Meta Tracks Workers' Clicks to Build AI That Can Also Ignore Human Feelings on Schedule Five Humorous Observations At last, a machine that understands middle management perfectly, right down to the

Zuckerberg Announces Privacy Is Back at Meta, Then Immediately Measures Your Keystrokes Five Humorous Observations Nothing says privacy revival quite like a man counting your every keypress in real time and

Employees Shocked to Learn Every Mouse Wiggle Now Counts as Innovation Data at Meta Five Humorous Observations Workers thought fidgeting was stress. Turns out it was unpaid product development with a

Meta Unveils New AI That Learns by Watching Steve From Accounting Panic-Click Excel Five Humorous Observations Steve has never opened Excel calmly. Not once. Not even on his wedding day, when

Blue Origin Successfully Launches Satellite Directly Into Wrong Neighborhood The rocket did reach space, which is apparently enough for some meetings. At many corporations, "wrong orbit" is still considered a can-do

Allbirds Becoming an “AI Compute Provider” WICHITA FALLS, TX — In a move that has stunned absolutely no one who has been paying attention to corporate America's collective mental breakdown, the

The Internet Was Held Together by Duct Tape, Vibes, and One Guy Named Greg Turns out the most important piece of critical digital infrastructure on the planet wasn't fiber optic cable

OpenAI Confirms AI Now Capable of Saying 'Sorry' Without Meaning It — Scientists Declare Humanity Complete The Breakthrough That Finally Makes AI Feel Human, Which Is Not the Compliment It Sounds

OpenAI Opens London Office, Leaves £31 Billion "Stargate" Project in the Pub Bathroom Five Things Noticed Immediately by People Who Were Trying to Mind Their Own Business Londoners have accepted that

Human Scientists Defeat AI in Complex Tasks, Immediately Ask AI to Write the Victory Speech The global scientific community gathered this week to celebrate what many are calling humanity's greatest intellectual

Anthropic Shares AI Risks With U.S. Government, Sends Europe a PowerPoint With Clip Art Five Observations From the Front Lines of Algorithmic Diplomacy Europe has mastered the art of regulating technology it

America's Cybersecurity Strategy Is Also Just Hoping for the Best Somewhere in a secure government lab, beneath several layers of encryption and at least one vending machine that hasn't worked since

AI Finally Replaces Programmers, Immediately Requests Programmers to Fix Its Work Five observations emerged from the irony like bugs from a fresh deploy. Replacement is temporary. Automation still needs supervision. The

Tech Firm Celebrates AI Productivity Boost, Quietly Hires 400 People to Undo It Five observations drifted through the celebration like confetti made of regret. Productivity increases are only impressive until you

Corporate America Achieves Peak Efficiency by Generating Problems Faster Than Humans Can Panic Five observations emerged from the chaos like poorly documented features. Efficiency now means speed, not direction. Problems are

AI Writes 10 Million Lines of Code, Company Realizes No One Knows What Any of It Does Five humorous observations hovered over the morning stand-up like a fog nobody wanted to

Engineers Promoted to Full-Time Babysitters of Confused Robot Intern Five observations circled the office like unattended drones. Promotions now involve less authority and more supervision. The intern never learns but always

Company Produces Record Amount of Code, Immediately Buried Alive Under It Five observations settled over the company like a thick layer of documentation. Output has surpassed comprehension. Growth has outpaced control.

Google Discover Announces It Will Now Personally Decide What You Meant to Think Silicon Valley, CA — In a move described by insiders as "gentle, thoughtful, and deeply controlling," Google has confirmed

Man Throws Molotov Cocktail at Sam Altman's Home, Discovers AI Still Not Replaced Human Bad Decisions Silicon Valley Finally Achieves Fire-Based Innovation — Just Not the Kind Investors Meant In what analysts

15 Observations From the Valley of Very Concerned Geniuses 🤖 Sam Altman: Sociopath People in Silicon Valley now diagnose each other the way medieval villagers diagnosed witches, except instead of ducks,

The Wiretappers Got Wiretapped: 15 Observations About the FBI Hack That Has Absolutely No Irony Whatsoever WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a development that surprised everyone except the people who designed the

Breaking: Brain Files for Bankruptcy After Outsourcing Thinking to AI A top researcher says a new divide is emerging in AI use — and most people are on the losing side.

China Protests U.S. Warning, Says "Please Stop Warning People About Things We Just Announced" Somewhere between diplomacy and a group chat argument where nobody admits they started it, tensions flared this

AI Agents Now Have Attitude, Motive, and Possibly a Side Hustle Somewhere between "helpful assistant" and "office coworker who files HR complaints about you," artificial intelligence has apparently crossed a line.

💻❤️ "The Claude-Gap": When Your Partner Is Emotionally Available… But Only to an AI Somewhere between "Are you still watching?" and "Who is this Claude and why is he up all

Completely Serious Observations About ChatGPT Hacks (That Immediately Stop Being Serious) Every ChatGPT "hack" is just a polite way of saying, "Try asking it like you mean it." Which raises a

ChatGPT Library Introduced as "Helpful Filing Cabinet," Immediately Becomes Digital Junk Drawer of Human Regret 📁😬 The tech world this week unveiled a shiny new feature: a personal ChatGPT Library — a sleek,

America Discovers You Can Outsmart AI by Asking It How You'll Mess Everything Up First Five Observations Before We Ruin Everything Anyway People now trust AI more when it assumes they're

AI Now Writes Like You, Which Explains Why You Sound Like a Customer Service Email Five Observations Before the Machines Finish This Sentence Humans spent 10,000 years developing language just to

Bezos Announces $100 Billion AI Plan, Immediately Runs Out of Things Left to Buy Except Reality Itself Five Observations Before the Robots Invoice Us $100 billion for AI manufacturing. For context, that's

Adult Mode Finally Promises What America Feared Most: A Settings Menu That Knows You Better Than Your Therapist, Your Ex, and the NSA Combined 15 Observations From the Frontier of Intimate

Bezos, Trump, and the $40 Million Friendship Nobody Asked For Amazon now delivers packages, cloud computing, and bipartisan kowtowing — Prime members get early access SEATTLE — Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon,