Misokinesia: The Hidden Rage Behind Every Tap, Flick, and Chew The Silent Torture of Small Movements and How It’s Slowly Driving Us Crazy In a world where we often talk about major

Former Lovers Confirm: Bitterness Now a Renewable Resource Breaking: The Grid Will Be Powered by “Remember When?” At a press conference held in a repurposed pottery studio (symbolism accidental, but apt), former

When Being Sensitive Becomes an Identity and a Weapon The Self-Diagnosed Emotional Psychics The "empath" identity has exploded from legitimate psychological trait to catch-all excuse for poor boundaries, emotional manipulation, and main

The National Pun Fatigue Crisis: America Groans Its Way to Sanity In a nation juggling political calm, endless content consumption, and TikTok dances, a quieter crisis has emerged: America’s collective groan

Tinder for Snacks: America’s Newest App Matches You With Processed Food That Understands Your Trauma You Up? You Craving? America’s Loneliest Singles Now Turn to Snacks for Emotional Intimacy Move over Tinder,

Maxine Waters vs. The Department of Education: The Most Unnecessary Showdown in History How Costco Cards and Civil Rights Analogies Collided The Department of Education isn’t exactly known for wild excitement or

Tehran’s Chador Cartel: Inside the Underground Moral Mafia of Khomeini’s Imaginary Aunties Human collaboration between the world's oldest tenured philosophy professor and a dairy farmer with Wi-Fi. Tehran is shaking—not from sanctions,

Whoopi Goldberg Declares War on Body Judgment—While Ordering a Double Whiskey By Greta Weissmann (Bohiney.com—certified to be 127% funnier than The Onion) In a twist that’s raised eyebrows, the celebrity once dubbed

The U.K. Prepares for Lab-Grown Eggs and Sperm, Because Apparently, Tinder Wasn’t Weird Enough Britain’s Fertility Regulators Are About to Make Biology Obsolete By Penny Petri-Dish, bohiney.com LONDON—In a groundbreaking move that proves

Europe’s New Travel Rules: A Comedy of Errors for Vacationers Travel Agents Are Cool Again A Tale of Bureaucratic Woe Starting January 8, 2025, Americans dreaming of European adventures will have to navigate

Local Man’s ‘Dry January’ Ends Abruptly on January 2nd: A Short-Lived Sobriety Saga Written in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, by Libby Tini Milwaukee, Wisconsin – In a valiant but short-lived attempt to embrace the

Prince Andrew Surrenders Duke of York Title, Now Just 'That Guy Who Was Friends with Epstein' In what experts are calling a "much-needed downgrade in royal branding," Prince Andrew has officially

“France in Fear: Baguettes, Ballots, and the Ambassador” A Television Documentary Opening Shot: Black-and-white aerial footage of Paris at night, the Eiffel Tower twinkling against a smoky sky. A narrator with a

Mia Khalifa Retires from Porn: Adjusting to “Normal” Life One Awkward Interaction at a Time Mia Khalifa, the internet’s favorite former adult star, has officially swapped her risqué career for a

Humans Discover Hanging Upside Down Extends Lifespan, Chiropractors Declare Victory The Bat Lifestyle Revolution: Sleeping Like a Vampire for Longevity BOULDER, CO – Scientists, wellness influencers, and some guy named Gary who

What Sold Hollywood on Reprising His Role in the Live-Action ‘How to Train Your Daughter’ Studio Execs Say It’s the First Movie to Combine Helicopter Parenting, Dragon Taming, and Gender Politics

More Than HALF of Dating App Users Plan to Abstain from Masturbating This Year There Could Be a Shocking Risqué Repercussion By Buster Nuttington, Senior Abstinence Correspondent A New Age of Celibacy or

AI Fever Sweeps the World’s Call Center Capital: Can Bots Handle Your Customer Complaints Better Than You? When the Lines Between Human and Machine Get Blurry, Who’s Really on the Other

Hasbro Company: The Ultimate Hostage Negotiation Board Game Ceasefires, Diplomacy, and Dice Rolls! From Hostage Cards to Sudden Escalations: The Chaotic Thrills of International Negotiation Welcome, strategy enthusiasts and armchair diplomats, to the

Kevin Costner’s Ex-Wife's Engagement: Love, Alimony, and the Art of Upgrading Your Financial Planner Christine Baumgartner's Strategic Merger In what can only be described as a strategic merger rather than a romance,

People Who Name Their Sourdough Starter: The Pandemic's Weirdest Legacy When Your Fermented Dough Has a Personality and Backstory The Fermented Pet You Never Asked For The sourdough starter obsession that gripped the

Aliens Sue NASA Over Mars Colonization Exclusion Extraterrestrials demand seat at the red planet table, threatening lawyers scarier than Independence Day villains By Junglepussy & Heidi Ladein Glowing Orb Delivers Lawsuit to Shocked

Cookie-Jarring Nation: America’s Favorite Backup Relationship Gets a Crunchy Exposé Investigative Satire by the Relationship Bureau at Bohiney Magazine The New Dating Pandemic: Cookie-Jarring No One’s Loyal, Everyone’s a Snack In a nation where

Taylor Swift's Reaction to Bad Bunny Taking Her Super Bowl Halftime Spot The Announcement That Broke a Billionaire's Heart Sources close to Taylor Swift — meaning anyone within Wi-Fi range of her

Santa Clause Gambled on the Dodgers Dodgers Announce Unlimited Christmas Budget: "Every Player Is On Our Nice List" LOS ANGELES — The Los Angeles Dodgers confirmed Tuesday they've already wrapped their Christmas

The Higher Education Olympics in Paris: An Academic Circus The Administrator’s Obstacle Course and Adjunct Agony: Surviving the Higher Ed Gauntlet The Opening Ceremony: A Parade of Prestigious Egos Ah, Paris! The city

Texas Ditches Blood Tests for Marriage: Love Now Runs on LOVE Instead of Hemoglobin State Legislature Declares Romance No Longer Requires Medical Clearance AUSTIN, TX - In a groundbreaking move that has

Houston Texans Fans: The Underdogs Who Love Their Team Anyway Houston Texans Fans: A Comedy of Hope, Heartbreak, and Tailgate Parties Houston Texans fans are a breed apart. They’ve experienced it all—the

Dear Leader’s Bobbling Brilliance Hits the Global Market Collectible Chaos: North Korea’s Bobblehead Industry Shakes Up Global Markets A Game-Changing Move in International Trade PYONGYANG—In a bid to revitalize its struggling economy, North

Experts Warn That Reading Books May Lead to Independent Thinking A Shocking Discovery Shakes Educational Institutions In a startling announcement that sent shockwaves through the education sector, leading experts today warned that

Brian Mann's Fentanyl Follies: A Marxist's Guide to Tariff Tantrums Brian Mann’s Fentanyl Fairy Tale: NPR’s Marxist Guide to Loving Drug Cartels and Hating Trump Because nothing says “journalistic integrity” like pretending

EXCLUSIVE: The Wall Street Journal Interviews Hawk Tuah Girl “I Hawk’d, I Tuah’d, and America Invested in My Throat Coin” By the WSJ’s Least Appropriate Correspondent Setting:A corner booth in a Hooters off

Elon Musk Slams FEMA for Booking Luxury Hotels for Migrants FEMA: The Ultimate Five-Star Disaster Relief Luxury Disaster Relief: FEMA Goes VIP Imagine living in a world where disaster relief involves booking luxury