The world woke up today to a shocking development: competence. Trump wins AGAIN... Democrats are furious. Yes, in a twist that has left professional outrage merchants clutching their reusable protest signs

Five things we noticed about Al Jazeera's coverage of the rescued American pilot that the Iranian authorities definitely didn't confirm, cannot confirm, and would really rather we all stop asking

The Wiretappers Got Wiretapped: 15 Observations About the FBI Hack That Has Absolutely No Irony Whatsoever WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a development that surprised everyone except the people who designed the

Britain Arrested 3,000 of Its Own Citizens for Holding Signs While 197,000 Illegal Immigrants Waltzed In Through the Channel The Country That Couldn't Stop a Rubber Dinghy Found Time to Terrorize

H-1B Program Enters Phase Two: Everyone Knows What's Happening, No One Knows Who's in Charge By the Bohiney.com Office of Institutional Accountability (Currently Between Assignments) Phase One Was Fraud. Phase Two Is

Britain Just Arrested 3,000 People for Holding Signs — And They're Calling It Counter-Terrorism The Land That Invented Parliamentary Democracy Has Officially Lost the Plot America has its problems. We've got gerrymandering,

America Brings the Bombers, Britain Brings the Fine Print Or: How to Fight a War While Pretending It's a Neighborhood Watch Meeting Britain is hosting American bombers the way someone hosts

Trump, NATO, and the Art of Saying "Thank You" 🇺🇸 Some presidents give speeches. Some presidents give warnings. And then there's Donald Trump, who gives what historians will someday call "a strongly

Tiger Woods Accidentally Tees Off on Vanessa Trump Relationship, Claims It Was "Just a Practice Swing" "She Will 100 Percent Walk," Says Man Who Has Historically Struggled With Staying in Bounds There

Royal Afterlife Crisis: Palace Declares "No Comment" on Corgi Séance Economy Somewhere between Buckingham Palace and the nearest dog park, the British monarchy has apparently entered its paranormal era. According to multiple

Revolution, Inc.: How the No Kings Protest Got a $3 Billion Budget, a Stage, and Bruce Springsteen Nothing says "grassroots uprising" like 500 organizations, $3 billion in combined revenues, and matching

Democrats Discover "Average Guy," Immediately Begin Intensive Study Like It's a Rare Amazon Frog Somewhere in a dimly lit D.C. strategy room, surrounded by whiteboards, oat milk lattes, and a guy

The government finally admits aliens are real and attend church: The government finally admits aliens are real, and it turns out they've been attending church longer than most Americans. JD

Trump Tells Europe to Go Get Its Own Oil and Europe Stares Blankly at the Pump It was the geopolitical moment no one on the continent saw coming, mostly because they

Britain Solves Energy Crisis by Deciding Not to Use the Energy It Already Has There's something almost poetic about a nation sitting atop oil and saying, "No thanks, we'll take vibes

Breaking: Brain Files for Bankruptcy After Outsourcing Thinking to AI A top researcher says a new divide is emerging in AI use — and most people are on the losing side.

Marines Arrive, Everyone Pretends This Is Fine 3,500 Marines "Just Swing By" the Middle East — Pentagon Swears It's a Casual Pop-In Somewhere between a casual drop-in and a fully loaded amphibious

China Protests U.S. Warning, Says "Please Stop Warning People About Things We Just Announced" Somewhere between diplomacy and a group chat argument where nobody admits they started it, tensions flared this

Copywriter Admits He's Been Using AI, Internet Responds by Asking AI How to Feel About It 15 Observations from the Great "Advice Industrial Complex" Collapse — Where Every Insight Is Already

Pentagon Destroys 7,000 Iranian Targets, Media Still Not Impressed: 'Needs More Drama' WASHINGTON, D.C. — The United States military has obliterated Iran's entire air force, sunk approximately 120 ships, reduced its

White House Calls Two Million Protesters "Therapy Sessions," Therapists Report Record Bookings The White House, never one to let reality interrupt a good talking point, responded to two million Americans marching

Royal Family Discovers "Wait a Year" Is the Least Followed Advice Since "Eat Your Vegetables" Her Late Majesty urged Prince Harry to "wait a year" before marrying Meghan Markle There's something magical

Love Conquers All, Except Language Barriers, Job Markets, and Basic Happiness Somewhere between the third glass of locally sourced wine and the realization that the nearest Costco was six time zones

15 Hilariously Honest Observations About Marriage (From People Who Are Still Legally Bound to Each Other) Here we go — marriage, that magical institution where two people promise forever and then

15 Observations About Royal Reinvention (And One Very Expensive Mirror) When a royal says they want to be "unrecognizable," you assume it's about privacy… turns out it's about upgrades. Nothing

Houthi Children Agree to Give Up Goat Milk if It Kills Some Jews Houthi Children Trade Goat Milk for Geopolitics, Immediately Asked About the Effectiveness of the Missiles Somewhere in Yemen, a

AI Agents Now Have Attitude, Motive, and Possibly a Side Hustle Somewhere between "helpful assistant" and "office coworker who files HR complaints about you," artificial intelligence has apparently crossed a line.

Companies Demand Top Talent, Accidentally Invent Entirely Imaginary Candidates By the Bohiney.com Department of Speculative Human Resources The Job Description Written by Imagination The modern H-1B job posting is a work of speculative

U.S. Army to Steal Iran's Nukes Using 1,000 Troops, Several Trucks, and a Vague Sense of Optimism WASHINGTON — In what military planners are describing as "totally doable, probably," the United

Royal Family Publishes New Book, Immediately Regrets the Whole Literacy Thing The Monarchy Has Survived Revolution, Plague, and Bad Hats — But the Paperback May Finally Finish Them Somewhere between a palace

Montana Senate Candidate Promises to Solve War by Drafting Lindsey Graham Directly to It Somewhere deep in the philosophical wide-open plains of Montana — where the wind whispers things like "limited

Philosophy Has Been Reduced to a Guy Staring at a Banana 🍌 Somewhere between Socrates asking questions in the streets and a guy on the internet asking "Is cereal soup?", civilization

Completely Serious Observations About ChatGPT Hacks (That Immediately Stop Being Serious) Every ChatGPT "hack" is just a polite way of saying, "Try asking it like you mean it." Which raises a