Mandatory Classes Include “How to Never Apologize” and “Blame Shifting Basics”
Trump Introduces “Confidence Curriculum” for Schools: Replaces History With “Victories” and “Wins”
Mandatory Classes Include “How to Never Apologize” and “Blame Shifting Basics”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an education reform plan that has sent shockwaves through academia, Donald Trump has proposed the “Confidence Curriculum,” a national school program designed to replace traditional history and civics lessons with courses emphasizing unapologetic pride, alternative facts, and expert-level blame deflection.
“Kids don’t need to know what happened, just that America won, bigly, all the time,” Trump said while signing a stack of papers printed on gold foil.
Core classes include:
- “Victories Over Facts” — Teaching students to reinterpret events in their favor
- “Blame Shifting Basics” — Advanced finger-pointing and rhetorical techniques
- “Never Say Sorry 101” — Roleplaying scenarios where apologies are replaced with “You’re welcome’
Textbooks will be replaced with Trump’s tweets, annotated with emojis and highlighted words like “tremendous” and “fake.”
Teachers will undergo certification in “Emotional Resilience and Refutation,” a program developed by former Fox News anchors.
Critics argue the plan undermines critical thinking. Trump fired back, “Critical thinking is just code for not believing me.”
School cafeterias will serve “Patriot Pudding” and “Victory Veggies,” and recess will include daily “Apology Dodgeball.”
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SOURCES:
How to Be POTUS Without Reading Anything
and
How to Be POTUS Without Ever Apologizing
