New York Declares Art Officially Too Dangerous to Be Hung Without Adult Supervision Somewhere between a gallery opening and a city council hearing, New York accidentally discovered that paintings can now

Corporate America Discovers New Talent Pool: People Who Can't Quit By the Bohiney.com Bureau of Workforce Absurdity The Talent That Was Here All Along — Trapped Corporate America has made a stunning breakthrough

Apocalypse Delayed Again After Planet Forgets Password By Staff Prophet (Acting), Bohiney.com Is the apocalypse delayed??? Global panic was briefly postponed this morning after the long-anticipated apocalypse failed to launch due to

Cold War Never Ended for Oleg, Who Still Thinks Your Toaster Is on the CIA Payroll Fifteen Observations from Inside Moscow's Most Paranoid Gift Shop (Also a Debrief) Oleg sells "home

CNN Discovers "TACO," 82nd Airborne Discovers… Parachutes 🪂🌮 Somewhere in a climate-controlled newsroom, a socialist CNN producer typed the word "TACO" with the same seriousness normally reserved for nuclear doctrine. Meanwhile,

Prince Harry & Meghan's Publisher Discovers the True Cost of "Just One More Chapter" Or: When a Memoir Becomes a Subscription Service With Feelings There was a time when writing a book

Banksy Identity Crisis: Man Proven to Be Banksy Immediately Disproves It by Existing Poorly Bohiney.com Exclusive: Robin Gunningham — also known as David Jones, also known as "Not Banksy," also known as

Billionaire Reportedly Hired World's Most Expensive Life Coach, Received Tax Advice, Surveillance Plans, and Extremely Awkward Lunch Management The latest dispatch from the upper floors of American wealth suggests that what

Trump Announces "Productive Talks" With Iran While Iran Announces "Absolutely Not" Somewhere between a press conference and a group text that only one person thinks is real, President Donald Trump has

Royal Family Announces New Strategy: "Say Nothing, Smile Slightly, Wait for It to Blow Over" Somewhere deep inside Buckingham Palace, between a velvet curtain and a tray of untouched cucumber sandwiches,

Hezbollah Declares "Existential War," Accidentally Makes It Everyone Else's Existential Problem Too Somewhere in a bunker lit by flickering fluorescent bulbs and PowerPoint slides titled "Totally Winnable Situations," Hezbollah has reportedly

America Discovers You Can Outsmart AI by Asking It How You'll Mess Everything Up First Five Observations Before We Ruin Everything Anyway People now trust AI more when it assumes they're

Macron Declares Victory After Successfully Not Losing Everything All at Once 🇫🇷 Macron's "Stand in the Middle and Hope Everyone Else Trips" Strategy Shows Surprisingly Promising Results PARIS — In what aides

New York Times Announces America Is Losing War It Hasn't Lost Yet, Sources Confirm It's "Emotionally Over" 📰🇺🇸 Observations from the Front Lines of Vibes-Based Journalism The war is reportedly being

"Unspecified Allegations" Against Marxist Labor Icon César Chávez Cancel Celebrations Nationwide — America's Vaguest Scandal Explained Before we begin, let's just admire the phrase "unspecified allegations." It's journalism's version of "something happened, we

NPR Discovers War Is Complicated, Immediately Suspected of Rooting for Iran "Killing Bad Guys, who want to use nuclear weapons, might come back to haunt Israel." - NPR Somewhere deep inside a

The Pentagon's New Iran Strategy That Has Tehran Checking Under the Bed Trump's New Strategy and It Comes With Free Shipping What began as "not putting troops anywhere" quickly upgraded to "putting

Cuba Discovers Renewable Energy Source: Blaming Someone Else 🔦 Observations from the Great Blackout Chronicles Cuba has now achieved 100% renewable darkness, powered entirely by policy decisions and a thermoelectric plant

Banksy Finally Proves Crime Pays, Local Criminals Furious They Chose the Wrong Hobby Five Observations Before We Begin Somewhere in London, a guy who spray-painted "Dave wuz here" is learning he accidentally

"He Gave It Two Stars" — The Royal Marriage Review Nobody Asked For But Everyone Needed Five Observations From the Royal Comment Section Marriage described as "historic," later downgraded to "educational

Britain Sends One Drone to the Strait of Hormuz, Calls It a Fleet Starmer's strongly worded letter arrives by second-class post as Washington deploys two carrier strike groups and Paris commits

Iran Sets the Price for Peace as War Quietly Becomes the World's Most Expensive Subscription Service Dispatches from the Global Checkout Line The war, long believed to be a tragic geopolitical struggle,

Christina Patterson Is Catastrophically Wrong About Iran — And Here Is the Proof Part One: The Evidence. Part Two: What Iran Doing to America Would Actually Look Like. Opinion | Apple Daily

Ayatollah Announces New Strategy: "If We Yell Loud Enough, America Might Leave" The Middle East woke up this week to the latest geopolitical innovation from Tehran: a revolutionary doctrine known as

America Introduces Budget-Friendly Breakup Package for Citizens Ready to Ghost the Republic The U.S. State Department slashes the citizenship renunciation fee from $2,350 to $450 — because freedom was always a

California Highway Patrol Reaches Celebrity Quotas by Arresting Exactly One Britney Spears Five Observations From the Freeway of Fame The California Highway Patrol has a difficult job. They must patrol hundreds

Man With Hezbollah Family Links Drives Burning Truck Into Synagogue Full of Children — Somehow This Surprised Nobody Who Wasn't Paying Attention FBI Had Him Flagged. Children Were Inside. He Sat

Fifteen Observations About "Opposing Trump Isn't a Global Strategy" The first thing you notice about Rahm Emanuel's foreign-policy essay is that it reads like a man discovering geopolitics the way someone discovers

Moving and Packing With Experts: The Only Time Strangers Will Carefully Wrap Your Toaster Like It's the Crown Jewels Fifteen Observations From the Front Lines of Moving and Packing Moving is the

Five Early Warning Signs Your Traffic Stop Is Actually a Photo Safari The town of Florissant, Missouri recently discovered a new category of crime: the Traffic Stop Influencer. The idea is simple. You

The Great Soda Rights Movement: Sugar, Liberty, and the Constitution (Probably) Washington, D.C. woke up this week to the sound of something historians say they have not heard since the Boston

When Jesus Invented the World’s Smallest Sewing Project The Camel, the Needle, and the Spiritual Gym Membership Verse: Matthew 19:24 If there were an Olympic event for impossible tasks, threading a camel through

Fifteen Humorous Observations About Billionaires and Their Decorative Castles The Observations Themselves, Presented Without Apology Zuckerberg bought a house so expensive that even the mosquitoes in Indian Creek now carry private