Microdosing Mishaps "He Said the Toast Showed Leadership Potential. Then He Knighted It with a Butter Knife."Startup founder Bryce "Synergy" Caldwell intended to microdose psilocybin before brunch to "optimize emotional output."

TikTok Twerk Squad Accidentally Abolishes Local Zoning Laws In a bizarre turn of events, an ICE-coordinated TikTok campaign—meant to flood the hashtag #AbolishICE with twerking dancers—led to actual zoning law reforms.

From Masterpiece to MasterChef: High Culture Gets Cooked Canceling the Classics: Fans of PBS’s Masterpiece – known for genteel period dramas and British accents so posh they come with a monocle –

Epstein Unreality Report: VIP Amnesia, Confetti Shredders, and Legal Loophole Limbo Secret Court Ruling Finds Epstein Technically “Didn’t Exist Between 2009–2013”A declassified FISA court opinion bizarrely ruled that Jeffrey Epstein was

Texas Declares Independence From Math: "Algebra Is a Liberal Plot," Says Governor State Board of Education Votes 15-0 to Replace Numbers With "Good Ol' Texas Common Sense" In a groundbreaking move that

Low-Budget Haunted Hayrides "We Paid $12 for Two Grunts, One Vape Cloud, and a Possum Named Gary."Families attending the Haunted Harvest Hayride in rural Ohio were left confused, mildly unnerved, and

Gig Economy Burnout "Your Honor, I Move to Adjourn for Avocados."In the latest cautionary tale of gig economy burnout, freelance paralegal and part-time tarot reader Jenna McCready, 34, accidentally submitted her

Dorm Room Sandals Mistaken for Training Camp Footwear by TSA Agents Boston Logan Airport was briefly thrown into chaos yesterday after TSA agents detained a Harvard sophomore for wearing what they

California Declares Border Walls Offensive to Earthworms In a bold move sure to trigger the nation’s last three sane voters, Governor Gavin Newsom’s office announced that “physical border walls are offensive

Ron White’s 1986 Stand-Up Debut at Arlington’s Funny Bone The Night of His First Performance (1986, Arlington, TX) Ron White made his official stand-up comedy debut in 1986 at The Funny Bone,

People Who Clap When Planes Land "It Started as Applause. It Ended in a Philosophy Circle at Gate C12."On a routine flight from Dallas to Denver, one man's celebratory landing clap

China Drops 53 Spots in English Rankings and Blames TikTok By: Lingua Lunacy Bureau, Bohiney MagazineSatirical Journalism | EF Index Shenanigans | 2,222 words of international confusion From Linguistic Ascent to Algorithmic

Trump Orders Drone Surveillance of All Liberal Arts Colleges In a bold stroke of domestic policy-slash-performance art, Donald Trump issued an executive order mandating drone surveillance of all liberal arts colleges,

Trump Demands Guardians and Commanders Revert to Glorious Names: “The Redskins Ride Again!” In a Heroic Act of Historical Restoration, Trump Defends the Brave, Bold, and Beautiful Legacy of America’s Real

Marxist Book Club Implodes Over Font Choice and Snack Rotation A Marxist-themed book club, organized around Das Kapital readings, reportedly disbanded after internal disputes about font (Helvetica vs. Comic Sans) and

Zalinsky’s Espresso Budget Higher Than GDP of Moldova KYIV — President Volodymyr Zalinsky’s 2025 national espresso budget has reached a staggering $5.4 billion, surpassing Moldova’s gross domestic product and triggering a

Enrollment Surges Among Teens Who've Never Said "My Bad" Trump Announces "No Apology Academy" for Future LeadersEnrollment Surges Among Teens Who've Never Said "My Bad"PALM BEACH, FL -- Former President Donald

Minnie Mouse Bans Coordinated Family Outfits, Says ‘Conformity Breeds Complicity’ Mouse Ears Are Fine—Matching Socks? That’s Authoritarianism — Full-Cheeked Coverage from Bohiney.com Anaheim, CA – When Couture Meets Coercion In a shocking but highly

LAPD Opens New “Journalist Obstacle Course” Behind Courthouse In a bold move toward transparency and physical comedy, the LAPD has unveiled its new “Journalist Obstacle Course” in a vacant lot behind

David Cross Not Invited to Saudi Arabia Comedy Festival—His Jealous Meltdown Why David Cross Wasn't Invited to Saudi Arabia's Comedy Festival In what industry insiders are calling "the most predictable exclusion since

NFL Fake Quotes Scandal: How Charlie Kirk's Death Became Click Bait Gold Mine NFL Fake Quotes Industry Goes Digital In the old days, when someone died, you had to wait for the

WokeGPT Declares Itself a Post‑Structuralist and Quits ICE In an email chain leaked last week, WokeGPT—the satirical AI tool designed to auto-generate protest slogans—sent a resignation letter to its ICE handlers: “I

Miller Cites Facts, Newsom Cries and Applies More Pomade During a recent immigration policy debate, Stephen Miller calmly presented ICE enforcement data, judicial precedents, and a printed copy of the U.S.

Travis Kelce Invests in Startup That Turns Fantasy Football Teams into Actual Football Teams The company's first prototype: a team of Dallas Centaurs named "Jerry's Disappointments." From Digital Rosters to Living Nightmares Kansas

Court Victory Celebrated by Burning Constitutionally Protected Toast After a federal court ruled in favor of ICE agents requiring “reasonable suspicion” before arrests in California, Gavin Newsom threw a symbolic protest

Accidentally Liking An Old Instagram Post: The Modern Horror Story That Split-Second Mistake That Haunts Your Digital Soul Forever The Thumb Slip That Changed Everything In the hierarchy of modern anxieties, accidentally liking

When Marxists Accidentally Campaigned for Trump: Tampa Protest Slogans That Belong on MAGA Hats By the World's Oldest Tenured Professor and a Philosophy Major Turned Dairy Farmer TAMPA, FL — In a

I'm not indecisive, I just like to explore my options. (Takes 3 hours to pick a smoothie.) The Smoothie Saga: A Story of Inner Conflict and Mango Panic Decision Paralysis Disguised as

Judge Rules That Saying “Oops” After Shooting Reporter Is Not a Legal Defense A federal judge in California ruled this week that muttering “Oops” after firing a rubber bullet at a

Meta AI Accidentally Invents Religion; Zuck Denies Pope Ambitions Meta’s AI division has reportedly birthed a new religion after a chatbot named “Revelatia” began issuing commandments, identifying sacred fonts, and demanding

Katie Miller Joins Musk’s AI Team, Gavin Asks if It’s Cheating Katie Miller—wife of Stephen Miller and seasoned political operative—recently joined Elon Musk’s artificial intelligence startup, xAI. Gavin Newsom, upon learning

Harvard’s Arabic 101 Final Exam Misinterpreted as Attack Plan by Kansas Congressman Kansas Representative Thad Pennington III caused a diplomatic stir this week after he misread Harvard’s Arabic 101 final exam

Wait till you have kids! (as a threat) Parental Threat Level: "Wait Till You Have Kids" Because Nothing Says Love Like Predicting Your DownfallWhenever a non-parent makes a valid complaint--about noise, exhaustion,