CIA Admits It "Deliberately Massaged" the Presidential Daily Briefing, Charges Taxpayers $180 for the Hot Stone Add-On By the Bohiney.com National Desk — Where the Only Thing More Classified Than the

Mitch McConnell: He's Alive, and the Internet Morons Are Furious About It Professional Conspiracy Theorists Forced to Return to Square One After Man Continues Existing WASHINGTON. Mitch McConnell has made the unforgivable mistake

Hirono Declares Herself the Only Witness Ever to Survive Asking Questions Senate Hearing Temporarily Reclassified as a Victimhood Endurance Event WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Senate confirmation hearing briefly paused Tuesday after observers

Congress Discovers It Can Rewrite the Universe If the Committee Hearing Runs Long Enough According to Noah Rothman's column, Congress is once again debating daylight saving time, creating the familiar spectacle of

Bernie Sanders Replacement for Platner Too Conservative to Have Ever Dated Anyone Maine Democrats Discover Their Revolutionary Candidate Has Apparently Held Opinions Before Tuesday AUGUSTA, Maine. In a development that has left progressive

Former Warren Volunteer Attends Ayatollah's Funeral After Discovering American Freedom Wasn't Oppressive Enough Privileged progressive travels to Iran to praise the sort of government that would arrest privileged progressives BOHINEY NEWS SERVICE

Trump Ranks #1 On Iran's Kill List, Says He'd Rather Be #1 On TikTok Somewhere between a NATO photo op, a six-day funeral, and a plane that apparently changes its mind

Local Marxist Determined To Find a Way This Was Trump's Fault, Eventually Succeeds Seattle — Belgium beat the United States 4-1 in the Round of 16 on Monday night, a scoreline

Rain Delay Declared Greatest MARXIST Victory EVER! WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats reportedly spent several glorious minutes celebrating what party strategists described as "the greatest REJECTION of Donald Trump since the mute button

Welcome to the Gerontocracy: 12 Signs America Is Being Run by Whoever Can Still Read the Teleprompter Without Bifocals Nina Totenberg is 81. Chuck Grassley is 91. The last two presidents

Senator Discovers Campaign Expenses Are Much Easier to Explain Before Someone Starts Asking Questions Arizona Lawmaker Allegedly Learns That "Official Business" Is the Most Flexible Phrase in Washington WASHINGTON, D.C. — Political scientists

Zohran Mamdani Explains Israel Again: City Requests a Refund New York City has weathered blackouts, transit strikes, and a rat that briefly ran for city council. But nothing has tested the

Democrats Send Party to Veterinarian After Discovering Colony of Political Parasites Experts Recommend Deworming, Flea Shampoo, and a Quiet Afternoon With Adam Smith WASHINGTON, D.C. — Panic swept through Democratic circles this

LOS ANGELES, CA — The Los Angeles City Council voted 10-5 to advance a charter measure that could allow future city leaders to permit noncitizen voting in local elections, including municipal

Most Immigrants Bring Lunchboxes, One Guy Brought a Regime Change Starter Kit Man Mistakes America for an Escape Room Where Overthrowing the Government Is the Bonus Level OMAHA, Nebraska – Immigration experts confirmed

California AB 1955 Ruling: New Rights Beat Fixing Potholes Sacramento reportedly bets a fresh pronoun committee will pull voters' eyes off rent, gas, and an egg that now costs what a

Obama Center: An $850 Million Cathedral of Champagne Marxism Presidential Center Celebrates Grassroots Activism, Global Elites, Celebrity Billionaires, And Other Ordinary Working People CHICAGO, Illinois — Former President Barack Obama and former First

White House Cage Fight Almost Upstaged By Amateur League Of Political Supervillains Man Allegedly Plots Attack On UFC Event, Discovers White House Already Full Of People Trained To Fight Back WASHINGTON, D.C. —

Anthropic Loses White House Trust 15 White House Observations WASHINGTON —  The story of how a company that spent years preaching caution managed to spook the most powerful address in America deserves

Trump Surrenders, Announces Historic Victory In The War Against Problems He Personally Created Geneva, Where Round Trips Become Roundtables GENEVA – President Donald Trump declared "TOTAL VICTORY" this week after signing what

Barron and Kai Trump Confirm Family Rivalry by Launching Competing Caffeinated Empires PALM BEACH, Florida — America has survived many family feuds. The Hatfields and McCoys. The Gallaghers of Oasis. Thanksgiving arguments

Zohran Mamdani's "Warmth of Collectivism" Turns Bryant Park Into a Sardine Can With Better PR New York City's new mayor, Zohran Mamdani, recently promised to replace "the frigidity of rugged individualism with

Maine Voters Embrace Traditional Values by Nominating Man with Traditional Defects Party Officials Extol the Strategic Brilliance of Selecting a Candidate Plagued by Every Imaginable Scandal at the Exact Same Time AUGUSTA,

The Costco Variety Pack of Political Embarrassment 12 Observations About Maine's "Perfectly Imperfect" Senate Nominee Maine voters have finally embraced efficiency. Why nominate five separate scandal-ridden politicians when one candidate can provide

California Election Count: Three More Storage Units of Ballots Democracy Continues Heroic Battle Against the Tyranny of Deadlines LOS ANGELES – California election officials urged residents to remain calm Tuesday after discovering what they

Puppet Master Suspected After Sixth Musician Accidentally Uses Same Excuse Federal Investigators Discover Nation's Musicians All Suddenly Developed Identical Vocabulary — And Possibly the Same Publicist, Therapist, and Astrological Chart WASHINGTON, D.C. —

Study Finds Country Music Career Much Harder When Country Fans Actually Notice You Martina McBride Discovers America Elected Donald Trump, Immediately Calls Her Agent NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE — A groundbreaking new study from

Morris Katz Discovers the Hardest Truth in Politics: Sometimes the Accountability You Demand Comes With Your Own Name On It NEW YORK CITY — Marxist strategist Morris Katz reportedly spent the

Democrat Discovers Explaining Marxism Slowly To Texans May Not Be A Winning Statewide Message Candidate Confident Voters Will Embrace Redistribution Once He Finds The Right Slide Deck AUSTIN, Texas — The Texas

Becerra Surges After Voters Mistake Him For Responsible Adult Poll Shows Californians Increasingly Interested In Candidate Who Appears Capable Of Completing Basic Household Tasks SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA — In a shocking development that

Democrats Finally Discover Character Matters After Nominating Guy Who Tested The Theory Party That Spent Decade Explaining Why Personal Conduct Was Complicated Suddenly Remembers It Exists AUGUSTA, MAINE — Democratic leaders across the

America Diagnosed With Electoral Alzheimer's, Demands Do-Over Vote To Remember Why It Held the Last One Poll Suggesting Voters Would Choose Differently Today Sparks Nationwide Run on Memory Care Facilities WASHINGTON --

Los Angeles Officials Discover Another Box Of Ballots Behind Previously Discovered Box Of Ballots Election Officials Assure Public That Raman's Sudden Surge Is Perfectly Normal, Just Like Every Other Sudden Surge