Exes Announce New Climate Initiative: Global Warming Fueled Entirely by Pure Hatred Dateline: Your Group Chat, 2:17 A.M. In a landmark summit hosted between The Department of Energy and People Who Still

What Would Erma Bombeck Do? A Guide to Surviving 2025's Parenting Trends If Erma Bombeck were alive today, she'd be having a field day with the chaos of modern parenting. Here's how

Clayton Kershaw Retires: Dodgers Legend Returns to Texas After 18 Seasons of Dominance Clayton Kershaw's Final Start Friday as Hall of Fame Pitcher Calls Time on Historic Career LOS ANGELES — After

Oxford Street Goes Car-Free for 24 Hours—Pedestrians Celebrate by Walking in Circles Like Confused Sheep By Freja Lindholm | Bohiney Magazine Oxford Street Car-Free Day Creates Pedestrian Chaos in Central London In a

Women's Hidden Porn Fantasies: What Google Already Knows (But the Porn Industry Keeps Ignoring) A Bohiney.com Investigation, Certified 127% Funnier Than The Onion According to the most terrifying artificial intelligence in every

Recognizing the Red Flags: When It’s Time to Walk Away Why Your Happiness Deserves Better: Identifying Toxic Relationships In today’s fast-paced world, relationships—whether romantic, familial, or platonic—are often considered one of the

Migrants Rethink the American Dream as Trump Policies Cast a Long Shadow Matamoros, Mexico -- At the U.S.-Mexico border, the long line of hopefuls seeking the American Dream is now a

Self-proclaimed expert builds six-figure business giving terrible advice to vulnerable people Self-proclaimed life coach Brittany Alignment has built a thriving six-figure business offering guidance on careers, relationships, trauma, and financial planning

14 Books We Read This Weak... And We Regret It Deeply We at Bohiney are dedicated to the fine art of reading, a pursuit that often leads us to strange, horrifying, and

Gen Z Discovers Retirement is Real, Panics Upon Learning It Requires 40+ Years of Employment "Wait, You Have to Work Until You're 65?" Reports Shocked 22-Year-Old Generation Raised on Influencer Culture Confronts

EXCLUSIVE: Activists Declare Sovereign Aztlán Nation, U.S. Responds with Shrug and Snort By: Staff Writers, Bohiney News Satirical Bureau LOS ANGELES — June 2025 -- In a groundbreaking move that shook zero

The Government Will Have No Idea How to Regulate This The government is still confused about weed. Imagine them trying to figure out what to do with cloud-shaped super-mushrooms. Congress will hold

Relationships Improved 1% at a Time: Or How to Pretend a Hug Will Fix 20 Years of Emotional Damage So the other day I stumbled on an advice piece titled "The

A New Curriculum for the Modern World: Mastering the Art of Sarcasm From Classroom to Comedy Club: How Sarcasm 101 is Shaping Future Leaders Springfield, USA -- In a groundbreaking move, Springfield

The Elves Know Best: A Santa Claus Story About Freedom and Hard Work Written by Santa Claus (with a little help from a 80-year-old muckety-muck with tenure and a 20-year-old philosophy-major-turned-dairy-farmer) A

Gen Z and AI: The Office's Newest Power Couple of Chaos Gen Z has officially turned AI into the ultimate office sidekick—not for productivity but for an elaborate game of How

Pete Davidson’s 18 Tattoos He Refuses to Burn Off: A Commitment to Bad Decisions America’s Most Inked Ex-Boyfriend Clings to His ‘Worst’ Tattoos BROOKLYN— After undergoing extensive tattoo removal to erase past

Backyard Recreation Sparks Property Line Disputes Backyard Golf Boom In a sudden surge of suburban creativity, residents of Maplewood Heights have installed mini golf courses on their front lawns, transforming quiet neighborhoods

PETA's Monkey Lawsuit: The First Amendment Goes Bananas A Conversation So Important, Even the Monkeys Can’t Be Left Out The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) have taken their fight

Britain Holds Its Breath: Prince George's School Choice Is the Real Global Crisis In a development threatening to eclipse wars, climate change, and viral TikTok trends, the United Kingdom—and, by extension,

Ukraine Suits Up: The Billion-Dollar War on Casual Wear In a stunning turn of events, Ukraine has done the unthinkable—mobilized an entire nation… not for battle, but for style. After former

The 127% Burden: Why Black Artists Are Expected to Paint, Protest, and Personally Solve Racism Satirical Journalism by the Cultural Correspondence Desk of bohiney.com Letitia Wright recently described the "huge burden of

You Are What You Eat, and America Is Mostly Ranch-Flavored Particleboard From Farm to Dumpster Fire: America’s Cuisine Now 82% Artificial and 110% Patriotic According to a new joint study by the

Big Tech’s Thought Police: OpenAI’s Latest Crackdown on ‘Wrongthink’ OpenAI’s Newest Feature: The Digital Guillotine Silicon Valley has done it again—ushering in a new era of online suppression, this time disguised as

Pope Francis Declares Legacy Media Causes ‘Brain Rot’ CNN Demands a Second Opinion By Sister Mary Clickbait Holy Headlines: The Pope Diagnoses a Case of Severe Media-Induced Dementia VATICAN CITY – Pope Francis, in

Leap Years: Missing Leap Days, Missing Accountability “No Leaps, No Labor!” Elves Demand Fair Treatment By Holly Tinseltop, Labor Correspondent NORTH POLE—In a move that has shaken the festive foundations of the North

The Dating and Marriage Crisis of 2025: How Wi-Fi Passwords Replaced True Love By the Staff of Bohiney Magazine — Certified 127% Funnier than The Onion In the time it takes to

Dear Bohiney: My Boyfriend Still Has a Wife—Should I Cut Things Off? Red Flags So Obvious, They Should Come With Sirens By Shirley U. Jest When Love Comes With a Plus-One (That You

Breaking: Scientists Unveil New COVID Variant That Targets People Who Thought the Pandemic Was ‘Over’ "Experts warn the ‘Denial Variant’ is spreading rapidly among those who start sentences with ‘Back in

Millennials and Gen Z Pack Bags While Urban Hipsters Collect Avocado Toast Young Adults Eye Escape Routes While Cities Hoard Avocado Toast A new report shows that young adults in several U.S.

Women’s Guide to Identifying Dangerous Men: If He Exists, He’s a Threat! By Lotta Warnings – Senior Red Flag Analyst at Bohiney.com A New Study Shows That All Male Behavior is a

Euston Road: London's Gateway to Traffic Purgatory Where Dreams Go to Die at a Red Light Euston Road is not just a street; it’s a state of mind. A long, gray artery

When Peace Talks Turn into Comedy Sketches Hamas's Dumbass Reasons for Rejecting the Biden-Harris Deal Gaza City (It's NOT a Real Country) -- In a world where peace deals are as common