LAPD Opens New “Journalist Obstacle Course” Behind Courthouse
In a bold move toward transparency and physical comedy, the LAPD has unveiled its new “Journalist Obstacle Course” in a vacant lot behind the Los Angeles County Courthouse. Officially dubbed Press Conditioning & Awareness Terrain (PCAT), the course features tear gas wind tunnels, swinging foam batons, legal jargon mines, and a live Twitter outrage simulator.
The LAPD claims the course is designed to help reporters “build reflexes and respect.” A department spokesperson, Sgt. Vance “Don’t Quote Me” McAllister, said, “We thought, if they’re gonna get hit anyway, might as well give ’em a training montage.”
Pulitzer hopefuls can now practice weaving between riot shields while yelling “I’m with the press!” in 14 different languages. Local journalism schools are offering course credit for successful completion, and Fox News has already applied to film a reality spin-off called Run & Report.
Critics call the course “a dystopian parody of civic order,” while supporters say it’s “great cardio.”
No word yet on whether the final obstacle, called The Qualified Immunity Wall, is truly impossible to breach, but one intern from KPCC got close before being tackled by a retired sergeant dressed as a plant.
Applications for spring classes are open. Helmets optional. Lawyers strongly encouraged.
