Berkeley Declares Itself a Monarchy-Free Zone, Except for Beyoncé

BERKELEY, CA — In an emotional city council meeting Tuesday night, the People’s Republic of Berkeley unanimously declared itself a “Monarchy-Free Zone,” banning all symbols of inherited power, titles, crowns, and birthday tiaras—with one exception: Beyoncé.

Councilmember Soleil Moon-Prism, wearing a cape made of hemp and solar panels, introduced the measure. “We must resist all hierarchical oppression,” she said, “unless it slays. And Beyoncé slays.”

The motion passed 12-0, with one abstention from a councilmember who briefly argued for Dolly Parton sovereignty before being shushed by a tambourine-wielding grad student.

The new law mandates that anyone found referring to friends as “queen” without proper homage to Beyoncé’s 2016 Lemonade album must pay a $27 fine, which will fund decolonized yoga classes for Labradoodles.

Berkeley’s public library immediately removed all books on British monarchs, including Shakespeare’s histories, which have been replaced by bootleg Solange zines. Meanwhile, local anarchist bakeries now only serve pastries named after democratic concepts: The “Voting Danish,” the “Co-op Croissant,” and the “Mutual Aid Muffin.”

As Beyoncé’s face was projected onto City Hall using biodegradable glitter lasers, chants of “Slay the Throne!” erupted in the crowd.

Queen Elizabeth’s ghost reportedly unfollowed the city on Instagram.