America's Favorite Vacation Destination Just Made It Harder to Show Up With a Fanny Pack Europe's New Biometric Border System Is Here, and It Already Has a Seven-Hour Line For seventy years,

Al Jazeera Is 98/9% Bias, Accidentally Trips Over Its Own 4,000 Articles Explaining Why the West Is Terrible When Al Jazeera recently reported that British media contains widespread bias against Muslims,

First Principles Guide to the Iran War: A Completely Scientific Reconstruction of the Problem Let us rebuild the current Iran war from first principles. That means stripping the situation down to

Federal Reserve Warns AI May Replace Gen Z Before They Even Finish Their Résumé Economists Say Young Workers Now Competing With Algorithms, Chatbots, and a Toaster That Knows Python A recent Federal

Iran Won't Surrender Because "Have You Met Iran?" Francis Fukuyama Explains Iran Won't Surrender Because "History Hasn't Ended There Yet" WASHINGTON — Political philosopher Francis Fukuyama, a man who once famously suggested that

America Accidentally Wins the Iran War Economy While Everyone Else Pays the Gas Bill The world woke up this week to discover a fascinating new theory of modern economics: if there

Two Men Drive From Pennsylvania to Blow Up a Protest, Immediately Get Arrested at the Protest ISIS-Inspired Terrorists Discover That New York City Has Cops, Which Apparently Came as a Surprise Dateline:

Iran Announces New Supreme Leader, Immediately Launches National Search for Charisma In a historic moment that political scientists describe as "somewhere between a theocratic transition and a very awkward family business

What is Wrong With Wichita Falls is What is Wrong With America Wichita Falls Discovers Revolutionary Government Program: Pay $200,000 So Artists Can Stand on the Sidewalk In what economists are calling

Leaked War Plans Reveal U.S. Strategy: "Confuse the IRGC With a WWII Museum Exhibit" WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what defense officials are describing as "the most historically immersive military deception since

College Football Coaches Make $13 Million While Professors Earn $100K — Is the YMCA the Answer? Five Observations About the "College Sports Should Move to the YMCA" Revolution Sports have always been

NBC Staffers Quietly Admit Morning Television Is Basically High School With Better Lighting Television insiders confirmed this week that the workplace dynamics behind America's cheerful morning news programs are roughly identical

Pentagon Announces War Strategy Now Powered by "Ctrl + Enter" Washington, D.C. — In a development that would have sounded like science fiction just five years ago and sounds like a group

Voters Nominate "Dad Justice" for Sheriff, Jury Selection Expected to Double as Campaign Rally Lonoke County politics took a turn that legal scholars are politely describing as "procedurally unusual but extremely

Five Observations About the Khamenei Era and Student Protest Culture Students in Iran appear to be the only people in the Middle East who can simultaneously study engineering, dodge tear

The Case of the Criminal Glove That Turned Out to Be From Taco Tuesday TUCSON, Arizona — In a stunning twist worthy of the world's least suspenseful detective novel, the mysterious

America Is Winning in Iran and the Media's Most Panicked Correspondent Can't Handle It Dan Froomkin Hopes for Military Defeat in Iran While Secretary of War Pete Hegseth was standing at a

15 Observations About Trump's "Build Your Own Power Plant" AI Plan ⚡🤖 The Silicon Valley DIY Energy Kit Tech CEOs were reportedly thrilled with the idea of building their own power plants,

Iranian Warship Sinks Off Sri Lanka, Leaving 100 Missing and One Very Confused American Taxpayer Who Just Paid for That Torpedo In what military historians are calling "the most dramatic maritime

Five Observations About "Woke Jesus" Politics Church used to be the one place where people argued about the Book of Revelation and casserole recipes. Now it's apparently a campaign office with

Husband of MP Arrested in Alleged Spy Plot, Claims He Thought "Strategic Briefing" Meant Pub Trivia Night British Intelligence Scrambles to Determine If Secrets Were Leaked Between Pints — or Just

Actual Reason People Are "Cancelling" ChatGPT They're not quitting because of war use of AI — which, let's be real, most folks barely think about between taco runs and posting workout

Iran Has "Plan" to Spread Regional War Because Someone Misread Strategy Memo as Party Invite War Planners Say "Chaos" Was On The Agenda Right After Lunch and Before Happy Hour 🍟📈 In

Trump Denies Iran the Bomb, Internet Responds With Dance Moves and Mild Hysteria Five Observations Before We Begin America can survive high gas prices, but we draw the line at radioactive

How to Save the Revolution From the Center, Which Is Basically a Sofa With Opinions There is nothing more dangerous to a revolution than a person who says, "Let us find

A Presidential Math Class: When Running Out Meets Running a War In a conversation with Politico, former President Donald Trump asserted that Iran is "running out of launchers," explaining, in the rough

A Presidential Math Class: When Running Out Meets Running a War In a conversation with Politico, former President Donald Trump asserted that Iran is "running out of launchers," explaining, in the rough

NPR Discovers Geopolitics Began Yesterday: A Nation Mourns Its Lost Context In a stunning act of journalistic archaeology, NPR reported Tuesday that the United States appears to be involved in some sort of

Space Data Centers Are Even More Cursed Than Previously Believed By the world's oldest tenured professor and a philosophy major turned dairy farmer In the grand tradition of American billionaires looking at

Austin Welcomes Diversity, Accidentally Imports "Extremely Unvetted Enthusiasm" Five Observations About America's Most Compassionate Border Policy Austin proudly installs "Hate Has No Home Here" yard signs while forgetting to check who actually moved

Iran Might Skip the World Cup — Because America Already Won the Pre-Game An Exclusive, Deeply Researched, Totally Serious Satirical "News" Story The Situation: America Hosts the World Cup and, Oh By

Fifteen Observations About Zohran Mamdani's Nuclear Nuance Problem America is apparently 98.7 percent united on one issue: we prefer our skylines without nuclear mushrooms. Seventy-nine percent of people also oppose

Cheaters Are From Mars, Lovers Are From Venus, and Researchers Are Just Confused Let's be perfectly clear: according to science, the world of online cheating isn't some Shakespearean tragedy where Juliet