Tech Giants Declare They Only Want to Help You, Sincerely: Silicon Valley's Data Privacy Revolution Big Tech Companies Promise Genuine User Protection Over Profit Margins PALO ALTO, CA — In an unprecedented

​The Seussian AI Revolution: When ChatGPT Goes Full-On Dr. Seuss By Ima G. Nuisance, Satirical Tech Correspondent A Whimsical Upgrade In a bold move that has left linguists, technologists, and children’s librarians scratching

I'm Closer to Podcasters Than My Friends! From Parasocial to Personal: The Day I Realized I See My Podcasters More Than My Parents By: A Human Person, Definitely Not a Podcast AI Dateline:

BEAD It, America: $42 Billion Later, the Internet Still Won’t Load By The Staff at Bohiney Magazine — Certified 127% Funnier Than The Onion There’s a government program so bold, so ambitious,

Rolling Stone's Parent Sues Google: 'We Wrote It First, Don't Over-Summarize Our Failures' By Waverly Faith | Bohiney Magazine Rolling Stone's parent company, Penske Media, filed a lawsuit against Google this week

SpaceX Launch Delayed After Kessler Effect Turns Orbit Into Celestial Demolition Derby By Annika Steinmann — Bohiney Magazine (certified 127% funnier than that other one) Dateline: Cape Canaveral, Where the Countdown Now

Musk Declares Orbit a Private Property, ISS Staff Confused and Cranky GALACTIC ANNEXATION: ELON CLAIMS EARTH'S ORBIT, EARNS SIDE-EYE FROM SPACE In a move described by international leaders as “bold,” “legally impossible,”

Vast Commercial Space Station Haven-1: First Private Space Hotel Opens 2026 California startup Vast Space announced Haven-1, the first commercial space station, launching in 2026. The private space station will accommodate

AstroForge’s Lost Asteroid Mining Mission: The Most Expensive Game of Hide-and-Seek in History A Bold New Frontier in Losing Things AstroForge, the ambitious startup that promised to mine asteroids for precious metals,

NASA Begins Building Interstellar Spaceship The 400-Year Layover: Humanity Books a One-Way Cruise to Cosmic Nowhere By Annika Steinmann Welcome Aboard the Interstellar Hamster Wheel Some people book cruises to Alaska, others book flights

Local cryptocurrency enthusiast's comprehensive explanation leaves everyone more confused than before Local crypto enthusiast Derek Chainsworth finally sat down to explain blockchain technology to his family during Thanksgiving dinner, resulting in

Congressional AI Debate Team Embarrasses Human Lawmakers in First Match Artificial Intelligence Bots Achieve Bipartisan Agreement in Under Three Minutes, Setting Unprecedented Record WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what political analysts are calling

AI Programs Sue Humans for Blame Over Typos and Bad Tweets Robots demand legal recognition after being scapegoated for corporate communication failures By Junglepussy & Heidi Ladein AI Files Class-Action Lawsuit in Virtual

Mark Zuckerberg’s Libertarian Awakening: The Billionaire Breakup No One Saw Coming Meta, Misinformation, and Mark’s Midlife Crisis Silicon Valley's Golden Boy Just Went Rogue—And the Left Can’t Handle It Byline: Chip "Algorithmic Outlaw"

How Musk’s Gaming Addiction Led to the Self-Driving Car Tesla’s Self-Driving Car: Elon Musk’s Ultimate Gaming Chair Elon Musk has spent years convincing the world that Tesla’s self-driving technology is about safety,

Tesla’s Optimus Robot Reportedly Melts Down Over Popcorn: A Bold Leap Toward Robotic Uselessness By Staff Writers at the Global Bureau of Half-Baked Engineering TriumphsCertified 127% more informative than The Onion

New Social Media Platform Guarantees to Ruin Your Life 10x Faster Than Twitter—Sign Up Now! "Why waste time on Twitter when you can accelerate your downfall with this new app?" Move over,

Meta’s New Content Policy: Where Free Expression Meets Absolute Absurdity Mark Zuckerberg’s New Policy Allows Users to Call LGBTQ+ People Mentally Ill Menlo Park, CA – In a move that has left

The Rise of Musk, Trump, and Big Balls: Government Efficiency or Ultimate Chaos? How a Billionaire, a President, and a Kid with a Laptop Shook Up Washington   In the pantheon of strange

Grandma Goes Viral After Mistaking Smart Speaker for Disobedient Toaster By Clarisse Fontaine, Senior Appliance Affairs Correspondent TOLEDO, OH — The internet has discovered a new folk hero of breakfast. Mildred “Millie”

UAE Crypto Firm Admits to Wash Trading on Uniswap Following FBI Sting Operation Crypto Crime Just Got Rinsed and Repeated Blockchain Bros Learn That “Decentralized” Doesn’t Mean “Uncatchable” By Ethel Ledger, Financial Crimes

AI Creates the Perfect Face, Humanity Files Complaint By Annika Steinmann — Bohiney Magazine The Birth of a Digital Venus In a sterile lab in Kent, England — sandwiched between a fish-and-chips shop

💻 TEARS IN THE SERVER ROOM: AI Deletes Production Branch, Developers Break Into Existential Sobfest SAN FRANCISCO, June 2, 2025 — Chaos erupted at tech firm ByteCanyon this morning after their

Driverless Trains: The New Stars of Southern California Traffic Jams You thought Teslas alone were going to take over the roads? Think again. Parallel Systems, a Los Angeles startup with the kind

Pope Leo XIV Declares Elon Musk Becoming Trillionaire a "Sign of the End Times, or at Least the End of Tipping at Restaurants" Vatican issues cosmic warning while Wall Street issues

BREAKING: Libraries Now Hiring Exorcists to Banish Ghost Books That Only Exist in AI's Fever Dreams Nation's Librarians Report Epidemic of Phantom Literature Requests from Delusional Tech Addicts In what experts are

ALTERNATIVE SEARCH ENGINES: WHERE THE INTERNET GOES TO GET LOST ON PURPOSE The Satirical Truth Behind the Search for Search The Wild World of Search Beyond Google Once upon a time, a digital

Trump Pardons Billionaire Insider Trader — 'Because Everyone Needs a Sugar Daddy' Former President Trump has issued a pardon for billionaire hedge fund manager Marcus Wellington, who was serving a seven-year

Welcome to the Echo Chamber: Navigating the Vortex of Internet Uniformity In the sprawling digital landscape of the internet, where diversity of thought should flourish, we find ourselves in a paradoxical

SEO Is Dead, Long Live SEO: Rockstar Declares Flatline as Gurus Hold Prayer Circle Around Google’s Corpse After years of pretending keyword density mattered more than common sense, the industry mourns

Silicon Valley CEO briefly cares about humanity after plant medicine ceremony, returns to normal sociopathy within 72 hours Tech billionaire Marcus Thornton experienced a profound spiritual awakening during an exclusive ayahuasca

AI Speech Recognition: When Your Virtual Assistant Needs a Hearing Aid The Robots Are Listening… Poorly By Glitch McAfee, AI Ethics & Tech Satirist, bohiney.com If you’ve ever had an argument with your

Tilly Norwood: The AI Actress Who Never Ages (Unless You Update Her) By Darla Freedom-Pie Magsen Hollywood, CA — The entertainment industry has officially entered its uncanny valley era. In September 2025,