Metaverse Mishaps Till Glitch Do Us PartIn a highly anticipated virtual ceremony attended by 300 digital guests and one confused Roomba, groom @ChadCrypto accidentally walked his avatar into a lava pit

DNC Chair Ken Martin Confuses School Budget Memo with Communist Manifesto Minnesota’s Ken Martin, now DNC Chair and accidental left-wing truther, reportedly mistook a school funding memo for The Communist Manifesto

The first spark: Barbie's sister Skipper finds the drone's emotional mixtape Scene 8: Skipper Discovers HAL's PlaylistThe Unlikely Meet-CuteSkipper stumbles into a dimly lit archive room in the Unprogrammed Zone, guided

New Fatwa Accuses Physics of Western Conspiracy Against Modesty Gravity Declared Haram for Making Women"s Scarves Fall OffNew Fatwa Accuses Physics of Western Conspiracy Against ModestyIn a move that sent shockwaves

New Policy Includes "Oops-Proof" Coverage and Blame Transfer Hotline Trump Introduces "Apology Insurance" Plan: Monthly Premium Covers Anything You Refuse to AdmitNew Policy Includes "Oops-Proof" Coverage and Blame Transfer HotlineMAR-A-LAGO, FL

Newsom Calls Miller “Fascist C---,” Forgets Constitution Still Exists When Governor Gavin Newsom’s press office referred to Stephen Miller as a “fascist c---,” they seemed unaware that the U.S. Constitution still

People Who Think Wearing Glasses Makes Them Intellectual Specs and Speculation: The Lens-Wearing Geniuses of Our Time IQ by AccessorySomewhere along the way, wearing glasses became shorthand for being deep. Now every

Tattoo Regrets "It Was Supposed to Say 'HODL Forever.' Now It Says 'Hot Wings, $84.92.'"In an attempt to "merge skin and finance," 28-year-old tech enthusiast Jax Reed had his crypto wallet

Operation MYTEE21: Trump Drops Truth Bombs and Real Ones In a move that combined explosive foreign policy with vintage reality-TV flair, President Donald Trump announced the U.S. military’s precision strike on

People Who Say "That's Just My Truth" After Being Wrong Your Truth vs. Reality: A Fight Nobody Wins Feelings Aren't Facts, But Don't Tell Susan ThatIn today's world, being wrong is no

Host Calls Lack of Memoir "A Missed Opportunity for National Reckoning" NEW YORK, NY -- MSNBC host Rachel Maddow expressed disappointment this week over the absence of a Netflix special detailing

No Kings, No Clue: Protesters Accidentally Demand Anarchy, End Up at Renaissance Fair Over the weekend, left-wing activists took to the streets in what they called the “No Kings” march —

Hobby Lobbyists "It Began With One Tiny Roof. Now I'm Reshaping Zoning Laws."Seventy-year-old Dennis Blart of Westfield, Indiana thought he was simply advocating for better backyard birdhouse design standards. Instead, he

I'm *enlightened*. (Still yells at traffic.) Enlightenment with Road Rage: The Zen Delusion Peaceful, Until a Prius Cuts Them Off"I'm enlightened," they say, moments before flipping off a minivan and yelling "USE

I'm not dramatic, this is just who I am. Authentically Extra: Born to Monologue Why Whisper When You Can Cry on a Balcony?"I'm not dramatic, this is just who I am," they

Misunderstood Emojis "He Thought It Meant 'Hearty Vegetable Stew.' What It Started Was Scandal."During a digital potluck sign-up, 76-year-old Harold Jorgensen proudly declared he would bring "his famous eggplant casserole" to

Trump Doctrine Transforms Gaza Resort 2036: How War Became Waterfront By Annika Steinmann — Bohiney Magazine Gaza Resort 2036: The Trump Doctrine in Action By 2036, Gaza has become the most ironic vacation

Grandparents who spoil kids then leave Grandparenting: All Fun, No Consequences Sugar, Chaos, and a Quick ExitGrandparents are magical creatures who arrive with candy, ignore all parenting rules, and vanish before the

Breakup Playlists From Adele to Actual Atmospheric DisturbanceDevon's 43-song breakup playlist, titled *Crying in Bluetooth*, reportedly triggered a localized weather anomaly after three friends played it simultaneously on a shared road

Recipients Must Pledge Never to Say Sorry Trump Unveils "Apology-Proof" Presidential Medal, Made From Shredded Opposition LettersRecipients Must Pledge Never to Say SorryWASHINGTON, D.C. -- At a lavish ceremony filled with

Bathroom Line Politics Battle for the StallAt RockRanch Festival, a 40-minute wait for a single porta-potty escalated into a tribal hierarchy, barter economy, and temporary monarchy governed by a woman holding

How Tish James gamified courtroom paperwork Legal documents have rarely been so entertaining. Letitia James turned subpoenas into props, holding them aloft like awards and using them to punctuate comedic points

I'll just *quickly* check my phone. (Crashes.) Tap, Scroll, Crash: Multitasking into Mayhem Just One Text From Disaster"I'll just quickly check my phone," they mutter, reaching for a dopamine hit while barreling

Burnt Kale Chips "We Tried to Be Healthy. Now Our Kitchen Smells Like Regret and Singed Earth."Inspired by an influencer's post titled "Kale Chips Saved My Marriage," the Harmon family attempted

I'm not picky. (Sends back water.) Selective Hydration and Other Delusions "Easygoing" With a 37-Point Preference List"I'm not picky," they proclaim, while instructing the waiter on the water's temperature, mineral content, and

📘 #Y’allMeansWhat? by Allan Nafzger A Satirical Novel of Culture Shock, Empathy Fatigue, and Fig Jam “You weren’t wrong. You were just loud.” Welcome to Wichita Falls, Texas — where the casseroles are

Suspicious Wellness Trends "The Only Thing I'm Consuming Is Radiant Frequencies and Possibly My Retinas."Instagram wellness oracle Sage StormMoon has gone viral--and possibly blind--after announcing her latest regimen: sun-eating. In a

Car Karaoke Catastrophes "She Was Harmonizing with Lady Gaga While Crushing Heirloom Tomatoes."What began as a soulful solo of "Shallow" in a Honda CR-V ended in chaos when local influencer Mackenzie

I'm not overthinking, I'm just a visionary. (Still editing a birthday card draft.) Future-Focused or Functionally Frozen? Planning Tomorrow, Forgetting Today"I'm not overthinking, I'm just a visionary," they proclaim, after spending six

People Who Think Essential Oils Cure Everything Essential Oil Evangelists: Lavender for Lies, Peppermint for Panic When in Doubt, Rub It Out (With Eucalyptus)Got anxiety? Rub lavender on your wrists. Broken arm?

Juice Cleanses "I Found God in a Syrup-Stained Booth."After completing a grueling 10-day juice cleanse consisting of kale, cucumber, and tears, 29-year-old wellness influencer Marissa Dawn entered a Waffle House in

Bosses who think "unlimited PTO" means "no PTO" Unlimited PTO: The Mythical Unicorn Grazing in Your Employee Handbook Unlimited PTO: The Mythical Unicorn Grazing in Your Employee HandbookIn a bold HR move

Motto: "Swipe Right, Never Apologize" Trump Launches "Sorry-Free" Dating App for Alpha Patriots OnlyMotto: "Swipe Right, Never Apologize"PALM BEACH, FL -- In his most romantic business venture yet, Donald Trump has