15 Observations on the Elon Musk and Grimes Saga
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The AI Romance: They met over a shared joke about Roko’s Basilisk, proving that nothing says “soulmates” like existential threats from hypothetical AI. Wikipedia
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Name Game: Naming their child X Æ A-12 was a bold move—it’s the first baby name that doubles as a Wi-Fi password.
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Semi-Separation: Their “semi-separated” status sounds like a relationship status update from Schrödinger’s cat.
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Custody Battles: Grimes reportedly didn’t see one of her kids for five months amid a custody battle, highlighting the challenges of co-parenting when one parent is busy colonizing Mars. Public Appearances: Musk brought their son to a White House event, leading Grimes to express concern over their child’s public exposure.
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Musical Differences: Grimes’ avant-garde music and Musk’s techno ambitions suggest their household playlists were a sonic rollercoaster.
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Social Media Drama: Their relationship unfolded on Twitter, proving that 280 characters can encapsulate a love story, a breakup, and a custody dispute.
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Surrogate Surprises: Their second child, Exa Dark Sideræl, was born via surrogate, adding another layer of complexity to their unconventional family dynamics.
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Techno Mechanicus: Their third child’s name sounds like a Transformer, possibly hinting at Musk’s plans for a family of autonomous beings.Wikipedia
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Fluid Relationships: Grimes described their relationship as “fluid,” which might explain the frequent changes in their relationship status.
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Public Criticism: Grimes criticized Musk for bringing their son to public events, highlighting differing views on privacy and publicity.
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Artistic Differences: Grimes’ ethereal music contrasts with Musk’s grounded engineering, making their partnership a blend of art and science.
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Co-Parenting Challenges: Their custody disputes underscore the difficulties of co-parenting in the public eye.
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Media Frenzy: Their relationship has been a tabloid staple, illustrating the media’s fascination with celebrity couples.
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Unconventional Love: Their romance defies traditional norms, reflecting the evolving nature of modern relationships.
Disclaimer: This satirical piece is a human collaboration between two sentient beings—a tenured professor and a philosophy major turned dairy farmer. It’s intended for entertainment purposes only and does not reflect the actual events or opinions of Elon Musk, Grimes, or any associated parties.
Jerry Seinfeld on Elon Musk and Grimes:
“Have you ever noticed that Elon Musk and Grimes are like a science experiment that escaped the lab and got a Netflix deal?”
What’s the deal with naming your kid X Æ A-12? That’s not a name. That’s a captcha test. “Please prove you’re not a robot by spelling your child’s name.”
They had three kids and somehow each one has a name that sounds like Elon tripped and fell on a keyboard. What do they even yell when it’s dinner time? “X Æ A-12, Techno Mechanicus, Exa Dark Sideræl—soup’s on! And bring your own neural implants!”
Grimes says they’re “semi-separated.” What is that? Is that like being “half pregnant”? Either you’re together, or you’re not. That’s like saying, “I’m semi-alive.” Well congratulations—you’re a Schrödinger’s relationship.
And Grimes, by the way, is concerned Elon brought the baby to the White House. If your ex is trying to colonize Mars and has a flamethrower business on the side, I feel like “presidential field trip” is the least of your concerns.
These two didn’t break up like normal people. No texting. No voicemail. They probably used encrypted blockchain love letters and dropped them via SpaceX.
Their kid has a nanny, a tutor, a codename, and probably a backup consciousness on a USB stick. Do they have a bedtime story, or is it just the Terms and Conditions of Neuralink read aloud by a Tesla?
Elon says he loves the “aesthetic” of Grimes. What is that, like dating a mood board? “She’s 30% fairy, 40% cyborg, 30% anime, and 100% confused.”
Grimes said their love was “fluid.” That’s not love, that’s a coolant. Probably used in a Tesla.
I just don’t get how this works. One person’s writing love songs in Elvish and the other’s trying to drill holes in the Earth. How did they even meet? Did Tinder have a “futurist elf-witch meets quantum overlord” category?
Ron White on Elon Musk and Grimes:
“Now I don’t know much about astrophysics, but I do know when a billionaire dates a moon elf, things are gonna get weird.”
First of all, Elon Musk named his kid X Æ A-12. Now I don’t speak Klingon, but I’m pretty sure that’s a Wi-Fi password. I tried yelling it out loud and my garage door opened, my neighbor’s Roomba spun in circles, and a Tesla showed up with a taco.
