Free MTA Plan Backfires as Riders Demand Personal Subways After declaring public transportation a human right, Councilman Zohran Mamdani’s free MTA plan quickly devolved into chaos when New Yorkers began demanding

Healthier Eating: Ultraprocessed Foods Are The Villains of Your Pantry The Well Challenge: A Diet of Regret and Realization By C.R. "Kale Crusader" Leake, Reporting from the Land of Lost Cheese As the

Congress Declares Wi-Fi a Human Right, Immediately Starts Charging $49.99 a Month WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what many hailed as “a landmark victory for the people” and others described as “a

Top 10 Excuses the Nobel Committee Gave for Not Awarding Donald Trump the Peace Prize The Nobel Peace Prize, one of humanity's most prestigious awards, honors individuals who promote peace, diplomacy,

Mamdani Declares Wi-Fi a Human Right, Immediately Outages Entire Borough In a dramatic policy announcement, Zohran Mamdani declared Wi-Fi a fundamental human right, citing “psychological liberation through TikTok.” Moments later, the

🇲🇽 Aztlán: The Billion-Dollar Daydream That Wouldn’t Even Buy a Burrito Stand By Ignacio “El Profesor” Barnie and Daisy “The Milkmaid” Fernandez 📌 INTRO: The Grand Illusion of Taking Five States In June

Keir Starmer’s Great Socialist War: Sending British Troops to Ukraine for the EU’s Glory Britain’s Exit, Britain’s Return—With Tanks This Time LONDON—After years of telling the public that Brexit was a mistake,

The Department of Government Efficiency Declares: The Brave New World of Locker Room Inclusivity When Bureaucracy and Enlightenment Collide in a School Near You By Linda Snarkwell, Senior Satire Correspondent Move over Shakespeare,

Elon Musk plans a gift for humanity, and it will be completely free Elon Musk Launches Free Emergency Calls—Because What’s Life Without a Little Starlink? By: Chip Hertz, Senior Satellite Distress Correspondent A

America's 41-Day Government Shutdown Ends: Congress Discovers Negotiate Button In a stunning display of basic governmental function, the United States Senate voted 60-40 Monday night to end the longest government shutdown in American

Fed Finally Cuts Rates After Economy Complains of Neck Pain Federal Reserve Discovers Economy Has Been Looking Up at Interest Rates for Too Long WASHINGTON — In an unprecedented move that stunned

“Woke and Broke”: Bold New Movement Exposes Marxists’ Economic Codependency on Capitalism Employers Unite to Not Hire People Who Publicly Advocate the Abolition of Employers Byline: By Celeste Grift, SpinTaxi Magazine’s Correspondent

Fed Chair Runs Out of Excuses Not to Cut Rates, Considers Blaming Venus in Retrograde Jerome Powell's Creative Justification Department Working Overtime to Avoid Economic Decisions WASHINGTON, D.C. — Federal Reserve Chairman

Government Shutdown Declared 'Necessary Nap' by Congress; Says They'll Return After Snack Time By Darla Freedom-Pie Magsen | Bohiney Magazine Washington D.C.—In what experts are calling "a collective timeout for overgrown children,"

Marx Rises From Grave, Applies for NYC Mayoral Job Karl Marx has reportedly returned from the dead and immediately filed paperwork to run for mayor of New York City. Witnesses say he

Cartel Policy, Unlawful Combatants, Satire WASHINGTON -- The administration's latest border security initiative to designate drug cartels as "unlawful combatants" has sparked debate, confusion, and an unexpected spike in community college

Hamas Declared a 'Cowardly' Organization of United Nations Hiding in Schools and Hospitals Now Their Official Strategy! Gaza City, Just West of Stupid -- In a move that has stunned the global

Marxist Mayors, Governors, and That One Guy Who Knows a Lawyer Say “Nah” to Deportation Help. In a Stunning Reversal, Cities Suddenly Remember States' Rights Are a Thing. The Ultimate Breakup: Local

Japan Elects First Female Prime Minister: Breaking News to American Women Still Waiting Since 1776 In a shocking display of modernity, Japan — a country that still sells used schoolgirl uniforms

Elon Musk Outs Lazy Federal Workers Who Can’t Even Write Three Bullet Points Millions in Wages for People Who Can't Click "Reply" In what may be the greatest unintentional federal audit in

The Perpetual Government Shutdown: A  Exploration of a Nation Running on 'Essential' Services Alone Abstract: This piece delves into the hypothetical scenario where the U.S. government operates under a perpetual shutdown,

Department of Agriculture Discovers It's Been Fighting Itself For 15 Years Over Corn Policy Internal Audit Reveals Epic Bureaucratic Battle Between Two Divisions That Didn't Know They Worked for Same Agency WASHINGTON

Mahmoud Khalil Returns to Gaza, Immediately Files Customer Complaint Mahmoud Khalil, the Columbia University student-activist-turned-Gaza-deportee, finally arrived in his beloved homeland, where he was immediately greeted with open arms, open sewage,

Portland or Prosperity? The Socialist Sog of Oregon vs. the Boot-Strapped Boomtown of Nocona, Texas Once Upon a Time in Two Americas Portland, Oregon is a place where dreams go to compost

Cuba Sends Economists to NYC, Promptly Stunned by Bagel Prices In a historic exchange program, Cuba sent three economists to study the “capitalist experiment” of New York City. Within hours of

Nationwide Survey Shocks Nation: People Only Pretend to Care About the Environment on Instagram! "Saving the planet one filter at a time—until the likes roll in." In a revelation that’s both unsurprising

Gaza Ceasefire Reached After 2 Years: Experts Predict Awkward 'Who Starts First' Conversation Peace is complicated, negotiations are awkward, and diplomacy now includes coffee breaks and interpretive dance. Middle East Peace Process

Five Dead-on “Tru-isms” about the Swift–Kelce Pairing... 1. They Are the Only Couple Who Can Crash Both Ticketmaster and ESPN in the Same Week Most couples can’t even agree on what to

Chuck Schumer’s Master Plan: SHUT IT DOWN!!! Accidentally Giving Libertarians Everything They Ever Wanted Ah yes, Chuck Schumer, the man who wakes up every morning, puts on his best "serious politician" face,

RFK Jr. to Debate Bill Gates – Is This the Ultimate Battle Between Science and Conspiracy? When Silicon Valley meets anti-vaccine activism, expect fireworks, tech jargon, and maybe a little public

Humans Vote Out of Sympathy for Algorithms New York Election Cycle Features AI Candidates Algorhythm, Byte Jones, and Senator Kernel In a shocking twist to the political landscape, New York City has

Clash of the Egos: Elon Musk vs. Steve Bannon Cage Match In an era when politics and Silicon Valley regularly blur the lines of reality TV, it was perhaps only a

Real Estate Developer or POTUS? Trump Proposes U.S. Takeover of Gaza and Says Palestinians Should Move Trump's Latest Proposal: The Gaza Strip as a New Trump Resort? In an unexpected twist that