Red Ivy Rising: Harvard Declares Emergency as Trump Attacks Its Precious Marxism CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS – In what historians are already calling “The Battle of the Crimson Manifesto,” Harvard University has filed

“Lolita” Book Club, Poetry Donations, and Summers’ Social Poise: Epstein’s Email Scrapbook Exposes Curious Ties Elisa New, Summers’ wife... In a week that’s delivered more Epstein bombshells than a disastrous surprise birthday

New Study Finds People Who Read More News Are Less Informed: Media Consumption Research Groundbreaking Media Studies: Information Overload vs News Literacy Research CAMBRIDGE, MA — A comprehensive study by the Institute

Charter School Chain to Expand in Miami — Because Privatized Education Wasn't Chaotic Enough The Commercialization of Childhood Learning Miami's newest charter school chain, "EduVana," promises "personalized learning" and "corporate synergy" —

The Higher Education Olympics in Paris: An Academic Circus The Administrator’s Obstacle Course and Adjunct Agony: Surviving the Higher Ed Gauntlet The Opening Ceremony: A Parade of Prestigious Egos Ah, Paris! The city

My daughter Becky-Sue Freedom-Pie Magsen has been dreaming of Harvard since she learned how to spell “Constitution” in cursive. She’s got a 3.7 GPA, a varsity rifle team letter, and

Experts Warn That Reading Books May Lead to Independent Thinking A Shocking Discovery Shakes Educational Institutions In a startling announcement that sent shockwaves through the education sector, leading experts today warned that

Teens Are Outsmarting Teachers with ChatGPT, and Honestly, It’s Hilarious The Ultimate Homework Hack: AI to the Rescue Teens have officially found a way to do schoolwork without actually doing schoolwork. Enter

Ostapenko Declares Taylor Townsend “Uneducated and Ghetto”—Tennis World Agrees, Starts New Curriculum: Trash Talk 101 "There aren't schools in Chicago where I grew up."  By Savannah Steele, Bohiney Magazine A Net-Cord Heard Around

Harvard’s $50 Billion Panic Attack: When Billionaires Beg for Subsidies CAMBRIDGE, MASS. — In a heart-wrenching twist, America’s wealthiest university—the one with a personal piggy bank the size of Portugal’s GDP—is

What Does a Gay Club in a Texas High School Even Do? A Deeply Investigative Satirical Look at Rainbow Chaos in the Cafeteria Austin, TX — With tempers flaring at the Texas

Doge Exposes the Zizian Cult's School Takeover: How Tofu, Pronouns, and Tactical Gear Found Their Way Into Classrooms Joe Biden Funding Controversy: The “Zizian Way” Foundation’s Bold Experiment Deep in the labyrinth

Congress Votes to Ban the Phrase "Lessons from the Past" Pending Further Review Bipartisan Historical Amnesia Restoration Act passes 312-123, replaces learning with "vibes from yesterday" By Bohiney Magazine Staff | October 27,

Toxic Relationships A National Epidemic of Emotional Gymnastics and the Fall of Love Los Angeles, California — Where even the love is filtered through Instagram Love. Romance. Fairy tales. All words that are

Left Wing America's Martyr Complex: We Protest First, Investigate Later Cultural Commentary | The Rush to Defend Before the Facts Arrive The moment ICE arrested Ian Roberts, progressive activists deployed their most

Reading and Running Merge in Unprecedented Fitness Initiative Running With the Classics In an unprecedented fusion of fitness and literature, Downtown Public Library unveiled Book Treadmills, a concept allowing patrons to read

Prince George Isn’t Completely “Comfortable” With One of the More Overwhelming Aspects of Royal Life The Struggles of a 10-Year-Old Monarch in Training LONDON—Reports have surfaced that Prince George, the eldest son

TikTok University: Where Your Kid Learns Sex Ed From a Dancing Avocado An Exposé from Bohiney.com — The Only News Site Certified 127% Funnier Than The Onion Welcome to the Gen Z

Parents, Pitchforks, and the Public School Plot to Make First Graders "Fabulous" By the Women at Bohiney.com – Satire That Smells Like Freedom and Banned Books In a stunning reversal of educational

College Presidents Voluntarily Cut Their Salaries in Solidarity With Students By Ingrid Johansson | Bohiney.com In a move that shocked absolutely no one while simultaneously breaking the internet with its breathtaking audacity,

Texas vs. Arkansas: The Rivalry Nobody Remembers (Except Arkansas) When Razorbacks Remember, Longhorns Forget If you ask a Longhorn fan about their rivalry with Arkansas, prepare for a polite squint and a hesitant, "Uh...

Department of Education Discovers What Education Actually Is After 45 Years — Teachers Demand Explanation Federal Agency Realizes Learning Involves More Than Standardized Test Administration and Bureaucratic Paperwork WASHINGTON — The U.S.

Students earn credits for spiraling into anxiety with academic precision. According to Bohiney News reporters, Harvard University has announced a groundbreaking new major: **Overthinking Studies**, the first accredited program where students

Nationwide Study Finds Students Think Abraham Lincoln Was in the Avengers 71% of American teens identify the 16th President as "the tall guy with the axe who fought aliens" By Bohiney Magazine

Trump’s Bold Plan to Make the Western Great Again Cowboys, Directors, and Resurrected Legends Ride Again Taylor Sheridan’s Influence Outpaces Elon Musk Reviving the Western Spirit In a move that left both Hollywood and

When Every Statement Is Literally the Death of Language People Who Say Literally Too Much: the Linguistic Assault on Meaning The Word That Lost Its Meaning Through Overuse The word "literally" has been

Librarian Declares War on Democracy Over Banned Books Week Local Library Worker Seizes Animal Farm, Protests "Tyranny of Voters" In the small town of Greensborough—a place otherwise famous for its Annual Cornhusk

America's Literary Elite Announce 15 Literary Masterpieces Every American Must Read (According to Ivy League Book Committees) The Nation's Cultural Gatekeepers Have Spoken: These Books Will Make You Intellectually Superior (Results

Texas Declares Independence From Math: "Algebra Is a Liberal Plot," Says Governor State Board of Education Votes 15-0 to Replace Numbers With "Good Ol' Texas Common Sense" In a groundbreaking move that

Barron Trump: America’s Most Normal Guy (No, Really) Barron Trump Wears Jeans 85% of the Time By Annika Steinmann A Normal Teen in Designer Denim America has been waiting decades for a Trump who

Historians Wipe Biden’s Legacy Clean Trump Declared 45th, 46th, and 47th President of the USA By Victoria Revisionist, Historical Correspondent WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a move that has upended American history as we know it,

Sleep Innovation Promises Academic Improvement Without Evidence Restful Revolution In a move hailed as progressive yet suspiciously convenient, Maple Ridge High School installed nap pods in the student lounge, promising enhanced focus,

Rubens Restoration: The Herculean Task of Fixing a 400-Year-Old Masterpiece The Virgin and Child Enthroned Adored by Eight Saints Baroque, Biceps, and Back Pain: Restoring Rubens One Brushstroke at a Time ANTWERP—Deep inside