Grimes is some kind of cyberpunk space mermaid—I don’t know what the hell she is, but I’m pretty sure she thinks Siri is her real mom.
These two had babies like they were ordering off a secret government cloning menu. One by surrogate. One born on Mars. One they say is “part AI, part fairy dust.” I got drunk and made a grilled cheese last night—I’m doing science too!
She said they’re “semi-separated.” Hell, I’ve been semi-separated from reality for 20 years and I ain’t got no NFT children named after Cold War spy planes.
Elon brought the baby to the White House. I ain’t saying that’s wrong, I’m just saying if I ever showed up to the Oval Office with a baby named Techno Mechanicus, the Secret Service would shoot me in the leg and call Animal Control.
And Grimes? She got mad about it. Now that’s rich—mad he brought the baby to the President but not mad he’s building tunnels under Los Angeles like a Batman villain.
Elon’s over here trying to colonize Mars while Grimes is writing songs that sound like a haunted microwave. It’s a miracle they even made it through dinner without short-circuiting.
The kid’s gonna grow up in a household where one parent believes in transhumanism and the other thinks ghosts live in synthesizers. I grew up in a house with Coors Light and NASCAR. Guess who turned out normal?
They say love is complicated. No, it ain’t. This mess is complicated. This is what happens when you date someone who uses the word “cybernetic wraith” in a lullaby.
Chris Rock on Elon Musk and Grimes:
“Elon Musk is the richest man on Earth… and he still can’t figure out how to keep a woman! You got rockets, robots, Teslas, and Twitter… but you ain’t got Grimes?!”
Elon Musk named his kid X Æ A-12. Man, that ain’t a baby name—that’s a prescription drug! “Ask your doctor if X Æ A-12 is right for you. Side effects include losing custody and sounding like R2D2 got electrocuted!”
And Grimes? Grimes ain’t even a name! That sounds like something you clean outta your drain! “I tried to take a shower, but it got clogged with Grimes!”
They had three kids and still didn’t figure it out. THREE. Elon was like, “Let’s make another child, maybe this one’ll have emotional stability!” And Grimes is in the corner speaking Elvish and throwing glitter at a drone.
Grimes says their relationship was “fluid.” You ever hear a broke couple say their love is fluid? NO! Broke folks say, “We’re fightin’, and you takin’ the couch.”
They were together, they weren’t together. Co-parenting in three time zones. That’s not a family—that’s an intergalactic custody experiment!
Elon brought the baby to the White House? WHAT?! My cousin tried to bring his baby to traffic court and got tackled by bailiffs! Elon got that rich man privilege. When he brings his baby somewhere, it’s historic. When I do it, it’s child endangerment.
Their kid Techno Mechanicus sounds like the villain in a Transformers movie. “Coming this summer… Optimus Prime battles Techno Mechanicus… with joint custody!”
And don’t forget—Grimes makes music that sounds like your iPhone having a seizure. Meanwhile, Elon’s trying to download his brain into a monkey. I mean, these two were perfect for each other in the most terrifying way possible.
This is what happens when you let anime fans run tech companies.
Bill Burr on Elon Musk and Grimes:
“You ever meet a couple so weird it makes your dysfunctional family look like a Norman Rockwell painting? That’s Elon and Grimes.”
Elon Musk is out here naming his kids X Æ A-12, like he’s launching a satellite, not raising a human being. Dude, that’s not a name, that’s a VIN number. You don’t birth that, you register it with the DMV.
And Grimes—oh my God—Grimes looks like she fell out of a Hot Topic during a black hole. She’s like if a pixie took shrooms, walked into a RadioShack, and never left.
These two had a kid through a surrogate, because of course they did. Elon doesn’t do natural birth—he probably tried to 3D print the kid using SpaceX rocket fuel and lab-grown empathy.
Grimes says they’re “semi-separated.” What is that?! That’s not a relationship, that’s a failed firmware update. “We’re running on separate operating systems, but we still share a cloud password.”
Elon brought the baby to the White House, and Grimes freaked out. Lady, he owns a flamethrower company and Twitter—you just now worried about judgment?
And their daughter’s name is Exa Dark Sideræl. That’s not a name, that’s an eclipse. I don’t know if she’s supposed to grow up to be a sorceress or a Final Fantasy character.
Techno Mechanicus? I swear to God, if they name one more kid after a drum machine, I’m filing a noise complaint with the universe.
