Fresh Start, Same Problems, Zero Guarantees New York City's New Mayor Sworn In on New Year's Day, Because Someone Has to Fix That Train Station New York City started 2026 with the

The Empirical Case of the President and His Name President Donald J. Trump's latest national pastime isn't golf, Twitter rants, or ordering Diet Cokes at 3 a.m. It's renaming America like he's redecorating

🍗 Mar-a-Lago Christmas Spectacle Turns Into Domestic Reality Show In what the Times of India called "a tense moment at Mar-a-Lago Christmas Eve dinner," Melania Trump delivered a seven-word remark to Donald Trump

Trump's America: Where Everything is Now Named After Him (Even Your Tax Return) In a country historically obsessed with the ideas of democracy, freedom, and occasionally avoiding pineapple on pizza, Donald

Can Democrats Reinvent Themselves as Washington Disrupters? Let's Watch How that Works with the Tax Refunds WASHINGTON—Democrats have apparently decided that the country needs more disruption, which, in D.C. parlance, translates to

Trump's Tax Refunds Trump Promises Historic Tax Refunds as 2026 Election Strategy Takes Shape President Donald Trump is out here promising the largest tax refund season in U.S. history (really) in 2026,

🎄 Mar-a-Lago Christmas Eve: The Seven Words That Could End Civilization Mar-a-Lago, usually a palace of gold-plated golf carts and overpriced shrimp cocktails, became a stage for human drama that rivaled

Supreme Court Temporarily Reminds President That Cities Are Not DLC Expansion Packs Federal Courts Block Military Deployment to Chicago Area The U.S. Supreme Court rejected President Trump's attempt to deploy National Guard troops in

Trump Unveils New Battleship, Promises It Will Be 'The Biggest Boat Emotionally' President Announces Revival of Battleship Class Naval Vessels President Trump announced plans for a new class of U.S. battleships, reviving

Trump Announces New "Trump Class" of Warships President Unveils Golden Fleet, Immediately Asks If Ships Can Be Seen From Space Former President Donald Trump announced Monday the construction of a new "Trump

Yanked "60 Minutes" Episode Airs in Canada Americans Learn About It Through Apologies and Awkward Silence A previously pulled episode of "60 Minutes" aired quietly in Canada this week, causing widespread confusion

The Back of the Baseball Card: Why California's Governor Needs a Reality Check on His Stats In baseball, nobody cares that Derek Jeter had magnificent hair. They cared that he had

Trump's Kennedy Center Intervention: A Masterclass in Legacy Management (Fully Enhanced Edition) The John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, once a temple of artistic solemnity, has been reborn. For

Ted Cruz's Presence at Texas A&M Football Games Now Regarded as Meteorological Event on Par With "Slight Chance of Doom" In a stunning development that has astronomers revising their measurements of

Epstein Files Released, Democrats Celebrate Legislative "Victory" That Nobody Asked For WASHINGTON — After 15 years of legislative impotence, Democrats finally scored what some are calling their greatest triumph since the

The New Trump-Kennedy Center: Finally, a Performing Arts Venue That Claps for Itself Washington finally solved the mystery of what the Kennedy Center was missing. It was confidence. Loud, glowing, self-referential confidence with

Trump's White House Ballroom: The Most Spectacular Ego Expansion in American History Lightning-Speed Demolition Leaves Secret Service Blinking Trump demolished the East Wing faster than most of us finish a drive-thru order.

Why Senators Flee Washington Like It's a Burning Cruise Ship WASHINGTON—In a rare show of honesty, three former senators—Jeff Flake, Joe Manchin, and Tina Smith—spilled the truth about why they left

Trump's $400 Million White House Ballroom: Boom or Baffling Blunder? Envision a building so lavish and oversized that it might soon demand its own ZIP code. Originally pitched as a modest

Democrats Figure They Can Use AI to Fool 51% of the People — JD Vance Wears a T-Shirt and Laughs Imagine this: Democrats huddled in smoke-filled rooms (or Zoom calls), pointing

CNN's Jake Tapper Hints He Secretly Wants Trump to Be Unhealthy, or at Least Honestly Handicapped In a stunning display of journalistic gravitas and passive-aggressive career recalibration, CNN's Jake Tapper has

Nation Discovers AI Is Now Smarter Than Voters, Immediately Puts It in Charge of Explaining Things: Free Markets, UFO Sightings, and the Historical Failures of Socialism The nation reached a rare

Leaked NYT Footage Shows Staffers Sobbing as Texas Map Turns Redder Than Whataburger Ketchup Texas election results turning a shade of red rivaling the state's iconic condiment. Security camera footage obtained by

Texas Redistricting Map Looks Suspiciously Like Buc-ee's Expansion Plan, Democrats Admit Defeat In a stunning development that surprised absolutely no one who's ever driven through Texas, the Texas GOP unveiled its

Study Shows Only Thing That Could Block Texas G.O.P.: Replacing Every Texan With Brooklyn Podcasters Scientists, political analysts, and one guy in a Buc-ee's parking lot with a doctorate in "vibes"

Federal Government Demands Ideologically Pure Robots Because Democracy In a stunning display of priorities that would make Kafka weep with envy, the United States government has decided that the most pressing

Zohran Mamdani's "Radical" Transition Team Scares People Who Never Rode the Subway New York City's newly elected Mayor Zohran Mamdani has assembled a transition team so terrifying that conservatives across America—most

Texas AG Audits Wichita Falls: City Budget Vanishes Faster Than Free Donuts By Junglepussy & Heidi Ladein Wichita Falls' Wallet Gets Audited — Lawyers Bring Flashlights, Skip the Mood Lighting In a dramatic

15 Observations on the Minnesota Fraud Saga Minnesota's fraud oversight was so bad even the watchdog wore blindfolds. The state missed red flags with the enthusiasm of a toddler ignoring

92% of Elected Officials Fail Basic Constituent Questions Institute for Civic Common Sense Reveals Political Understanding Crisis A groundbreaking study released this week by the Institute for Civic Common Sense confirms what

Texas Voters Say NYT Concern Motivates Them More Than Jesus BBQing Brisket at the Alamo A divine BBQ event fails to motivate voters like the perceived condescension of a coastal newspaper. A

Meanwhile, Nature Declares Right to Ignore Humans Nature Hits Block Button on Humanity: Find Out Who’s Getting the Silent Treatment! Ecuador's Environmental Epiphany: Nature Takes a Stand Quito, Ecuador -- In a world

Tank Warfare Polls Higher Than Disney in Middle America: When Explosions Beat Mouse Ears In a stunning revelation that nobody saw coming except everyone with functioning eyeballs, a Rasmussen Reports poll