Jimmy Kimmel Declares Ongoing War on MAGA, Accidentally Invents the World's Longest Monologue 15 Humorous Observations About Jimmy Kimmel's Ongoing "Concern" With MAGA 🎤🧢 Jimmy Kimmel has reached the point where

Millennials Discover Libraries, Mistake Them for Free Co-Working Spaces with Vintage Aesthetics "It's Like WeWork But With Books Instead of Kombucha," Reports Confused 28-Year-Old Generation Rediscovers Public Services After Realizing They Don't

Why Critical Thinking is Overrated! Scientists Learn How and Why Critical Thinking is Overrated! Experts Say Thinking Critically Is Exhausting—Netflix and Gut Instincts Are Easier For years, critical thinking has been hailed as

You’ve Been Flagged: The Ultimate SSSS Boarding Pass Code Fly Now With More TSA and Less Dignity By Bohiney’s Sky-High Security Desk What Does the SSSS Code Mean? It Means You’re About to

Morning Joe’s Mar-a-Lago Pilgrimage: When “Loyal Opposition” Meets Lobster Thermidor Palm Beach, FL -- In a twist that no one—least of all their loyal MSNBC viewers—saw coming, Morning Joe hosts Joe

Hollywood Discovers Temporal Hollowing, Immediately Gives Its Temples Their Own Publicist GLP-1 Weight Loss Creates New Red-Carpet Crisis as Celebrities Discover Even Their Foreheads Are Expected to Maintain Volume LOS ANGELES Hollywood's Latest

LYRICS: Barbie Was Born in a Barn Parody by Bale Harrison & The Texas Field Hands Music and Lyrics by Alan Nafzger  Barbie Was Born in a Barn — She wasn’t raised in Malibu, no

Nation Mobilizes Against Distressed Denim BEDFORD, N.Y. —Martha Stewart dressed as a homeless person for Halloween, and America reacted as though she had personally evicted everyone in the country. The 85-year-old lifestyle

Sora: The Playground With a Fence Too High to Climb OpenAI's Sora arrived like a TikTok-flavored comet streaking across the App Store, hitting a million installs in record time. Users were

Project Freedom Lasts 14 Minutes Before White House Discovers Wars Don't Have Pause Buttons Trump Launches Historic Military Operation, Cancels It Before Coffee Gets Cold In what defense analysts are now calling "the

Congress Passes Civility Enforcement Act: New Law Requires Politicians to Say "Please" and "Thank You" By Freja Lindholm | Bohiney Magazine | October 13, 2025 Breaking: In unprecedented bipartisan move, lawmakers approve

Macron Discovers the American National Hobby Is Cleaning Up Messes While France Explains Why That's Unrealistic By our Foreign Affairs Correspondent, reporting from a safe distance with good croissants Emmanuel Macron spent

Prophet Muhammad Personally Welcomes Ayatollah Khamenei to Hell's Grand Tour BREAKING: Exclusive Report from the Afterlife Dateline: The Fiery Pits, Eternal Realm — March 8, 2026 In a stunning development that has sent

Government Cracks Down on Fraud, Companies Respond by Renaming Fraud "Process Optimization" By the Bohiney.com Linguistic Innovation and Regulatory Evasion Desk The Nomenclature of Not Getting Caught There is a well-established corporate tradition,

California GOP Discovers Heath Flora Was a Democrat With Two Girlfriends and a Republican Name Tag Family-values leadership enters its experimental, taxpayer-adjacent phase SACRAMENTO, California — California Assembly Republicans removed Heath Flora

Trump's Name Removed From Kennedy Center, Building Immediately Loses 73% Of Cable News Coverage WASHINGTON — In what historians are already calling the fastest collapse of relevance since a souffle meets

NFL’s End Zone Messaging Switch: From ‘End Racism’ to ‘Choose Love’ – Because Tackling Issues is Harder Than a 4th-and-Long Super Bowl Sunday: Where the Slogans Are as Fluid as the

Pet Micro-Influencers With Drama: The Surprisingly Messy World of Small-Time Animal Fame When Your Cat Has 10K Followers and Enemies The Petty Drama of Pet Accounts With Modest Followings While mega pet influencers

Haley Stevens Endorses Mike Rogers; Party Demands Unity DETROIT, Michigan — Michigan Democrats spent the autumn warning voters that Donald Trump and the Republican Party threatened their Senate ambitions. Then former

Senate Ends Shutdown Again, Proves Groundhog Has More Predictable Schedule Than Congress Washington, D.C.—In a stunning sequel nobody asked for, the Senate once again voted to end the government shutdown, courageously passing the same

Man Under Investigation for Allegedly Taking Advantage of Young Women Who Seeking Careers in Satire "He Told Me My Punchline Had Potential… and Then Asked If I Had a Headshot," Says

Montana Senate Candidate Promises to Solve War by Drafting Lindsey Graham Directly to It Somewhere deep in the philosophical wide-open plains of Montana — where the wind whispers things like "limited

15 Observations on the Minnesota Fraud Saga Minnesota's fraud oversight was so bad even the watchdog wore blindfolds. The state missed red flags with the enthusiasm of a toddler ignoring

Noise Artist Danny Tantrum’s Onstage Antics Push Boundaries (and Health Codes) Danny Tantrum: A Performance to Digest By Harmony Discord, Avant-Garde Culture Correspondent AUSTIN, TEXAS—Danny Tantrum, the noise artist known for transforming chaotic

White House Cage Fight Almost Upstaged By Amateur League Of Political Supervillains Man Allegedly Plots Attack On UFC Event, Discovers White House Already Full Of People Trained To Fight Back WASHINGTON, D.C. —

Why Women Take an Hour to Decide What Shoes to Wear: The Footwear Dilemma The Hour-Long Shoe Debate Men: choose sneakers, loafers, or boots. Women? Deciding what shoes to wear is a

Billionaire's Daughter Commits Unforgivable Musical Offense: People Like Her Song Internet Investigators Discover Singer Had Money, a Marketing Team and a Disturbingly Functional Career Plan America's volunteer music detectives announced this week

Marriage Downgraded to Subscription Model After Husband Discovers Wife Also Uses Money In a development economists are calling "predictable but hilarious," a married couple has entered what experts describe as the

Rubens Restoration: The Herculean Task of Fixing a 400-Year-Old Masterpiece The Virgin and Child Enthroned Adored by Eight Saints Baroque, Biceps, and Back Pain: Restoring Rubens One Brushstroke at a Time ANTWERP—Deep inside

Jerry Jones Discovers There Is No Situation Too Complicated To Become A Dallas Cowboys Opportunity Cowboys Owner Reportedly Reviews NCAA Investigations The Way Other People Browse Restaurant Menus DALLAS, TEXAS — Dallas Cowboys

Ah yes. The diplomatic napalm of modern politics: "Respectfully, f--- off." 🔥🎩 It is the linguistic equivalent of putting on white gloves before slapping someone with a frozen trout. Let's unpack this marvel

The Complete and Ever-Expanding DSA Cancellation Index: Everything They’ve Already Killed and Everything Standing Trial America’s most ambitious abolition committee has eliminated the Senate, the Electoral College and the traditional workweek,

Anthropic Says Claude Became Evil After Reading the Internet, Which Honestly Explains Reddit Too Silicon Valley Horrified To Learn Internet Contains Humanity Five humorous observations immediately emerged from the AI industry after