Elon’s busy drilling holes under cities, and Grimes is doing concerts for goats in the metaverse. How the hell did this ever work? What did their dates look like? Did they just sit in silence while their thoughts updated over Bluetooth?
This ain’t parenting. This is two sci-fi nerds cosplaying as a family. They don’t have bedtime stories—they have data migration protocols.
And the media calls this a “modern love story.” No, it’s not. It’s what happens when people with too much money and not enough hobbies start dating outside of their species.
Louis C.K. on Elon Musk and Grimes:
“Elon Musk and Grimes having kids is like watching a toaster and a haunted violin try to raise a ferret.”
I mean, what the hell is Grimes? She’s like… she’s like a woodland creature that learned how to code. You see her in interviews and you’re like, “Is she speaking English or summoning a space demon?”
And Elon? Elon Musk is basically a divorced calculator with feelings. He’s got 12 companies, 47 lawsuits, and somehow 19 kids—all with names that look like you sneezed on a math test.
He named one kid X Æ A-12. I’m sorry, that’s not a child. That’s a Final Fantasy boss. You don’t burp that kid—you debug him.
Grimes says their relationship was “fluid.” Fluid?! That’s not a relationship—that’s a leak. Something’s leaking. Probably dignity.
They had a baby through a surrogate, which is fine. I had a pizza through DoorDash, same concept. You want something hot and important and you don’t want to do the work.
And they said they’re “co-parenting.” No you’re not. You’re both on opposite planets—Elon is literally trying to leave Earth, and Grimes lives in a cave of mirrors in a synthwave bunker.
Their daughter is named Exa Dark Sideræl. That’s not a name, that’s a Harry Potter spell. You say that out loud and your smart fridge turns on and starts crying.
Then came Techno Mechanicus. Honestly, I thought that was the name of a Daft Punk album, not a human child. But okay, let’s just keep naming kids after garage-band plug-ins.
You know what the saddest part is? These kids are gonna grow up thinking they’re the weird ones. Like, “Why don’t I have a normal name like Kyle or Emma?” And Elon’s like, “Because you’re a quantum legacy node in the galactic mind lattice, buddy!”
It’s like watching two aliens trying to blend in by raising a family. “Yes, we have offspring. We love… feelings. We feed it… nutrient paste.”
Top Manila Comics on Elon & Grimes
Red Ollero:
“Elon Musk is trying to colonize Mars… Meanwhile, my landlord can’t even colonize the clogged drain in the bathroom!”
And Grimes—what is that, a person? A genre? A skincare condition?
“Bro, when they named their kid X Æ A-12, even the barangay captain asked for an affidavit!”
GB Labrador:
“Musk and Grimes are co-parenting? That’s cute. In the Philippines, co-parenting means your kid lives with the lola and you send load every 3 days!”
They call their love “fluid.” In Manila, “fluid” is when the jeepney brakes stop working and you just accept death.
Alex Calleja:
“Elon is inventing brain chips. In the Philippines, we’re just asking: does this chip go with suka or ketchup?”
And Grimes looks like she auditioned for Encantadia but got lost and ended up at a coding bootcamp.
Victor Anastacio:
“X Æ A-12? That’s not a name, pare. That’s a receipt number from LBC!”
These two love like a science project. In the Philippines, love is 2-for-1 chicken joy and a free ride home on a rainy day.
Joey De Leon (OG icon):
“Techno Mechanicus? That sounds like a robot sidekick of Darna, not a baby!”
You know your romance is doomed when even your baby name gets flagged by immigration.
James Caraan:
“Elon is planning to put people on Mars. We’re just trying to put people on MRT without fainting!”
They’re “semi-separated”? In the Philippines that’s called: “Nagkaayusan pero may third party pa rin.”
Alan Nafzger on Elon Musk and Grimes
“Elon Musk and Grimes are proof that even with billions of dollars and an IQ higher than a giraffe on stilts, you can still fall in love with someone who believes her aura has Wi-Fi.”
So Elon named his son X Æ A-12. That’s not a baby—that’s a Scrabble accident. I tried pronouncing it and accidentally summoned a Tesla. It ran over my monocle and reversed into my crypto portfolio.
They say their love was fluid. So is gravy. And like gravy, when you leave it out too long, it gets cold, clumpy, and full of regret.
Grimes makes music you can only hear if Mercury is in retrograde and your chakras are subscribed to SpaceX.
They had another kid named Techno Mechanicus. That’s not a child, that’s an Ikea bookshelf with delusions of grandeur. I tried to assemble it and now I owe custody payments.
