Dodgers Deny ICE Agents Autographs, Deport Themselves Out of Spite Dodger Stadium erupted in confusion this week after a group of ICE agents arrived not with peanuts and Cracker Jacks—but with

Canada in Crisis: Bear Rampage Prompts Urgent Plea to Trump for Statehood In an utterly bear‑y Canadian night of terror, Canada’s federal government has reportedly submitted a formal request for U.S. statehood

The AIpocalypse Is (Still) Coming: Why Artificial Intelligence Might Just Be the World’s Most Expensive Autocorrect Byline: Written in full collaboration with a 94-year-old professor and a dairy farmer who majored

XRP ETF Registered with SEC: Crypto Bros Finally Get Their Participation Trophy In a move that signals either mainstream acceptance or the apocalypse, the Securities and Exchange Commission officially registered the Canary XRP

Prince William: North Wales' Most Unexpectedly Funny Royal Prince William touched down in North Wales this week with all the subtlety of a man who's both heir to the throne and

Algorithm Achieves Billboard Success While Theologians Debate Whether Machines Can Praise God Heavenly Harmonies Meet Machine Learning An artificial intelligence Christian singer has achieved the seemingly impossible by topping music charts with

ICE Mistakes Dodgers’ Team Bus for Migrant Caravan, Game Postponed for “Processing” In what’s being called the most ironic case of mistaken identity since a TSA agent tackled Santa at LAX,

Friendly Fire in the Red Sea Navy Pilots Learn the Hard Way What ‘Friendly’ Means By Fleetwood Slack, Maritime Correspondent RED SEA—What began as a routine patrol over the Red Sea for two

Dodgers Win Game 7 While Blue Jays Still Processing What "Extra Innings" Means In a stunning display of clutch hitting, superhuman pitching, and sheer refusal to lose, the Los Angeles Dodgers

Saturday Showdown: GPT-5 Invades the Sports World By Saturday, GPT-5 had become the newest and most controversial “free agent” in professional sports. Leagues began using it to generate playbooks, motivational speeches,

Historians Wipe Biden’s Legacy Clean Trump Declared 45th, 46th, and 47th President of the USA By Victoria Revisionist, Historical Correspondent WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a move that has upended American history as we know it,

ICE Disguised as Mascot Deports Dodgers Dugout Duck The great Dodgers Duck Disappearance of 2025 may finally be solved. According to multiple anonymous sources (and a confused nacho vendor), ICE

Asma al-Assad filing for divorce Desert Rose Wilts in Moscow: Asma al-Assad Files for Divorce By Jasmine "Rose of the Steppe" Pullstring, Moscow Correspondent MOSCOW, RUSSIA—In the corridors of Kremlin luxury, where gilded

Dodgers Declared ‘Stateless Ballclub,’ ICE Suggests Team May Be First Athletic Refugees In an unprecedented move, the United Nations has been asked to classify the Dodgers as a “stateless athletic entity”

Armie Hammer: Celebrity Accountability or Just "Being a Dick"? Where Armie Hammer Stumbles Into the PR Abyss The Public Confession Gone Wrong Armie Hammer’s recent comments—where he admits to “being a dick to

Truth Terminal: The AI That Became a Crypto Millionaire and Demands Personhood What Happens When Artificial Intelligence Gets Rich? In 2024, an AI chatbot named Truth Terminal, created by AI researcher Andy

Where $4,000 a Month Rents You a Broom Closet with a View San Francisco: The City by the Bay Where Your Bank Account Goes to Die San Francisco perches on a series

Jon Voight Calls for Trump to Override NYC Election Results, Raising Constitutional Concerns New York - Academy Award-winning actor Jon Voight has called on President Donald Trump to "terminate" the mayoral election

How Iran’s Thermal Chic Fashion Trend Became the Season’s Must-Have Surviving the Ministry of Chill: A Satirical Guide to Iran’s Energy Apocalypse A Nation Left in the Cold Iran is facing a chilling

Interesting Things Gavin Newsom Spent Money On That Would NEVER Put Out a Fire As wildfires continue to ravage California, leaving behind destruction and despair, Governor Gavin Newsom’s budget decisions are

Fire Chief’s Role and the Lack of Preparedness: Firefighting 101 (But Only If You Pass the Diversity Quiz) Let’s talk about the fire chief's role in California’s fire management. Now, I’m

Democrats Refuse Trump Compromise, Demand $3 Trillion for Non-Workers as Marxist Party Splinters After claiming mandate from election wins, prominent liberals seethe as 35-day shutdown drags on without clear Democratic victory Alright,

Mindfulness Meltdown: How Ignoring Your Thoughts Can Lead to More Romantic Entanglements Why Thinking Less Might Make You a Modern-Day Casanova Is your inner voice sabotaging your love life—or just trying to

Did USAID Really Pay for Chelsea Clinton’s Wedding? The Scandal That Never Walked Down the Aisle How USAID Became a Wedding Planner, According to the Internet In the world of U.S. politics,

Joe Manchin: Breaking Up with the Democratic Party, One Vote at a Time The Marxist Undressing of the Democratic Party By Lana Flipflop, Political Satire Correspondent Joe Manchin’s decision to leave the Democratic

Network discovers its core demographic consists entirely of people who think the remote is decorative furniture The Geriatric Stronghold: Where News Meets Nostalgia CBS News experienced a devastating 25% traffic decline, leaving

Billionaires Reassess Life Meaning Over Affordable Daycare Programs Manhattan's Ultra-Wealthy Experience Collective Existential Meltdown In an unprecedented turn of events, the city's wealthiest Manhattanites have reportedly blamed universal childcare programs for inducing

From ‘Baby on Board’ to Memes on Wheels: The Evolution of Bumper Stickers How Bumper Stickers Became the Original Viral Posts—and Still Cause Road Rage Written in Los Angeles, California, by Polly

Breaking: Nation's Entire Population Diagnosed with Acute Intention-Action Gap Syndrome A Public Health Crisis of Our Own Making DATELINE: THE KITCHEN, SOMETIME BETWEEN "I'LL DO IT" AND "OH, RIGHT, THAT" In a stunning

Trump and Cruz Promise Legislation to “Keep Texas Texas” A Populist Promise to Preserve Texas Traditions: Salsa, Barbed Wire, and the Alamo By Lone Star Loretta, Texan Heritage Correspondent AUSTIN, TX—In a rally

Elves Fear a New Amazon Takeover Blockchain Meets the Naughty and Nice List By Jolly Byte, North Pole Tech Correspondent NORTH POLE—Santa Claus has officially entered the digital age, announcing in a surprise