​Beijing Braces for Trump-Xi Summit: China Deploys Emotional Support Pandas, Prepares for Great Wall vs. Border Wall Debate BEIJING- In a move that has rattled tea cups from the Forbidden City

Prince Harry’s Explosive Parenting: Teaching Toddler Archie About Landmines, Because ABCs Are Too Mainstream From Baby Shark to Bomb Disposal: Inside Harry’s Unique Child-Rearing Philosophy Prince Harry has once again demonstrated his

Tariffs Are Just a Tool: Like a Hammer, a Wrecking Ball, or a Flamethrower WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move that shocked precisely zero people, former President Donald Trump once again

Trump Proposes $2,000 Tariff Dividend, Americans Wonder If Money Comes With Free Tinfoil Hat Washington, D.C.—In a proposal that economists describe as "creative, confusing, and potentially award-winning in the category of

Barron Trump: America’s Most Normal Guy (No, Really) Barron Trump Wears Jeans 85% of the Time By Annika Steinmann A Normal Teen in Designer Denim America has been waiting decades for a Trump who

Democrats Suddenly Support Israel After Watching ‘Themselves’ in Epstein’s Home Theater By two fully sentient beings — the world’s oldest tenured professor and a dairy farmer who moonlights as a body

Red, Blue, and Divorced: The Rise of Politically Driven Splits Left vs. Right in the Bedroom Washington D.C. -- Political discussions have always been a bit taboo, but now they’ve entered the bedroom

Alright, Alright, Alright: Texas Gets Bamboozled by Hollywood's Most Elaborate Prank (Or Is It?) When campaign signs meet streaming services, democracy gets delightfully confusing This morning, I woke up thinking about the

Cartel Policy, Unlawful Combatants, Satire WASHINGTON — The administration's latest border security initiative to designate drug cartels as "unlawful combatants" has sparked debate, confusion, and an unexpected spike in community college enrollments across

Federal Workers Describe Shutdown Chaos; Say They're Now 'Full-Time Netflix Critics' As the federal government grinds to a halt, employees affected by the shutdown are reporting a dramatic shift in job

Investors Cheer Shutdown: Finally, Something Worse Than Their Portfolio By Chloe Summers | Bohiney Magazine Wall Street erupted in cautious celebration today as the federal government shut down—finally giving investors a scapegoat

ICE to Meet You: Superman Returns to Deport Villains in Skinny Jeans and Sanctuary Cities Superman Joins ICE: Liberals Cry, Borders Strengthen In a bold act of unapologetic patriotism, SUPERMAN, once America’s

Trump's Presidential Library: A New Chapter in the Gaza Strip In a move that has left political analysts and late-night comedians scrambling for material, former President Donald Trump has announced the

Ukraine, Trump, and the Great Kellogg Mining Caper A Satirical Deep Dive Into Diplomacy, Bing Ads, and Cat Scratching Posts Once upon a time, in the chaotic kingdom of geopolitics, where world

Netanyahu & Trump Walk into a Peace Plan: A Report When "eternal peace" meets extended warranty logic and diplomatic theater Eternal Peace in Three Hours: The Toaster Warranty Approach Trump, fresh from a

Local Government Takes "Making a Splash" to a Whole New Level In a groundbreaking move that has left residents both baffled and buoyant, the mayor of Wichita Falls, Texas, has unveiled

Trump's New Import Taxes: From Drugs to Dressers — Because We Need More Price Wars at Home Mar-a-Lago, FL — Former President Donald Trump unveiled comprehensive import taxes targeting everything from pharmaceuticals

Federal Employees Furloughed, Reality TV Politics, Trump Humor WASHINGTON -- Trump declared that 800,000 furloughed federal workers were "optional personnel," suggesting they "should audition for Game of Thrones Season 9 if

Trump Demands Guardians and Commanders Revert to Glorious Names: “The Redskins Ride Again!” In a Heroic Act of Historical Restoration, Trump Defends the Brave, Bold, and Beautiful Legacy of America’s Real

Jimmy Kimmel Ratings Drop 64%: Late-Night Marxism Meets Meltdown Marx, Lenin and Mao Can't Understand the Drop In what media analysts are calling "the most dramatic late-night ratings collapse since cable discovered

Mongolia Offers Red Carpet for Putin, Threatens to Break Guinness World Record for Ignoring International Arrest Warrants The World’s Best at Ignoring War Crimes, or Just Really Into Hospitality?” In a record-breaking

Olympic Mascot Scandal: Beret-Wearing Baguette Causes Controversy Diversity, Equity, and Insensitivity: A Masterclass by Pierre Paris, France -- In a world where diversity, inclusion, and equity are the golden trio of public

UN's New Peace Plan: Distract World Leaders with a Never-Ending Scavenger Hunt! Because when diplomacy fails, it's time to play hide-and-seek. UN Headquarters in New York  -- In an unprecedented move that

BREAKING: Epstein’s Estate Releases ‘Director’s Cut’ of Global Compromise Strategy Authored by the dairy farmer who once milked a confession out of a Belgian diplomat, and the tenured professor who grades

Europe Unanimously Agrees: Let the Americans Pay for Defense While We Spend Our Budgets on More Important Stuff A Transatlantic Tradition of Freeloading A groundbreaking new study conducted by the European Bureau

California’s Fire Management Approach: Where Loggers and Fires Meet    California’s fire management strategy is like a sitcom where nobody ever wants to talk about the real problem. Let’s start with

Biden's Final Miracle: Pay HAMAS $9 Billion and Hope for Peace! Because nothing says diplomacy like a billion-dollar bribe and a gamble on Kamala. Washington, D.C. – In what may be the

There Is Nothing Claudia Sheinbaum Can Do to Stop the U.S. Military from Killing Drug Runners Claudia Sheinbaum: A Tale of Bribery, Cartels, and Presidential "Retirement Plans" Claudia Sheinbaum & Mexico’s Sovereignty

President Biden Announces Plan to Cut National Debt U.S. Treasury Embraces Crypto with New Debt NFTs Citizen Investors and Virtual Repo Men: A New Era of Fiscal Responsibility Washington, DC -- In a

BREAKING NEWS: REPORTERS ARE STUPID & CONTINUE TO REPORT THE OBVIOUS A Special Investigation Into Journalism’s Most Obvious Statements Reporters Keep Stating the Obvious, and We Have the Evidence From hurricanes being “windy”

Illegal Aliens Gone Gator: Trump’s Silent Croc Decree - Alligator Alcatraz Trump’s Florida Moat Raises Eyebrows, Lowers Immigration Counts - Alligator Alcatraz By a Sentient Human Collaboration (a tenured professor & a

Trump Touches Down at the Super Bowl The First Presidential End Zone Dance A Historic First or a Hail Mary? In a spectacle sure to rival even the most thrilling last-minute touchdown drives,

They Don’t Care About You: Dems Want 11,000,100 Illegal Migrant Workers Because They Keep Wages Low! The Ultimate Job Market Strategy: Flood It Like a Costco Free Sample Aisle By: Brie Leaks,