Overenthusiastic Life Coaches
“I Was Just Trying to Align Her Spine with Her Purpose.”
Personal growth took a hit this week when Chad “Chaz” Denton, a 26-year-old unlicensed life coach with a YouTube channel called *PowerTude*, attempted to motivate an elderly woman mid-jog by yelling “MANIFEST IT!” through a megaphone. She responded by striking him in the shin with a weighted fanny pack and telling him to “manifest some manners.”
Witnesses say Chaz had been loitering near a public trail offering unsolicited affirmations, spiritual consultations, and free samples of his branded “goal smoothies,” which include kale, regret, and optimism concentrate.
“He told me to unlock my cosmic hustle chakra,” said jogger Marlene Greevey, 74. “I told him to unlock a job.”
Chaz maintains he was simply offering guidance. “I saw stagnation in her gait and blockages in her aura,” he said from a makeshift ice bath fashioned from a birdbath and Himalayan salt.
Marlene’s swing was precise, decisive, and reportedly accompanied by the words “Namaste THIS.” Chaz limped away whispering “growth is pain” while live-streaming his injury for his followers, whom he refers to as “Chadherents.”
Local police declined to file charges, calling the incident “spiritually mutual.” Chaz has since pivoted to offering “consensual life audits” by appointment only. His new program, *Gently Great Again*, includes whisper affirmations and decaf kombucha enemas.
Marlene now hosts a weekly walk-and-rant meetup called *Manifest THIS*, where participants scream into the void while power walking around a duck pond.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigos.