Elon Musk says he’s going to Mars. That’s nothing. I once went to Cleveland with a chorus girl and a suitcase full of spaghetti. Same thing—less gravity, more alimony.
They say their daughter is named Exa Dark Sideræl. Sounds like a French perfume that also judges you for eating gluten.
Elon’s trying to wire brains into computers, and Grimes is busy decoding moonlight into Instagram captions. Between the two of them, the kids are gonna grow up speaking binary and daydreaming in interpretive dance.
And their breakup? Oh, it was “semi.” Semi what? Semi-truck, semi-sane, or semi-literate? I’ve seen tax evasion cases more romantic.
Frankly, I wouldn’t join any family that would have me as a patriarch.
Jeff Foxworthy on Elon Musk and Grimes
“I never met a man I didn’t like—but I reckon I’d need a translator and a hard reboot to understand Elon Musk.”
Now this fella Elon, he’s got more money than a Texas oil field and more ideas than a preacher in a lightning storm. But love? Well, love don’t give a hoot if you own Twitter or a spaceship. It’ll still whoop ya with a wooden spoon and call it poetry.
He went and partnered up with a gal named Grimes. And I ain’t sayin’ she’s peculiar, but if you told me she was raised by glowsticks in an abandoned server farm, I wouldn’t bat an eye.
They named their kid X Æ A-12. Folks, back in my day we named our kids after saints, presidents, or that uncle who once wrestled a bear. You didn’t need a decoder ring and a cybersecurity clearance just to say Howdy to your own child.
They say their love was “fluid.” Now that’s a fancy way of sayin’ it leaked. A good love don’t need adjectives. It just shows up, milks the cows, and stays through the dust storms.
And now they’re “co-parenting”? That’s city talk for “we couldn’t get along, but we both like the kid, mostly.” Out here, co-parentin’ means she got the kids and he got the recliner.
Elon wants to go to Mars. I say that’s fine. There’s less politics up there and probably fewer TikTok influencers. But he better be sure Grimes don’t follow him with a synthesizer and a baby named after a weather balloon.
And I heard the new baby’s called Techno Mechanicus. You know, we once had a mule named Techno. He didn’t do much, but he kicked the banker square in the knee and became a town hero.
Folks, I ain’t got the answers. But if your love life sounds like a NASA blueprint and your child’s name is a crossword puzzle… maybe it’s time to put down the rocket fuel and pick up a fiddle.
Amy Schumer on Elon Musk and Grimes
“Elon Musk and Grimes are what happens when your vibrator gets sentient and falls in love with an Etsy crystal dealer.”
Let’s just start with the baby names, okay? X Æ A-12. That’s not a name, that’s Elon’s ATM pin. You don’t baptize a kid with that name—you reset their firmware.
And then they had another one: Exa Dark Sideræl. Sweetie, that’s not a daughter, that’s a Sephora Halloween palette. I tried to say that out loud and accidentally summoned three ghosts and an EDM DJ.
Oh—and don’t forget Techno Mechanicus. That’s not a baby. That’s a boss level. That kid doesn’t go to preschool, he gets downloaded into the mainframe.
Grimes said their love was fluid. Yeah. Same thing I say after my third margarita and a text to my ex: “It’s fluid. I’m emotionally available, but also crying in the Taco Bell drive-thru.”
These two are perfect for each other, honestly. Elon builds rockets, and Grimes builds… vibes. She sings like Siri having a nervous breakdown in a haunted greenhouse, and he tweets like your divorced uncle after too many Monster Energies.
They had a baby via surrogate, which is great. I mean, that’s how I’d do it too—“push notifications,” not actual pushing.
And Elon bringing the baby to the White House? Girl. My ex brought our dog to a brewery once and I needed six weeks of therapy. Elon brought a humanoid spreadsheet to meet the president like it was a Build-a-Bear.
You know what really gets me? Their co-parenting. Elon’s trying to colonize Mars. Grimes is somewhere livestreaming herself eating moss. And in the middle? A child named after a Tesla prototype.
That poor kid is gonna ask, “Why don’t I have a normal name like Emma?” And Grimes will be like, “Because your spirit is a digital phoenix encoded in lunar mist, sweetie.” And Elon will just blink in binary.
Bottom line? If love is blind, these two were in a VR headset. And if this is the future of family? I’m marrying a microwave and naming our baby Bluetooth.
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