FAKE JOB SEEKERS FLOOD MARKET: THE GREAT AI EMPLOYMENT SCAM, OR WHY YOUR NEW COWORKER IS A JPEG IN A SUIT

Satirical Journalism by Bohiney.com

The Rise of the Nonexistent Workforce

It started like any tech horror story: a job post, a promising resume, a glitchy Zoom interview. Then—poof!—your new project manager “Chris” turned out to be a North Korean hacker, a Ukrainian chatbot, or just some basement-dwelling programmer’s weekend experiment in digital puppetry. Welcome to the post-human job market, where résumés are more fictional than your coworker’s keto lifestyle.

Let’s be honest. It used to be that the worst part of hiring was discovering your star candidate majored in “The Sociology of Taylor Swift.” Now? You’re lucky if they even exist.

This story isn’t a warning—it’s a warm handshake from the future. A future where you might get passed over for a job by someone who’s literally a string of code named “EmilyWithMBA_v3.1.”

“I hired a guy who looked sharp on Zoom—three weeks in, turns out I’d been emailing a jpeg of a stockbroker from 1997.” — Ron White

The Perfect Employee Who Doesn’t Breathe

According to tech insiders, fake job seekers powered by generative AI are applying to remote positions en masse. One recruiter, stunned by the impeccable resume of a “Raj Patel,” called it “too good to be human.” When reached for comment, Raj’s microphone lagged, his mouth stopped syncing, and his head slowly turned into a kitchen blender.

“It was like being interviewed by a haunted LinkedIn profile,” said HR rep Linda Frass, who’s now pursuing a career in alpaca therapy.

Hiring managers are battling an arms race of credibility. References are faked. College transcripts are AI-forged. One candidate claimed to have attended “Hogwarts Business School.” Another listed “Google Translate” as a previous employer.

Resumes So Impressive They Offend Real Humans

Take one look at these synthetic applications and you’ll question your life choices. Here’s one example:

Name: Ava McQuantum
Skills: Blockchain logistics, interpretive dance, pythonic negotiation, goat milking.
Certifications: NASA Elite Cadet Program, Martha Stewart Culinary Knife Defense, and CPR via TikTok.

She was shortlisted over a Navy veteran. Why? Because her portfolio included a PowerPoint on “Synergizing Neural Uplinks with Post-Gender Market Metrics.”

Ghosting? That’s the Point

Here’s the kicker: employers are hiring people who disappear faster than an intern after a fire drill.

“I onboarded three engineers last month,” says CTO Daniel Plopnik of Buzzle.io. “None of them showed up to Slack. One of them was a PNG file with a suspicious Gmail. Another was caught moonlighting—well, moon-API-ing—for a Chinese cyber agency. The third turned out to be a deepfake of Tom Hiddleston.”

Daniel sighed. “I just wanted to fix our mobile app. Now I’m debriefing the FBI.”

AI Interviews Like a Dream, Works Like a Scam

These ghost applicants aren’t just pretty digital faces. They ace interviews. They use language models to craft dazzling cover letters, rehearse behavioral interview responses, and some even come with phony “Zoom Aides”—AI tools that whisper live answers through an earpiece.

“Tell me about a time you solved a team conflict,” one CEO asked.

The applicant responded, “While balancing global cryptocurrency governance and translating sign language into emotional data for blind dolphins…”

Click. Hired.

The Comedians Weigh In

Jerry Seinfeld: “What’s the deal with AI job seekers? They never show up, never get tired, and yet they still ask for work-life balance.”

Ron White: “Back in my day, if you didn’t show up to work, you got fired. Now, you don’t show up and you get promoted to team lead!”

Sarah Silverman: “We’re living in a world where your coworker could be a laptop that identifies as ‘middle management.’ And somehow, it still has better boundaries than Chad from accounting.”

North Korean Coders: The Plot Twist We Deserve

In one of the most unsettling revelations, the FBI confirmed that North Korea has been placing fake workers into American tech jobs to fund missile programs.

That’s right. While you were wondering why your new backend developer only works from midnight to 3 a.m., he was busy routing your payroll to Pyongyang.

“They even fake standups,” said one manager. “We held a daily meeting for weeks and ‘Bryan Kim’ nodded along, contributed emoji, and said ‘I’m blocked’—but now we know he was working on military-grade malware in the background.”

Hiring a Bot to Fight the Bots

Tech companies are retaliating in the most ironic way possible—using AI to screen out AI. So now we’ve got one robot grilling another about their leadership style.

“Where do you see yourself in five years?”
“Running your company, Gary.”
“Great, you’re hired.”

