Supreme Court Refuses to Hear Gay Marriage Challenge, Says 'We Already Bought the Cake' Washington, D.C.—In a stunning display of judicial efficiency rarely seen outside pizza coupons and parking validation, the Supreme

72 Virgins Caught Reading Poetry: Labeled Apostates, Sent Back to Earth Paradise Workers Reassigned to Traffic Duty in Houston After Violating Wahhabi Entertainment Policy By: Hajar Quill, Eternal Afterlife Bureau Chief Paradise Scandal:

🧟 Zombie Economy Stronger Than Ever, Says Federal Reserve Chair “Braaaains” Powell In his most animated press conference yet, Federal Reserve Chair Jerome “Braaaains” Powell announced that the U.S. economy is

People Who Treat Pets Like Therapists: When Your Dog Is Your Emotional Support Professional The Canine Counseling Delusion The Four-Legged Therapist Who Can't Bill Insurance The relationship between humans and pets has crossed

Feline Leader Establishes Independent Territory in Living Room Human Residents Unsuccessful in Diplomatic Negotiations Cat Unilaterally Declares Independence PORTLAND — In a shocking political development, local housecat Mr. Whiskerton has officially declared his

People With Loud Chewing TikToks: The ASMR Nobody Requested When Your Eating Habits Become Content and Everyone Suffers The Audio Assault Masquerading as Content The TikTok algorithm has blessed humanity with a new

Clerics Condemn Gravity: Fatwa Issued Against Gravity for Making Women Walk Funny Wahhabi Clerics Blame Physics for Temptation, Demand God Recalibrate Gravity or Face “Spiritual Litigation” By: Amal Folded, Chief Anti-Physics Correspondent Clerics

Donald Trump Rally Transcript: Location: The Grand Ballroom, Undead Convention Center, Nightshade City Date: August 14, 2024 [Trump strides to the podium, a large American flag waving behind him. He waves energetically to

Any News Outlet That Criticizes Him Will Be Banned from Trump's Presidential Library Trump’s Presidential Library: Where Only Sunshine and Rainbows Are Allowed! Bohiney.com News Desk -- In a move that combines

Make Incredible Wives—According to Psychology, Ancient Runes, and a Drunken Bachelor Party Confessional Wichita Falls, TX — In a world still reeling from gender reveal explosions and podcast breakups, a groundbreaking

Kate vs Rose: Royal Infidelity An Investigative Report By: Bohiney.com Investigative Humor Desk A Royal Rumor That Refuses to Die It was a Tuesday in 2019 when the whispers started. Not the usual palace

Denim, Disruption, and the Pre-Existing Condition of Outrage Washington, D.C. — The Sydney Sweeney American Eagle ad didn’t so much cause a controversy as it did interrupt one — a neatly

Trump Demands Recount After Losing Checkers Game to 8-Year-Old A Game of Kings, Pawns, and Tiny Tyrants In what can only be described as the most stunning upset in the history of

Breaking News: POTUS Election 2024—Mass Delusion Election? America's First Delusional ElectionL 2024 As the 2024 Presidential Election approaches, political analysts and pundits are scratching their heads over an emerging phenomenon that some

Local Man’s “You Too” Reflex to Waiter Sparks Existential Crisis SPRINGFIELD – A standard dinner outing at the popular bistro “Le Chien Heureux” descended into a spiral of social shame last

Wahhabi Panel Warns of "Sassy Glances and Ungodly Grunts"; Suggests Emotional Regulation for Desert Beasts By: Yasir al-Droll, Senior Zoological Compliance Correspondent Wahhabi Scholars Convene Emergency Panel: “Camels Acting Too Relatable” RIYADH —

Revealing the Chaos Unmasking America’s Love-Hate Relationship with the Truth By: Maxwell Snarkson, Senior Satirist of Inconvenient Observations America has always prided itself on being a beacon of truth, justice, and freedom. But

Anti-Trump Internet Mob Petitions to Deport Barron, Forgetting U.S. Citizenship Law Exists 12 Moronic Democrats Explain Why Barron Trump Should Be Deported NEW YORK, NY — In a surprising legal development that

Vampire Opens Vegan Blood Bar, Says “Consent Is Sexy” Nosferatu Goes Non-Dairy October 25 — In a bold rebrand for the undead, 513-year-old vampire Count Damien von Gory has opened Hemoglow, the

Ghosts File Class-Action Lawsuit Against Psychics for “Unauthorized Summoning” Paranormal Plaintiffs Say “Enough Is Enough” October 20 — The afterlife is in upheaval this Halloween as hundreds of ghosts have filed a

Families Sue Camp Mystic Over Flood Deaths—Texas Retreat Rebrands as 'Extreme Wet Experience' Texas—In a lawsuit that reads like a cautionary tale for both parents and thrill-seekers, families have accused Camp

From Beard Oil to Boundaries: How Gentlemen Are Dismantling Macho One Hug at a Time These Men Cry, Compost, and Cuddle—And They Might Just Save Civilization By: Staff Satirists of SpinTaxi.com –

Man Under Investigation for Allegedly Taking Advantage of Young Women Who Seeking Careers in Satire "He Told Me My Punchline Had Potential… and Then Asked If I Had a Headshot," Says

Network discovers that post-election malaise hits harder than champagne hangovers at political victory parties Democracy Dies in Disinterest: The Great December Disconnect NBC News experienced a catastrophic 46% traffic plunge in December,

City Replaces Crosswalks With Trampolines for Bouncing Pedestrians Spring-loaded streets transform commuting into cardio as safety meets absurdity at intersection By Junglepussy & Heidi Ladein Department of Kinetic Transport Launches Bounce Revolution According to

Leaked Mamdani Campaign Docs Expose 'Operation Mazel Tov' Strategy Exclusive Investigation | Leaked Documents Reveal Inside Information November 6, 2025 LEAKED DOCUMENTS Exclusive internal documents obtained from sources within Zohran Mamdani's mayoral campaign reveal a meticulously

The Skinny on Skinny Jeans: A Deep Dive into Fashion's Tightest Comeback In the ever-revolving door of fashion trends, where what's old becomes new and what's new becomes old faster than

White House Prayer Mishap: Is It a Pope or The Pope? White House Prays for A Pope, Any Pope! In a turn of events that had both journalists and theologians scratching their

Town Council Bans Yoga Pants After Mistaking Them for Dangerous Elastic Technology SPRINGFIELD, USA — In a move some are calling “progressive and terrifying,” the Springfield Town Council voted unanimously to

L.A. Yoga Studios Vote to Secede from City, Form “United States of Namaste” Peace, Love, and Passive-Aggressive Zoning Laws LOS ANGELES — In a stunning act of stretch-based secession, over 300 yoga

The Great Restaurant Class Detective: How to Spot the Unworthy Diners Among Us Breaking: Local Food Critics Discover Revolutionary Method to Judge Human Worth by Fork Technique In a stunning development that

The Great Parking War: New York City’s Newest Crisis – And This Time, It's for Spots Congestion Pricing in New York City In a world where New York City traffic is already

Patriotic Panic: Man Tries to Buy 100% American Products, Ends Up Naked and Homeless When 38-year-old Greg Dillard of Scranton, Pennsylvania declared he would buy only American-made products for one full