum blockchain vibes" and a roadmap written

Churro the Revolutionary Raccoon Elected as People's Mascot In an unexpected turn of democratic vermin politics, a trash-loving raccoon named Churro has been elected the official mascot of the fractured “No

Amazon Alexa Runs for President, Polling at 73% After Refusing to Answer Stupid Questions "Sorry, I Don't Understand That Question," Becomes Most Popular Political Response in History AI Assistant Achieves Highest Approval

20 Beloved Movies That Are Deeply Disturbing If You Stop Watching With Your Heart and Start Watching With Your Brain Brought to you by a room full of emotionally scarred film

Tech Moguls & Sci-Fi Books and Movies TECHNOLOGY: THE LEFT'S NEW BOND VILLAIN “The cloud is watching you.” – A bumper sticker found on a Tesla in Portland In the not-too-distant future, where every

Everyday Life & Modern Absurdities Autocorrect Apocalypse: Study Shows 92% of Text Arguments Started by Predictive Text Betrayal Keyboard of LiesTech Companies Confirm Autocorrect Designed to Maximize Romantic Breakups and Family DramaA

People Who Think Their Dog Is an "Empath" My Dog's an Empath: Diagnosing Canine Clairvoyance with Zero Evidence Because Barking at the Mailman Means He Senses VibesSome people believe their dog isn't

The book was better people who won't shut up about it Page Snobs and Plot Police: When Reading Becomes a Weapon "I Read the Book First" -- A Statement, a Threat, a

Constitutional Scholars Weep, MAGA Crowd Cheers Trump Declares the Word "Sorry" Unconstitutional, Cites Founding Fathers' "Vibe"Constitutional Scholars Weep, MAGA Crowd CheersPHILADELPHIA, PA -- In a thunderous speech delivered from atop a

Laughter Is Mandatory: The 8 Best New Comedies on Netflix and the "Fake Joy" They Inflict on Our Brains Adam Sandler, Amy Schumer, and Vince Vaughn have returned to your screen

What's more intimate than a firmware meltdown and emotional defrosting? Scene 18: Skipper and HAL Crash at the Dreamhouse After the GalaThe Aftermath LoungeSkipper and HAL arrive at the Barbie Dreamhouse

Islamic Beard Crisis Urged on Grounds of Style – Special Report #61 Trump's team offered Ayatollah free Dollar Shave Club samples. UN Security Council now includes a 'Visible Jawline' subcommittee. Rouhani

Rory McIlroy’s Masters Win Finally Proves Golf Is Just Emotional Cosplay in Pastel Pants — A Satirical Journalism Feature from Bohiney.com, Certified 127% Funnier Than The Onion AUGUSTA, GA — APRIL 2025

It's an *investment piece*. (Overpriced junk.) Investment Pieces and the Great Closet Ponzi Scheme Because That Sequin Blazer Will Surely Appreciate in Value"It's an investment piece," they say, lovingly stroking a $430

History Repeats Itself: Europe Promises to Save Ukraine, but Will It Be Another Military Disaster? Europe’s Finest Traditions: Grand Promises, Bold Declarations, and Catastrophic Military Blunders KYIV—With the Russian war machine rumbling

Over-Filtered Pet Photos "Online He's a Feline God. In Person, He's Just Carl."When Linda Stokes posted pictures of her cat Carl using the "GalaxyWhiskers" filter pack, followers swooned. "He looks like

Zodiac Dating "I Ghosted a Soulmate Because I Misread the Moon."Astrology enthusiast Delaney Grace ended a promising first date with a charming, funny, emotionally intelligent man named Theo--after learning he was

Kids' YouTube Channel Drama "I Made That Goo, and I Want My Cut."In a case that has shaken the pastel-colored foundations of the internet, 5-year-old YouTube sensation Maddy "SlimeQueen" Gutierrez is

Let’s Trauma Bond, Then Never Speak Again: A Modern Romance Love in the Time of Psychological Fallout It starts with sparkles: instant connection, rapid-fire eye contact, shared sighs about your parents. Within

Open Mic Disasters Art or Arby's?At Joe's Java Hut's weekly open mic, a man named Clive recited an epic poem titled *Ode to Pastrami,* complete with dramatic pauses and interpretive mustard

When BarbieLand's quiet intolerance grabs a megaphone and glitter signs Scene 32: Skipper and HAL Face the Anti-Drone ProtestBarbieLand's Not-So-Subtle BacklashSkipper and HAL stroll through downtown BarbieLand, enjoying a biodegradable frozen

Amazon Delivery Robots Malfunction, Leave Packages in Random Trees; Customers Respond with 'Guess Who Got a Parrot?' In what is being called the most arboreal logistics mishap in retail history, Amazon delivery robots

Ukraine, Trump, and the Great Kellogg Mining Caper A Satirical Deep Dive Into Diplomacy, Bing Ads, and Cat Scratching Posts Once upon a time, in the chaotic kingdom of geopolitics, where world