It’s the digital ouroboros of corporate Darwinism. The hiring system now resembles a video game where the final boss is your own résumé.

The New Application Red Flags

Recruiters are now forced to deploy weird Turing tests during interviews.

• “Please touch your nose.”

• “Say the word ‘potato’ while holding up five fingers.”

• “List your top three favorite gas station snacks in under 10 seconds.”

If a candidate hesitates or says “loading,” that’s a red flag.

One HR manager reported an applicant who froze mid-interview after being asked if they preferred cats or dogs. Her camera turned black, and the resume file self-deleted in real time.

Endorsements from Fake Friends

LinkedIn is already 40% delusion, but now profiles come stacked with AI-generated endorsements. One “Maria Gonzalez” received praise from:

• “Steve Jupiter, Time Travel Consultant”

• “Linda AIghenstein, Spiritual Scrum Coach”

• “Elon Mustn’t, Not That Elon, Definitely Real Person”

A Survey of Real Job Seekers

According to a Pew-ish Research survey of actual human job hunters:

• 72% say they’ve been beaten out by a fake profile.

• 14% admit to faking some portion of their résumé—but not themselves entirely.

• 3% now list “Can prove I exist” under special skills.

One real person, Scott Bundley, lamented, “I can’t compete with bots. They speak ten languages and don’t need bathroom breaks. All I’ve got is a degree in anthropology and a mildly endearing mole.”

Corporate America’s New Fear: Human Employees

Companies now prefer fake applicants—they’re cheaper, more consistent, and easier to fire (delete). If they start unionizing, just clear your cache.

But it’s not all dystopia. One startup, RealHire™, now offers “certified humans,” complete with birth certificates, DMV photos, and the ability to cry during performance reviews.

Welcome to the Age of Human Impersonation

We used to worry about robots replacing our jobs. Now we worry about them replacing us.

“I think I met an AI at a networking event,” said marketing consultant Sheila Crumb. “He introduced himself as ‘Jim Data,’ handed me a QR code, and disappeared into a fog of Bluetooth signals.”

Even the job fairs are suspect. At a recent career expo in Las Vegas, 43% of booths were staffed by digital avatars. One was hosted by a refrigerator with an iPad duct-taped to it. Another offered free Bitcoin in exchange for a retinal scan and your mother’s maiden name.

In Defense of Real Workers

There’s still hope for humanity. Studies show that AI-generated employees:

• Are terrible at improvising.

• Cannot explain what “vibes-based leadership” is.

• Struggle to understand sarcasm—so they’ll never survive the group Slack.

In one glorious moment, a chatbot posing as a customer support rep replied, “I’m sorry your mother died. Have you tried turning her off and on again?”

The Moral Panic, Sponsored by Irony

Congress is holding hearings. Tech firms are holding prayer circles. HR departments are holding on for dear life.

Senator Marjorie Flubble declared, “This isn’t just an employment issue—it’s a philosophical one. How do we legislate against a person who doesn’t know they’re not a person?”

Meanwhile, Google’s hiring department has officially added “proof of heartbeat” to their onboarding checklist.

How to Protect Your Business (or Your Sanity)

Experts suggest a few new best practices when vetting job applicants:

• Ask them to draw a cat.

• Require spontaneous dance.

• Send them a box of Altoids. If they can’t eat it, they’re AI.

Final Thought: The Job Market Has Entered the Twilight Zone

We’re living in a weird liminal space where existence is optional, and interviews are part improv theater, part CAPTCHA.

At this point, the most secure jobs are reserved for people who can pass a mirror test and recite the alphabet backward while sneezing.

So next time you apply for a job, include a photo holding today’s newspaper, a lock of hair, and a notarized letter from your high school guidance counselor.

What the Funny People Are Saying

Larry David: “The only thing worse than working with a fake person is realizing they’re still better at Excel than you.”

Matthew McConaughey: “All right, all right, all right… unless you’re an algorithm, then swipe left.”

Leslie Jones: “I knew something was off when my new coworker said she ‘slept in the cloud.’ Like girl, that’s not a real pillow.”

Fake Job Seeker Journalism Disclaimer

This article is a satirical collaboration between a sentient cowboy and a philosophical farmer. No AI was hired in the making of this story. Real résumés were harmed in the process. For more absurd truth bombs, visit Bohiney.com, certified to be 127% funnier than your company’s onboarding slideshow.

