A Comprehensive Comic Deep Dive Into Automobiles That Spy Back 15 Observations on the Ultimate Hackable Highway Your car now collects more data on you than your ex ever did —

How Some African Americans Suddenly Decided to Be More Chinese A satirical dispatch where walking into a Chinese grocery store is now considered political protest and congee is a lifestyle, not

Trump's 2026 State of the Union Speech: The Steak of the Union, Well Done, No Sauce A totally accurate, absolutely official, possibly improved transcript of the Trump 2026 State of the

Five Quick Observations Before the Snowplough Hits Publish New York only becomes a quiet, reflective city when it is physically unable to move. Otherwise it is a loud, reflective city

CNN's Jake Tapper Clocks FBI Director Kash Patel's Beer-Chugging Olympic Locker Room Extravaganza CNN anchor Jake Tapper famously declared "Believe it or not, that's your FBI Director Kash Patel" after viral videos revealed Patel neck-deep

🔥 Buckle up for a satirical pirouette through the icy waters of celebrity dating news 🧊💔 — because when it comes to Ilia Malinin's love life, the headlines are about as

If Figure Skating Judging Is Biased, It's Clearly Biased Toward Drama Figure skating is the only sport where a man can launch himself into the air, rotate four times like a

Proudboys.UK Declares Eileen Gu "Most Trashy Ass Woman on Planet" After Skiing for China, Winning Everything, and Refusing to Apologise for Existing By The London Prat Editorial Board | February 24,

Zohran Mamdani Discovers That Freezing to Death Is Bad, Actually NEW YORK — In a stunning breakthrough that has rocked the foundations of progressive politics, New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani

In a stunning display of transatlantic tough love, the United States has informed the European Union that access to America's magnificent market is no longer free, fabulous, or French —

On February 22, 2026, Mexican security forces — with U.S. intelligence support — fatally wounded Nemesio Rubén Oseguera Cervantes, known as "El Mencho," during an operation in Tapalpa, Jalisco. He

 Sectarian War: The Ancient Group Chat Nobody Can Mute Sectarian war is what happens when two people agree on 95 percent of theology and decide to throw hands over the footnotes. It is

America gave every child a laptop and a dream. The dream was digital equity. The laptop is currently on Bohiney.com. This is the story of how that happened and who

U.S. Ambassador Mike Huckabee told Tucker Carlson on Friday that it would be "fine" if Israel took all the land from the Gaza Strip to the West Bank — essentially

The Great European Censorship Drama Tour: How Brussels Declared War on Spicy Opinions Picture it: the European Union, meeting in a shadowy Brussels chamber with echoing marble floors and ceilings designed

In the early hours of Sunday, February 22, 2026, U.S. Secret Service agents and a Palm Beach County Sheriff's deputy fatally shot 21-year-old Austin Tucker Martin of Moore County, North Carolina, after

Self-Inflicted Wounds: 15 Awkward Things Men Actually Said on First Dates Welcome to the dating trenches — where science says humans form a first impression in under three seconds, yet somehow

The Coming Biblical Reckoning — Now Available in a Limited-Edition Emotional Panic Pack Donald Trump has been lobbing apocalyptic warnings at Iran's ruling clerics with the frequency and intensity of a

Self-Care Arrives 40 Years Late, Generation Asks for Manager Nation's Most Stoic Adults Now Googling "How to Feel Feelings Without Pulling a Hamstring" For decades, this generation was raised on three core

GPT Goes to the Dogs and Starts Lying About It A Satirical Dispatch From the Front Lines of Human vs. Machine Truth In a world where a toaster can fake its own

Commander, Formerly Known As Prince A Royal Rebrand Attempts To Sail Past Reality ACROSS THE POND, where Americans have been watching British royal drama with the same fascination they reserve for reality TV,

The Man Who Wasn't Acting: How Robert Duvall Was Augustus McCrae All Along Hollywood has a long tradition of actors disappearing into their roles. Robert Duvall did something slightly different. He

The Man Who Could Invoice a Corporation Using Only a Microphone A Respectful, Completely Calm, Totally Not Nervous Satirical Obituary America lost one of its most recognizable negotiators this week: Reverend Jesse Jackson,

The Emotional HMO Crisis Hits Dating Scene Nation Grapples With Rising Cost Of Feelings, No One Knows Copay WICHITA FALLS, TX -- Romance officially entered the healthcare system Tuesday after local man Darren Puckett

Five Early Observations From The Republic's Front Porch People who haven't seen their birth certificate since the Carter administration suddenly remember it exists, like a childhood friend who only calls when

Five Early Observations From The Front Porch Of Order Americans trust their phone with facial recognition but panic when asked to recognize their own last name on paper. We require

Valentine's Day Better Than Christmas, Experts Confirm While Untangling Lights A Nation Quietly Admits It Prefers One Person Over Seventeen Relatives Five Observations Before We Begin Valentine's Day requires one gift. Christmas

Markets, Missiles, and Margin Calls A dispatch from the brand-new financial sector: "defense derivatives." Somewhere in a Tel Aviv office, a guy looked at a troop deployment map and didn't think "geopolitics."

Five Things America Learned When It Discovered Where Melania Actually Lives 99% of women surveyed said if they were Melania they would also file a permanent forwarding address to "Not

Scientists Combine Charlie Kirk and Candace Owens DNA to Create "Genetically Racist" Baby, Left Demands $20 Million Fund Food Stamps Instead Progressive Activists Calculate 99.9% Probability Baby Will Grow Up Racist,

🚌 Teen News: School Closed, Adults Arguing, Everyone Hungry A totally serious report about the ancient sport of Contract Negotiations San Francisco students woke up this week to the greatest message in

Ransom Riddles: When Bogus Bandits Bungle a Kidnap Plot In an emotional case that has literally captivated the nation, the disappearance of 84-year-old Nancy Guthrie — mother of broadcast journalist Savannah Guthrie —

When Inflation Kidnaps the Kidnappers Too How a $6 Million Bitcoin Ransom Accidentally Became a CPI Press Release Before we get into the story, let's warm up the crowd with some clear-eyed