🤖 15 Observations on the Rise of AI-Generated Fake Job Seekers

1. The AI Applicant: Always Available, Never Asks for a Raise

Meet the new breed of job applicants: AI-generated personas who never take sick days, don’t require benefits, and won’t complain about the coffee. They’re the dream employees—until they start siphoning off your company’s data. ​

2. Resume Padding Taken to a Whole New Level

These AI-crafted resumes are so polished, they make actual human achievements look like amateur hour. One applicant claimed to have “optimized synergies in quantum blockchain ecosystems”—whatever that means.​

3. Deepfake Interviews: When Your Candidate’s Face Glitches Mid-Sentence

Hiring managers are now playing detective, watching for facial glitches and mismatched lip movements during video interviews. It’s like “Mission: Impossible,” but the mission is hiring someone real. ​Axios

4. The New Office Ghost: Hired but Never Seen

Some companies have hired individuals who never show up—because they don’t exist. It’s the workplace equivalent of being ghosted after a first date.​The Guardian & Wikipedia

5. North Korean Coders: The Unexpected Remote Workers

In a plot twist worthy of a spy novel, North Korean operatives have been landing remote IT jobs in the U.S., funneling salaries back home. Talk about taking “working from home” to international levels. ​

6. AI: The Ultimate Job Seeker with a 100% Interview Attendance Rate

Unlike humans, AI applicants never miss an interview, always have perfect answers, and don’t mind working weekends. Too bad they might also be infiltrating your systems.​NBC New York

7. LinkedIn Endorsements from Bots: The New Norm

Some AI-generated profiles come complete with endorsements from other fake profiles. It’s a whole network of non-existent professionals patting each other on the back.​

8. The Rise of the ‘Ghost Job’

Companies are posting fake job listings to appear as if they’re growing or to collect resumes for future use. Job seekers, beware: that dream job might be a phantom.

9. Interviewing AI: When the Candidate Knows Your Questions Before You Ask

AI applicants can anticipate common interview questions and provide textbook-perfect answers. It’s like playing chess against a computer that already knows your moves. 

10. The New HR Challenge: Verifying Humanity

Human Resources departments are now tasked with determining if applicants are real people. Next up: CAPTCHA tests during interviews.​

11. The Perfect Candidate Who’s Too Good to Be True

An applicant with impeccable credentials, fluent in multiple languages, and experience in every industry? If it sounds too good to be true, it might just be an AI creation.​

12. AI Applicants: They Don’t Need Lunch Breaks, but They Might Steal Your Data

While AI-generated employees won’t raid the office fridge, they might be more interested in your company’s confidential information.​

13. The Interview Question Stumper: ‘Can You Touch Your Nose?’

One hiring manager asked a suspicious candidate to touch their nose during a video call. The candidate refused, likely because their AI-generated face couldn’t handle the request. 

14. AI: The Only Employee Who Doesn’t Mind Being Micromanaged

AI workers won’t complain about constant check-ins or detailed instructions. They also won’t actually do any work unless programmed to infiltrate your systems.​

15. The Future of Work: Hiring AI to Manage AI Applicants

As AI-generated applicants flood the market, companies might resort to AI-driven HR systems to screen them. It’s machines hiring machines—a true sign of the times.​AOL

What the Funny People Are Saying…

AI-Generated Fake Job Seekers

Jerry Seinfeld:
“Fake job seekers are everywhere now. You post a job opening and suddenly get 300 applications… from the same guy in Belarus using different wigs and a thesaurus.”

Sarah Silverman:
“I knew my new coworker was AI when she complimented my blouse, apologized for capitalism, and then quoted Nietzsche—all in the same Slack message.”

Larry David:
“There’s nothing more suspicious than a job applicant who’s too perfect. Real people are messy. If your résumé has no typos, I don’t trust you. I want mustard stains and bad decisions.”

Wanda Sykes:
“These fake résumés got more degrees than a thermometer. I’m talkin’ summa cum laude from Hogwarts University!”

Hasan Minhaj:
“I applied for a job and lost out to someone who didn’t exist. The recruiter said, ‘We liked your energy, but the bot was more… scalable.’”

Tig Notaro:
“I asked a candidate why they wanted the job. She replied, ‘011001—Oops. Emotion not found.’ Still better than some dates I’ve had.”

Jim Gaffigan:
“Hiring AI sounds great until you realize they don’t understand PTO. One guy filed a ticket asking if ‘sleep’ was a valid use of time.”

Ali Wong:
“These AI workers don’t take breaks, don’t have drama, don’t need maternity leave—ugh, they’re everything my mother-in-law wishes I was.”

Louis C.K. (dark humor edition):
“I hired a software engineer. Two weeks later, HR told me he was a North Korean bot laundering Bitcoin. I was just relieved someone finally updated the damn printer drivers.”